AIBU to feel drained by boyfriend refusing to wear hearing aids?

My colleague is the same. It's only her and I that work in our team so it's annoying. Before saying anything, I start with "Carole'" Then she will turn to me and then when I have her attention, I say what I need to say. Doing this with my partner as well.

His hearing is his business but you don't have to date him.

I do think it's hard to understand if you haven't tried them

When my mum first got glasses I remember getting motion sickness a bit, and that was the entire adjustment period.

Hearing aids are a whole different ball game, and what you end up with isn't hearing in the same way you currently hear even when fully adjusted

There's a reason why people' have lots of funny stories about grandads, nans etc kept turning them off, or putting them in a bottom of a bag. The story above of having to wear them for work, but taking them off at the first opportunity also rings true.

I know people who refuse to contemplate hearing aids because it implies that one is old. Like you, I know others who simply won’t use the ones they’ve got because they can’t be bothered, failing to realise how socially isolating it is, and the dangers of hearing loss to brain function (hearing loss is associated with dementia).

I fully understand your frustration.

I found hearing aids a liberation, have absolutely no vanity about it (who’s looking at me anyway). Suddenly I could hear the conversation in restaurants and in the office, as well as the birds!

About the batteries, they run out approx every week, and you simply have to change them. Not a biggie, frankly. The NHS is fantastic on this front, on supplying perfectly good hearing aids.

Have you been direct with him? Tell him: I really like you but it is exhausting having to constantly raise my voice and repeat myself. You might not realise how very tiring this is. If our relationship and socialising generally is important to you - please buy some decent private hearing aids. You have money for a bike so surely you have money to invest in your own health and quality of life. Clearly the NHS ones aren't fit for purpose and never will be. This is a problem you can solve.

If he doesn't, then he is not that keen to make things work. Or he's more stubborn than you have patience for.

Comparing someone reading glasses with hearing aids is ignorant, i'm afraid. I need both.It's not remotely the same.

There's some videos out there that show you what hearing aids are like which might be worth watching to try and get a grasp of why people won't take what seems like an easy fix

As a previous poster said, some people just don't get on with them

Whats interesting is often (and already is playing out in this thread) if you talk about hearing aids people tend to say oh my friends are amazing, I wish my dm/dp etc would wear them etc, its selfish not to, you can't hardly see them, they were lifechanging for my cousin etc.

Those that actually use them tend to have a meh reaction, and talk about it being tricky and wearing them for other people rather than actually finding them comfortable or that helpful

It must be tough being exhausted from making effort to communicate. I imagine it's a lot, lot harder for someone who has an actual impairment/disability and has to manage difficulties with communication all the time.

My dad refused to wear hearing aids when his hearing started to deteriorate.

when it got worse he started wearing them for work (because his colleagues complained) but would take them off as soon as he got him.

he couldn’t follow conversations without them and my mum pretty much stopped talking to him as he couldn’t hear her.

he didn’t learn sign or to lip read or anything.

it didn’t really do a lot for their marriage.

This is the obvious truth of the matter.

I'd be more concerned with his dismissive attitude to be honest. Won't pay money for something quality when he can get something for free, it doesn't sound like a world view of someone I'd like to be with.

For me this would be a deal breaker but I would give him the benefit of the doubt. Tell him straight up that's it's an issue for you and he needs to sort them out. Ideally by text so no confusion.

I'm going through similar with DH and honestly I'm inclined to communicate less and less with him. I haven't really had a sit down about it yet but will soon. He understands me face to face but in a busy household with kids I'm often talking while cooking or making lunches etc and I repeat and repeat and repeat, often yelling over the radio on loud. I cannot live my life like this. Also he mishears all the time and gets all huffy and angry over things he thinks I said or over the ridiculous farse that follows when he gets it wrong. A few years ago my eye sight deteriorated rapidly and I need 2 sets of glasses, it's a pain and I'm constantly opening and closing cases. If I decided I could no longer drive or watch Tv with Dh or communicate by text or do the millions of things I now need glasses to do it would have a serious and negative impact on our lives. But I choose to sort it out and adapt and i don't understand why he won't do the same. I know it's more complex but it's about taking responsibility.

As a hearing aid wearer, they take a lot of adjustment

I really hated mine for a long period, and there are still times where they feel like they make my life harder rather than easier. I don't always wear them

I think if you've never worn them it seems like an easy decision because you assume its just like putting on glasses

Its really not the same, and the hearing you get from them is really disorientating and overwhelming. Its not like just turning the volume up on a TV, or a suddenly being able to hear. I found it really tiring so wouldn't have been doing it around a new girlfriend

Certainly I wouldn't have been wearing them for the first time in date like situations, because places like restaurants/ public are the worst for them.

I have got used to mine but don't wear them all the time, and it seems similar for a lot of the other people I know, with more and more turning away from stuff like cochlear implants and hearing aids. It often feels like they are made for the convenience of hearing people rather than to improve my experience

I have had hearing aids, both NHS and the all singing all dancing £2k ones. I didn’t get on with either. I was told some people just don’t get on with them. I went through Specsavers who have a 100 day money back guarantee. The 100 days reset when I tried a different pair to see if they made a difference. When they didn’t they absolutely stuck to their promise and I was refunded in full.

I would suggest he try this route and if he isn’t even prepared to try that would make my decision!

You’ve met up with him 4/5 times you can’t start dictating what he should do. It’s his choice. It’s also your choice as to whether you can carry on dating him knowing he doesn’t want to wear his hearing aids

I think there is a huge difference between someone who can't be bothered and someone is trying to help themselves.
I wear hearing aids, they are not a magic fix for hearing loss but they do help. I know people get more frustrated with me when I don't wear them. So I wear them as much as I can barring infections etc.
I suspect this guy doesn't really get how his hearing problems affect you and until he does you're on to a loser.

It would be entirely different if he wore aids and tried to help the communication between you.

I’m partially deaf. I haven’t bothered with hearing aids as they are such a frigging faff and actually I quite like that it’s a little bit more effort for folk to talk to me. Unless someone is directly in front of me and I can lip read whilst hearing a bit I can really struggle.

Me and OH have just adapted. He either texts me, comes and finds me and speaks square on or bangs the floor to get me to turn round 😂 But if HE needs to talk to me HE puts himself in a position that I can then comprehend what he’s saying.

Have you had a conversation with him to find out how he manages with his mates / how he prefers to be communicated with? This is quite easy to adapt and overcome with a bit flexibility if you’re serious about him. If you’re not willing to that’s fine- just move on. Don’t introduce your deaf friend to try and influence him to buy hearing aids that’s ludicrous. It’s his health and his hearing. I’d be flipping furious if someone did that to me it’s so condescending and self serving.

It must be hard for people who can hear well to imagine not wanting to ‘fix’ it and have better hearing, and be happy with the function they have. Although I was pretty devastated when I first lost my hearing I adapted quickly and there are plenty times it works to my advantage if I’m honest.

He can’t be bothered to sort his hearing out then that’s his problem.
Personally I couldn’t continue dating him.
my friend has hearing aids which she brought privately, they are amazing. Can hardly see them either.