AIBU to refuse to cook for rude stepson after family gathering?

Come on!! A 13 year old is always going to say no to that especially when he’s feeling insecure and unwanted and you offer a choice. What would you say to your own sons? “We’re all going to the panto; I’ve got us all tickets because it’s a family event and you are in our family and we won’t enjoy it as much without you.”

Seems to me he is firmly on team dad and no one is on team son.

This crops up all the time on MN. Why don't people think this through before marrying someone with a child/children. It never benefits the children. Selfish. Sure have your relationship if you must, but keep your children's homes and lives separate.
OP your DH should be parenting his child himself. No wonder the son's behaviour is poor. He must feel miserable.

Your H is the problem

“ DS, @Bookworm847 asked you a question, answer her please.”

or “DS, we don’t speak to each other like this, don’t talk to @Bookworm847 like that”

your h just decided you’re doing his child care without the decency to agree it with you is outrageous. Tell him he takes leave and cover, because you are not his babysitter. His contact time is something HE needs to be present for.

this should have been utterly dealt with the FIRST time DSS was rude to you. Your H is a lazy fucker.

By not pulling him up on his behaviour, copping a strop with OP for not cooking him dinner, leaving him with OP but to name a few......

When you were at your party, did neither of you think that the child was on his own and might need food brought in?

You need to get to the bottom of why he ignores you. Then you can try and resolve it.

I think most 13 year olds can kind of make something for themselves however I don’t think it’s kind or welcoming not to consider him. If he was invited as a guest and it was a family event would it not of been ok to bring back food from gathering? Or between the op and her husband think ahead and think he would need to eat?

Like seriously why is this even a question. You give me the ick because you are such a sap. Grow up and grow a back bone

Agree with you both. Poor boy.

Yes, it does. Never mind, as long as they are all happy eh😕

It sounds like all the adults are tbh.

Funny how those loser men always find a solvent house owning woman to house them.
He's a misogynistic loser who has the cheek to sulk when you won't play skivvy to his rude child that he doesn't care enough about to parent properly.
Loser.

Me too, he’s still a young boy whose father is letting him down badly.

You have to remember @Bookworm847 , your step son didn’t chose to be born into this situation. His home life with his mum sounds chaotic too. This is why after considering a blended family dropped the idea. I really wish between your DH, the biological mother and yourself, that you would find a solution for the poor 13 year old. It’s a very impressionable age and if he’s unhappy in both homes, he’s likely to get sucked into a gang as a way of belonging. Help this child.

Your husband is an arsehole

It’s odd. I see my step son every other weekend, known him since he was 7. He gets moody sometimes with both by dp and myself. I ignore it as I have teenage dc so I just carry on, will make meals for him with my dp and ask him what we would like me to make for dinner. After a few moody visits, this bank holiday weekend he really wanted to engage with me , showing my stuff he was doing on this game so I dropped everything and spent time with his . It was a golden moment. Step parenting can be a thankless task but I try to treat his like my own.

I can’t believe the way a 13 year old child is being spoken about on this thread 😢

This is good news op. I cross posted but I would be giving this some serious thought in an attempt to undo some damage on your sons.

Why on earth did you husband think it was ok to ask you what you were cooking for his son?!

He hasn’t got your back here at all. Have they moved into your house-who owns it?

You really don't like this child do you, it seeps out of your posts and it seems everything is his fault. Imagine how you'd feel if someone was this indifferent towards your child.

I know you’re getting a hard time on here op, but the fact that your h spoke to you like that, the fact that you had to question if it’s ok, the fact that your dad behaves as he does - all suggests that you all live an extremely misogynistic life and have done for decades.
this isn’t something that is going to be undone with a stern chat, this is ingrained misogyny.
I would be looking at getting my ducks in a row, in an attempt to get my own sons away from this whilst they are in their formative years.

I think the key to this situation is what happened two years ago to cause this - and I strongly suspect it stems from the move to secondary school where he then went from 50:50 contact down to EOW.
Does he somehow blame OP for this? Were his wishes discussed amongst the adults? I can imagine he feels very pushed out and unwanted and he is taking this out on OP. Your DH has been a shit dad for not getting to the bottom of this or for doing any parenting at all - allowing him to be rude and isolate himself for two whole years?? Why has he been allowed to sit on the computer in his room and not interact? Why was he allowed to not go to the family event?

What is the relationship like between your H and his ex, or you and the ex? Is it civil?
This child is clearly very unhappy and needs the adults to present a united front and find out what’s going on and try to fix it.

No, YANBU to not cook for him. YABU to not be pushing your husband to sort this out, to
not be a part of the solution as he is a child and needs the adults to help him and rebuild relationships. Otherwise I think your whole relationship is dead in the water, you have a massive DH problem.