To be surprised at screen usage during a family outing?

I admit to being completely addicted to my phone (mid 50s). I will always have it on the table if I’m eating with other adults (as will most of my peers) but, even though I find it tough, I will only use it to look up information related to the conversation we are having. The rest of the time is usually more relaxed, though I am trying to put it down more often when talking to DH and adult DC as I recognise that I’m not always listening fully (probable ADHD doesn’t help). The videos and video calls drives me insane; I don’t have the sound on for anything.

When MIL comes round to visit i have had to nudge OH for going on his phone...however MIL also goes on hers.
Im the only one who doesn't.
Annoys me and I do find it rude.
My two kids are addicted to their phones..though we dont allow them at the table.
Worst things ever.
So many times ive been out for a meal and I can see the whole table sat heads down scrolling through (utter shite no doubt) their phones.
Couples sat across from one another head deep in their phones.
Is Jessica two doors down selfie that bloody important?

Very judgemental. You are witnessing a snapshot of life. Focus on e joying yourself and mind your own business.

I have to tell my students not to get their phones out during seminars- it’s one of the rules. If they need to use it in an emergency, they must leave the room. If I see a student using their phone, I stand and glare at them until they stop. I find it rude and it won’t kill anyone not to look at a screen for an hour.

Omg yes! That is such a great analogy

Depends on the meal and situation, meeting up for lunch or dinner, no phones, everyone staying for a weekend somewhere, fine to read news etc at breakfast, like reading a paper. I just can’t do socialising before 9am

Yes - phone addiction in "older" generations rarely gets spoken about, but where I live (not the U.K.) it is pretty awful.

Here, phones are far more essential, as they are pretty much mandatory for all communication, business, payments, transportation etc. So older people were forced to adopt them earlier than back in the U.K. and it is a real thing that you see the youngsters on their phones, and the elder relatives on their phones...

With an awkward middle group who are pretty 50/50.

I don't think it is actually age dependent at all, but more based on how you were exposed to social media and technology (which somewhat correlates with age).

I think partly its because both the older and younger are more likely to have less/no experience of technology that isn't addictive/connected. My grandpa only started using a phone after social media was everywhere, so he never really experienced non addictive tech... same for my son, who wasn't born before social media existed.

The middle group though, have seen the rise of social media and tech, and have adapted to slowly increasing features, and as are generally more aware of the dangers and traps of it. It is the same with tech scams. It tends to be the young and the elderly who haven't gradually developed tech literacy and awareness, who then fall into digital scams.

It's calls on speakerphone that I really notice in the older generation with phones - my dad will always answer wherever we are and it will always be loud! My mil will glance at her WhatsApp messages and then read them out to us - regardless of whether we know the people, are remotely interested or even if it's from a group chat we are in and can read it ourselves on our own phones. But I think the absolute worst demographic for antisocial phone use is parents of young children who prop noisy ipads up in front of them the second they sit down in a cafe or restaurant (without even waiting to see if the child gets bored or restless) and blast out tinny YouTube videos relentlessly. Goodness knows how those children will ever have an understanding of social skills and table manners as they grow up, so the problem will only intensify.

My parents and ILs are elderly and DF doesn't don't know how to go online, FIL has maybe 1 website with sports, so scrolling is not a thing. However neither are capable of letting a call ring out or being on silent. I brought them both out recently for a kids occasion to a fancy restaurant. DF got a call just as dinner was served and took the call, chatting away to my sister for a few mins. Next thing FILs phone went and he started chatting..we were all sitting there glaring at them, our very expensive meal had just arrived and they were so rude.

Completely agree, my mum and dad as well and MIL and FIL appear to be glued to iPads all day. Completely ignoring grandchildren when they’re around, makes me sad. My eldest (7) was desperately trying to get MIL attention the other day to show her something, she didn’t even look up from candy crush. Everyone talks about the negative impacts on kids and teenagers of screen use but I see very few comments about the older generation

Yes there was a respectable looking woman late 60s/70s watching reels loudly on the train. Teens were eye rolling

This an interesting thread because usually it is this same age group who moan about the ‘kids’ having too much screen time; I agree it is becoming the norm for many which is sad.

I think it is significant that in OPs family all the children have grown up. There's certain ways I behave better in front of children / young teenagers - i make healthier food choices and swear much less. I wonder if the adults are just not feeling the pressure to model good phone etiquette or table manners.

My kids are 20 and 22 and they don’t have phones at the table. It’s not a rule - they just know it’s not polite and you talk to people when sitting and eating with them.
As for other times - riding in the car, watching tv - yes the phones are often out, mine too.

I don't allow screens at the table, however I do allow one young adult child to have a phone and play on it when we are between courses at a restaurant. They're autistic and find it very hard between courses, so it seems reasonable for them. They are well aware that it's not acceptable in general in society though. I also don't care if someone at another table is sitting there judging what they don't know.

Yeah everyone has gone insane. Baby boomers have no defence mechanism so they seem to be the worst. I would say the generation f late Millennials/early Gen X are didn't grow up with phones but still knew about computers so seem to be the only people who can stop looking for ten seconds. That's how everyone has gone down rabbit holes as well. I really hope the culture changes and teens are kept away from phone by the time my kids are older.

I have been out and about a lot this week and I noticed a real trend of people using speakerphone to talk & having their phone on loud while they scrolled through shorts or tictoc. They were all older people which I did think was odd.

I have noticed previously when i’m out for dinner with friends or DH and there are often couples or 2 friends in their 20s and they don’t talk whilst eating just looking at their phones.

I'm the age group of your parents and would never use or allow screens at the table. Nor would any of my friends (bar the check- the-traffic stuff, after finishing eating).
As you have children, I think it's reasonable to discreetly ask your family not to use screens in front of the kids.

I have seen it too op and it drives me mad. I have friends that will send a message and I will reply along the lines of 'just serving up dinner' yet get a response back as if I am going to be sitting on my phone while at the dinner table. If I am with someone or out somewhere I dont check my phone at all. I see no reason to either it is just basic manners as far as I can tell.

But you don’t go around to their house often?