My DH is just a bit of a Neanderthal and it’s frustrating or am I the one who’s in the wrong ?

I think there are numerous traumatic or life limiting situations and events that people don't understand until they experience it. For example, a terminal diagnosis, death of a child, victim of violent crime, surviving major accidents when others didn't, and many more. Severe mental health issues would come within this. You can't really understand it unless you have been there.
So maybe you can refrain the situation to having no expectations that he will understand your issues, because how can he. Once you've accepted he, and your Dad and anyone else who doesn't, can not understand where you are with your MH, and you have no expectations that they ever will, you are liberated to seek help from those that can help you and do understand where you are and the challenges you face.
Though empathy and support can be given by a partner without them really understanding the lived experiences of their partner. That's a reasonable expectation from your life partner, which you don't seem to be getting. That would be more of an issue for me than them truly understanding what I was experiencing.

He sounds like a complete knob.

Gloved hands Cecilia
I am not for SSRIs. Research shows they don't work and they often make symptoms worse. There is a man who collates all the inquests of people who have committed violence against others or themselves after starting sertaline.

The above quote is an utter load of crap.

Antidepressants don’t work for everyone but are helpful to many.

As for making people violent - that opinion is absolutely unhinged.

Anti anxiety and anti depressants can truly be life changing. They take about 6-8 weeks to make a difference and there can be unpleasant side effects in the initial stages including heightened anxiety. However, like everyone else has said, you’d probably have better mental health without your ‘d’h. You’re probably doing everything anyway so what have you got to lose by separating?

Hi OP. I just wanted to wish you well. As another poster has stated above, SSRIs do have their place and have helped countless people. I suffered with PND and then health anxiety. It was pretty dark for a good while. I was prescribed SSRIs and once they’d properly kicked in (maybe 6 weeks in?) they cleared my mind enough to make a plan of action for the other things I could do to support myself getting better.
For me that looked like talking therapy and exercise. Those two things then did the bulk of the work but I can’t overemphasise that the drugs got me to a point where I had the head space to take action.
I see the drugs now (and I came off them some years ago) as something that came just in time and made space for me to look after myself and my babies. If I was in the same position again I’d do the same thing, I have no doubt on that point.
Im sure some people do have worsening symptoms on them, but surely all medicines have that, and the GP is the person to ask about any concerns on that front.
Your husbands view that you’ll become a zombie is probably the furthest thing from the truth. As you feel better with the SSRIs and any other positive self care steps you take, you’ll probably be a more present parent with more energy and motivation to be involved in you DCs lives (at least that’s what it was like for me)
Bottom line is that this is YOUR health, not his or your family’s, and so you’re the only one who gets to decide what choices you make.
I hope you start to feel better soon x

But he's not a very nice human being it seems. Shame that doesn't count for anything.

OP, I've never met you but I know you can do better than this misogynistic cunt.

Alone forever would be better than this.

If not for you, think ahead to your daughter's choice of future partner. This is currently her standard and frame of reference. Do you want your life for her?

no that’s not how all men think
he’s just a bit of a dick

This article says that a coroner questions (following a suicide) whether enough information is conveyed about the possible side effects of taking SSRIs. I’m not sure how this is helpful here - you’re sidestepping the response to your other post which pointed out that people taking SSRIs can have suicidal ideation prior to being prescribed the medication. Suicide is, tragically, sometimes a side effect of poor mental health. Can you provide evidence that categorically shows SSRIs cause suicide, rather than underlying poor mental health? If not, these links to woolly articles are pointless. As a pp says above, correlation is not causation.

I would be explaining to him that, sadly, he is not a "keeper" due to his sexist and ablist views.

You'll be happier without him.

Have you considered also that you may be ND? Given what you’ve said about your DD also I think it’s worth considering.

have you looked into OCD OP? Those intrusive thoughts need addressing
you can self refer for therapy on the NHS alongside meds
you mentioned that you have tried talking therapy but please consider that there is a lot of variety in talking therapies, from the different character / education etc of the therapist to the mode of therapy that they deliver, it’s really worth trying a different approach
also to say, if your daughter is being flagged as potentially having some neuro divergence I’d suggest it’s worth looking at traits that you and / or your husband have as it’s likely at least one of you may also be ND, this might also link to your high levels of anxiety and intrusive thoughts, or it may not! But definitely worth considering I would say
all in all, please for your own sake and that of your child, put your needs on the table and address them, it would be awfully sad to live your life on someone else’s terms

To him, women are fuckable domestic appliances and he wants the 'high end' brand that won't malfunction (i.e., is she pretty, wealthy and healthy).

He sounds absolutely rancid, how you tolerate living alongside him, I don't know. His attitude will start effecting your daughter, sooner or later.

But he’s a horrible person so none of this matters.

It doesn’t make a difference whether he’s got a good job or is good looking if his attitude and personality is making you miserable and is denying you and your daughter the help and support you need.

He is ignorant, arrogant, just bloody awful...and he's proud of it.

Don't think there's much you can do. He won't be educated by you so what is there? Listen to his crap and watch him deny you both appropriate support, or accept you're not compatible and initiate a split.
Scary stuff, I know. I sympathise with you enormously. He won't see the light I'm afraid. Not ever.
Best of luck. Poor you. X

His attitude is very unattractive.
Hope you are feeling better now with the medication.

How he spoke about the brother in law's fiancée is outrageous, like she's a piece of meat.
He sounds very judgemental and emotionally immature, unable to deal with anything that's not his definition of perfect.
This man won't have your back in tough times by the sounds of it. If your mental health struggles or that of your DC, I don't think he'd be able to handle it. He'll pass off his ignorance and inability to cope with meaningless statements like 'it is what it is' or just deny the problems exist. He doesn't sound like he has respect for professionals or others opinions either, for example not wanting to listen to the school's opinions on DC's needs.

I was really consumed by thoughts of death, illness and disasters tearing me apart from my children and I don’t want to live in that dark place anymore.

Makes perfect sense given who your children would be left with.

@dhandhisviews

When I saw the thread title I thought “neanderthal” was an exaggeration but it turns out that you are right. Yikes.

Have you spoken to him about his views in a wider context? Does he think people receiving chemo for
cancer are weaker / less than?

Have you had a neutral conversation about what he sees his value add to the family as being? Since yours is looks, mothering and never needing mental health support.

I’d be curious to probe his thought processes. Personally I’d find his thinking very unattractive but I’d still want to draw him out on his ridiculous views before setting him straight.

I feel for you being married to such a man, get your finances in order, speak to a solicitor and get out of there.

This (attached screenshot) was on my ig feed just before I read your post!
Im sorry, op. Sadly a lot of this is still very relevant.