My DH is just a bit of a Neanderthal and it’s frustrating or am I the one who’s in the wrong ?

Do you know what doesn’t improve society? Spreading misinformation.
HTH

What you are claiming is categorically wrong.

Maybe you should stop reading rubbish on dodgy conspiracy sites?

@GlovedhandsCecilia should be laughed at and ignored!

Why does he think he can tell you what to do regarding taking medication?

it’s not just women who get that sort of judgement - it’s also men. It’s like ‘ what do they bring to the table ‘. It just seems harsh but that’s why I sort of asked - do most men feel this way ?
@dhandhisviews

Not all men feel this way but men involved in the manosphere do. Toxic, unbalanced, dangerous men.

Ok, but the last thing OP needs is to read this rubbish on every page on her thread after starting on prescribed medication. Wasn't aware of the history.

Another vote for horrible. He sounds like he’s really hard work to me and you and your DD deserve better. Meds for depression can be life changing and school don’t calm you in to talk about these things lightly. It sounds like he’s got issues himself honestly. Dose he spend a lot of time listening to these masculinity influencers online by any chance?

It’s this. So many women go through therapy, medication etc for anxiety, depression, a myriad of conditions, and it’s actually their living conditions and a total dickhead in their face all the time which is the problem.

He sounds obnoxious and draining.

As PP have said, I suspect that a year out of splitting, you will find your MH has improved dramatically.

She hadn’t made any “point”. As this poster does on every thread on mumsnet… just spouts crap, annoys people and then eventually is ignored and so shuffles off

You've made your point twice. Maybe give it a rest now.

So, what does he bring to the table then?
If housework isn't your forte and you were working, presumably having a cleaner wasn't an issue.
If your dd isn't paying attention at school, how was he at school? What's his highest qual if his standards are so exacting? PhD I hope.
Why exactly did you have to go back to work if being rich is of such value to him? Does he not have his own fortune?

I doubt it. He's therefore a mysgynistic twerp ruined by his parents.

Regarding therapy op, we fpund with dd tgst they were like new shoes - you had to try many before getting the right fit. DD was also so low when we identified her issues, that she needed AD's to take off the edge and allow her to engage.

Being married to a chap like yours would make me unwell I think. TBF DH is a bit anti meds of all kinds but had been told to lump it and read up and the other things he brought have compensated. For example when ds wasn't paying attention aged 7/8 DH came to parents' evening (for once) asked the teacher what she was doing to stretch a bright boy, didn't like the answers, so told me to get his name down to sit the entrance exam for the local prep. I did, he got in. Coukd your DH support that?

It sounds as though some couples/family therapy would be helpful, or some parenting classes. Frankly if he wouldn't engage with that I'd leave him before your dc are much bigger. He can then be a real man and stump up maintenance and let you stay in the family home. Because, you know this, with his extensive strengths and assets he'll meet a wealthy heiress, probably a partner at a leading law firm, who is also very beautiful.

I remember when i did my mental health training, we were told why this is (or was belived to be then) At rock bottom, people are inacapable of doing anything or choosing anything. One of the first things that people regain once the meds start to work is choice and agency and sadly this means that where they were incapable of self harm when at their worst, they become capable of it again. This doesn't mean that receiving treatment is a bad thing, but it does mean that their can be danger points which need monitoring.

Yes, antidepressants do work and help a lot of people. Half your problem is you are married to an absolute arsehole, who has destroyed your self esteem. I think you will find you improve massively if you lose him. He won't change but you can X good luck

But he's a vile pig. Money and health and appearance don't make up for being a horrible person.

Are you planning on staying married to him, or are you receptive to advice/support to leave him?

Gosh OP, please do not give any mind to this post by someone else who has no lived experience.

SSRI medications are many and all have different side effects. Your GP has put you on medication that they believe will help. It usually takes about 3 months to notice a difference. If you experience side effects that don't work for you, there are many other types that will. I have changed mine over the years as and when needed.

Advocate for your daughter, look after yourself and your medication will bring the clarity you need. It seems like your post may be the start of an epiphany for you!

Your husband's views sound deeply unattractive and it sounds as you may be thinking the same.... you know what to do, new beginnings and all x

Source for these meds “not working”?

Depressing to think this vile man has children who will be listening to his appalling (and stupid) views

It really isnt. They don't work and are harmful. They are just cheaper than proper treatments and certainly cheaper than improving society.

He sounds awful. And good looks can only go so far! Soon he will become physically ugly to you also because of the way he treats you (if he hasn't already) also, sounds like HE is the one with mental health problems. His bullying and neglect to you as a partner has CREATED your MH problems. I hope you gain the strength to leave him eventually but stay strong. You CAN do better xxxx

Your husband is physically and psychologically abusive when he voices views that prevent you from accessing necessary medical care and treatment.

He can decide whether to take medication himself to treat a condition or not. He can't make that decision for you.

That you have to secretly take medication for a diagnosed condition is a form of domestic abuse.

His views are preventing your daughter from being evaluated and treated for a medical condition. That's also abuse.

Btw, CBT doesn't work well on ND people.

Wow.

OP - your inner critic is loud and wrong. You are objectively having a very tough time at the moment. It’s not surprising you need some mental health support. This is not a failing on your part - it’s a
perfectly normal reaction to some pretty brutal circumstances.

Be kind to yourself.

Being made redundant - must have been very stressful and a dent to your confidence/self esteem.

Not bringing money in at the moment - the key words are in italics. You brought in money before and you can do so again so this is a temporary situation and you should have the expectation of a loving partner supporting you while you get back on your feet.

DC not doing well at school - again, worrying, understandably. Personally, I would not have the energy to argue. I’d just continue to engage with the school and follow their recommendations, while continuing my own research
into how to support DC.

How old is the youngest? The “terrorism” may be age related and will likely pass. Again, I’d focus on research / seeking feedback and just continue with my strategies to improve the behaviour.

Sex - have you ever told him that his lack of support and empathy has killed your attraction for him? I am guessing here, but I am pretty sure that is part of it. If it’s something else then you can address that in your own time via GP
or other.

I am glad you are taking the meds. Are they working for you?

I took them for a very short time when I was going through my divorce and they helped me detach so much better during that very fraught period. I am now off them so it doesn’t have to be a forever thing. I was resistant (scared / anti meds generally) but honestly they helped me get through a very bad time.

Once your meds settle and you have more strength, please consider your relationship more widely.

Living and trying to build a life and family with a performance managing critic is not a nice place to be. Ask me how I know.

He is treating you like a faulty domestic appliance - is this what you want for your future?

I hope you get stronger and these
challenges pass. At some point, firm talks should be had though - you deserve kindness and support.

💐

The site i linked which collates all the inquests shows that many people never attempted self harm until they were prescribed medication, irrespective of their previous history of trauma and mental illness/instability. Yes, they might have experienced poor mental health before the prescription, but they never actually tried to hurt themselves until they started taking the drugs.

usual question from me (well two)
1 what does he bring to the party?
2 why do you stay?

I'm sorry you are going through this OP, it's bad enough to be suffering but he is being horrible about it and not helping at all. I would go and see your doctor - it's absolutely not the case that any medication will make you a zombie. The whole point is you get whatever help you need and adjust it as you go. It can really help get you back on track. I think as far as your daughter goes you'll need to take charge and liaise with the school etc, obviously they aren't going to be raising things which are not an issue - but I realise that's a lot for you to take on at the moment. Longer term - is he really right for you?