My DH is just a bit of a Neanderthal and it’s frustrating or am I the one who’s in the wrong ?

Ugh he's horrible and is going to give your poor daughter trauma by not supporting her. LTB. You might find your mental health approves.

I would say this is a form of abuse and it is not typical of men at all.

A few years ago I had a very bad resurgence of MH issues. I was off work for over a year and acutely unwell for around 10 months, hospitalised twice. My husband was amazing. He has consistently always said 'bad health happens and when it does we help each other' and 'this is what we signed up for'. I had serious episodes before we were married so he didn't go in blind.

He supported me, looked after our daughter and never once did I feel his support waver or be conditional. I do think he's an exceptional person - that's why I married him - but I don't think he's exceptional as a man. I know my brother would have and has done similar in his relationship and countless other men I know take MH very seriously as well as supporting a partner.

You are more than any label or struggle and he sounds horrible and very shallow.

And for the record I have taken SSRIs most of my adult life, including when pregnant and breastfeeding. I was advised to stay on them during that time as all the research indicates that there is very little to no impact on the baby and the impact of the mother being severely mentall unwell is much larger. My kid is now a healthy, happy 9 year old.

What medication you take is ultimately your decision and I find being a functioning parent to my child invaluable! I am also in the 'is it ND or developmental trauma?' space and it's hard to know, but you don't need a label to get support and try new strategies to work with who you are instead of against yourself or trying to fit into rigid social rules.

Hang in there and give yourself permission to take care of yourself.

I think Ted Bundy’s girlfriend said something quite similar about him.

Obviously I’m not suggesting he’s a serial killer, but is that really enough for you? You fancy him, he’s healthy and the bills are paid? That’s not much for a happy life. Don’t you want someone you actually like? Someone who is nice to you?

Exactly this. I know they work because I’m alive and functioning and I wouldn’t be without them. The blanket denial that they work usually comes from the sort of people who think that people can cure themselves of depression by just pulling themselves together, taking a parsley supplement and going for a nice long walk. It’s so fucking tedious and it frightens me how many people have been lost because they’ve been frightened out of taking them by some dickhead who knows fuck all about them.

OP, I think this is your wake up call. Your husband is not a good man and I don’t think you or your DD will have a very happy life if you stay with him.

none of your posts suggest he has any redeeming features, OP. He’s not supporting you or your children and seems hell bent on creating a toxic atmosphere for you all.

You can’t change him, so the only choices you have are to extract yourself from him.

The same way invalidating any other aspect of that person would impact.

Let’s say you had endometriosis and he said it wasn’t that painful. Or hay fever/food allergy and he said you were imagining it. Or hearing loss and he said you were making it up.

He’s not an expert in the field and his opinion is irrelevant.

Look into developmental trauma, honestly. As well as ADHD.

Have you considered that your mental health issues and anxiety are worse because of yoir husband?

If I was unsupported and constantly criticised, I imagine I would feel negative about myself and become anxious?

He doesn't appear to provide you sny dupport, encouragement, help, positivity etc.

@dhandhisviews

HE is the cause of your issues.

LTB

Wish I had.

But he is very unkind and judgemental. I prefer the company of kind and empathetic people over good looking arseholes.

Wanted to comment as I've read all your replies and feel my situation is really similar to you (except my husband is very supportive as he's had his own mental health issues in the past)

Have you spoken to GP about trying propranolol? I found that really effective with actual worrying, fizzy thoughts, anxiety etc. I started sertraline about 6 weeks ago and I've found it good so far, not like a zombie at all, I feel like it's cleared away the fog so I can actually be myself and the kind of mum I want to be.

You could also get some L Tyrosine, it's a vitamin not a prescription, there has been some research into it helping with ADHD, I've found it helpful but maybe just a placebo!

Good luck and I'm sorry you're not getting support from your husband, you deserve better

That’s lovely for them. Nobody would be telling me what medications I could or couldn’t take.

Cocaine has zero effect on me.

My background is similar, CPTSD (developmental) can also look like ADHD and fits the ‘no apparent problems at school’ description. Again, not trying to diagnose you, but it may be worth considering. And it doesn’t rule out also being ND.

Haven't tried it and don't intend to, but one of my early "hmmm" moments came when I realised strong coffee made me sleepy.

Did you see my earlier post about right to choose ?

I was diagnosed with ADHD at 33 after about a decade of trying to figure out what was wrong with me. I did really well at school and university (As, first at a good uni) but fell apart as soon as I hit the workplace. Great at anything academic but hopeless at anything practical. Got a distinction in my master's in my mid twenties but it was one of the worst years of my life. I am also reasonably ok professionally and hide it pretty well - but I have rage quit at least 4 jobs and performance at work came at great cost to my personal life before meds, I was a burnt out zombie living in chaos with no energy to maintain friendships.

I am sure you know this but the symptoms have to have been there since childhood for it to be ADHD. I am fortunate that I was able to compensate because I'm smart and had a good education but the symptoms were still there. I used school reports to evidence that, I actually wasnt expecting them to be helpful because my memory is that I performed well at school but there was evidence of my struggles in literally every report.

Just saying the fact that you feel you had no problems at school doesn't rule out ADHD. And your husband sounds deeply ignorant so at the least please ignore his opinions and do what's right for you.

Cocaine isn’t a party drug but something that helps us focus.

It’s only recently that I’ve learnt this. A few people have told me that coke doesn’t act as a stimulant if you’ve got adhd.

Btw, I've never not worked, I've held down my current job for a long time, and I generally get by, but it's always felt hard and a bit like a game of ker-plunk where you know that if you pull the wrong straw everything will crash down. Just in case that feeling is familiar.

OP, this is very much like me. At School I was always in the top three in the year - until puberty hit, when I really struggled. Looking back i can see that i was socially and emotionally behind my peers, despite being more academically able. I also never really learnt HOW to work, because things came quite naturally to me and I was good at focusing in. I dropped out of university because I really couldn't cope, and have been on and off various SSRIs ever since - one of them really didn't suit me, but the others have helped.
In my late 40s, after some trying health issues and other personal stuff, I was diagnosed as having both autism and adhd. I can't take adhd meds but just knowing is a tool and helps me to find ways of coping that work for me, rather than beating myself up because other people's suggestions never really work.
Oh, and your husband is a knob.

is this really the person you want to make critical medical decisions for you and your children if you’re incapacitated? I wouldn’t trust him with a pet rock, let alone what kind of medical treatment I or my children should get. It doesn’t matter hoe good looking, healthy or rich he is if your value to him is entirely based on how much convenience you bring to his life and ambitions.

Based on what youve said, I’d be shocked if he didn’t divorce you if you got cancer or denied permission for life saving treatment if he needed to do any caring whatsoever.