AIBU to think my adult life is average rather than privileged?

@Finchell

I grew up in rented accommodation in a deprived area. We didn’t have birthday or Christmas presents. Occasionally, neighbours would give small gifts such as a doll or a colouring book and I remember being thrilled. We didn’t have our own toys, so we played with our neighbours’ bikes and whatever they were willing to share.
At one point, when we had to leave our home, the only things I truly “owned” were four library books I had taken out and those were the only items I had to pack.
Despite that start, all four of us went on to university at a time when university fees weren’t required and we were fortunate enough to receive grants. Later, I unexpectedly received a £5,000 inheritance, which I was incredibly surprised by and deeply grateful for. I used it towards a deposit.
From there, I made good financial decisions, alongside a fair amount of luck. I was able to pay off my home by the age of 30, before I was even married or had children.
I’m very aware that my situation now is one of real privilege. My children will likely inherit over £1 million each. I don’t take that lightly, and I recognise how fortunate I have been.

Uni worker here too. I denied the class system existed until I started working in a Uni. It definitely still does. Spent the other month sitting in a Uni library listening to students speak about how many houses their parents had! It’s another world.

🤣🤣🤣 best comment

Stop your nonsense. You are deliberately setting out to make people feel like sh*t

And you know it

I can not belive this! Surely you must realise that most people have no help and save up or simply do not get on the housing ladder. I live in the nw in a area of terraced housing with a mix of owned and housing association rented. You can not be so out of touch to realise your bubble of an area is not the normal for the whole of the uk?

This sounds like all the white men that spout ‘where’s my privilege’, just because you don’t recognise it doesn’t mean it’s not there.

My parents told me ‘you know we can’t afford to help you right?’, I watched my dad work 2 jobs my whole life and still have to beg and borrow, he still can’t afford to retire now nearing 70. I couldn’t go to another nearby city to study because I didn’t have any money to move or live there. There wasn’t always a lot of food in our cupboards, and we never had disposable income for clothes or days outside like some of my friends. My husband grew up poorer than that.

We’re both luckily in the situation with our jobs and views on savings that our children will be in a much more privilege’s position. We will be able to help them with a house, be gifted money, taken on holidays, bought whatever they want (within reason). And I can’t wait to be able to do all that for them. I don’t want them to grow up struggling with less opportunities like we did.

But they will know they are better off than others and will be taught to appreciate the privilege they have.

You are not Joe average, you are privileged and would not have had an education, job, house or opportunities without this privilege. You have to accept that and appreciate it.

It’s quite difficult not to be in a bubble. I went to a university where there were a lot of wealthy students. The majority of the the friends I made were all from strikingly similar backgrounds to me, state school attendees with working class parents who had access to to free education in the sixties and got professional jobs as a result. I now work at the same uni and can confirm that the class system is still alive and well.

I've only read the OP's posts. You are very privileged @Finchell .

OP you really do need to educate yourself about the desperate shortage of Council and social housing. Many homeless families are put into bed and breakfast accommodation which involves a whole family, with their belongings, living in one room. That is not what anyone would call a ‘studio’.

This, why feed it?

My parents cleared out their savings (inheritance from their parents) to give me a £50k house deposit 20 years ago. I am now divorced and own my house outright. I get enough maintenance from my ex that I can afford to work part time in a job I love. I am so very privileged! I am grateful every day for my financial security and I am acutely aware of the housing crisis and the cost of living crisis and the levels of poverty millions of people are living in in this country, never mind elsewhere in the world.

This thread made me chuckle, surely it can’t be possible foe anyone to get to adult hood and have absolutely no idea about the range of circumstances of people in tne country. Never sees the news, doesn’t understand child poverty, unemployment, low income. Amd thinks everyone’s parents just throws money at them.

op, you’re lucky your parents support you as you’re not a high earning household, and if you have kids you’re unlikely to be able to do for them whay your parents do for you.

Such wilful ignorance. Ever wondered how there were scores of empty houses waiting for those on the council housing list during a housing crisis? Why rents were so high when the councils were overloaded with houses at the ready...?

I think people are being unnecessarily harsh to the OP. I’m a degree educated millennial in the South East with a ‘good job’ who was state educated and most people I know who own a place got some help towards the deposit. In all cases their parents were baby boomers who were more financially comfortable due to more favourable financial conditions mainly around hosing costs as they grew up but not always what you’d describe as ‘middle class’. Either that or they received some inheritance when grandparents passed or they were fortunate to have lived at home with their parents either rent free or paying very little so they could save their house deposit.

The bank of mum and dad is now involved in something like 50% of first time buyer house deposits. It’s unfair but it’s the norm and it’s reality I only know a handful of people who are paid well and yet still don’t own a property and that’s as they didn’t get any family help.

It’s because once rent has gobbled up most your income, bills, student loan repayments you have very little ability to save unless you earn mega bucks. Or maybe even if you haven’t had the money from your family you’ve married someone who has and have benefited that way. It’s a complex picture in which many don’t fully acknowledge their privilege.

Eliza Philly has done a lot of really good work on this area which she calls the inheritocracy. Have a listen to this if you’re interested.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/m002lfft?partner=uk.co.bbc&origin=share-mobile

You are extremely privileged. And the answer as to how others buy a home without a substantial cash gift ? They live very cheaply, sometime with family and save HARD off a deposit. Then mortgage themselves up to the eyeballs and continue to strive at work.

No, large inheritances, trusts and deposits for houses are not the normal.

You and your friends are rich.

Bye!

This has to be a rage bait post as surely no one could be so out of touch with reality?

DH and I are middle class professionals (doctors) from middle class professional backgrounds. DH has never had money for birthdays and Christmas. When I was a teenager a few relatives would give me a tenner for birthdays, maybe totalling £50 but nothing since then! Who on earth is gifting you £2-3k per year?!

We haven’t had any money towards a house deposit or for our children, our children get a couple of toys as birthday and Christmas gifts from family members, nothing more.

We were privileged to be gifted £3k towards our wedding / as a wedding gift from both sets of parents (£6k total). That’s everything we’ve been given. We earn more than you (way above the national average just like you thanks to the privilege of a good state education, stable home background etc). But that’s income we earn ourselves from working not that we’re given.

This comment is a huge sign of privilege. We lived in a tiny flat for 5 years and saved every penny we could for our house deposit.

I think your salary is a bit shit for someone as clearly privileged as you are and imagine people in your circle are earning more and this is what makes you feel “average”. I mean, I grew up with no privilege whatsoever, had 2 jobs for a long time which allowed me to study without debt and save for a house deposit and now earn considerably more than you. The best part of this for me is being able to help my mother have a comfortable retirement as there were times growing up she went without food so I could eat.

😆😆 made me laugh

It's a ragebait post. OP your post is tone deaf and you seem incredibly ignorant. You are very privileged to have received the financial help that you have. Most people have to save themselves. Perhaps as you've received so much you've never had the work ethic or drive to earn more or do more for yourself so life feels average to you, no sense of achievement because you've been gifted so much.
I went to state school, always knew my family didn't have much money but gave me all they could beyond financial means but the greatest gift was a strong work ethic. My DH is the same. We both aced school and uni. Started with nothing and now have our own business, a combined income of 350k, savings of 800k and a flat in London. We did this without anyone's help. Not a stealth brag post but something we are proud of as it came entirely from our own hard work and sacrifice and going without. We do have firends here who have been earning a similar amount and here (abroad) for as long as we have but only managed to save 100k and in part i think its because they are from a privileged background - one has a trust fund and the other was gifted a house in London by their parents so no incentive to save themselves. But we did have to move abroad to a country paying less tax to be able to save more. I do think it is very hard/impossible for young people in the UK to build wealth in today's climate. Tax is too high and wages are low.

Bait post for sure.

Wow 😮
never had any of that.

Yes, but they both know you and you are extremely privileged! You are all part of the same (privileged) circle, whether they know each other or not.

Wow. I’d say I’m more privileged than you and even I know you’re privileged.