AIBU to think my adult life is average rather than privileged?

Exactly, @PhaedraTwo . You don't need to have met people who use food banks to know that they exist, and why.

That's no excuse for OP's ignorance.

Socially and professionally I have no connection with people outside my own privileged bubble, which isn't dissimilar to OP's. I do however have enough common sense and awareness to know just how privileged and not the norm my circle is.

I don’t know what would be considered average but you’re extremely privileged. There is nothing wrong with that, we can’t help our backgrounds. You do seem very naive about what life is like for less privileged people but if it isn’t something you’ve encountered, how would you know.
I have working class parents but they got a council house, when they were plentiful, then saved a deposit and were able to buy. Made money on a house they bought and prioritised savings over luxuries and holidays. They didn’t have financial support from their parents but did have childcare help. This has enabled them to retire early and live comfortably. They’ve also been able to give myself and my siblings financial help while studying, contribution towards weddings and taking us on holiday this year. They last took us on holiday 10 years ago.
Through my jobs, I have seen families that can’t even replace a pair of shoes a child has grown out of. Whole families in temporary accommodation for years, waiting for a more permanent home. People that can’t attend hospital appointments because they don’t have their bus fare. We never had lots of spare money growing up but we didn’t go without essentials. It was a shock to see how desperate some peoples situations are. Had it not been for my jobs, I wouldn’t have an understanding of how hard life is for some people.
I hope to be able to financially support my children, like my parents did. Grandparents have also been saving for them, which they’ll get as adults. My grandmothers only owned their council houses because their children bought them for them through right to buy. They were both single parents, with limited resources and no savings to leave in their wills.

Sounds like you aren't privileged compared to your friends!

Maybe you just don’t have much experience of life apart from people similar to your own standard of living?

Im a community nurse. You have mentioned council houses. There aren’t enough of them to serve the purpose you think they do! There are so many families in severely overcrowded, mouldy, damp and sometimes dangerous houses.
So many families behind with bills, in debt, unable to buy the basics.

My eldest child (mid 20s) and her partner moved into their own home after living with parents for a year after university - they saved 10k each for a deposit. We bought them gifts but didn’t pay their deposit. They have their home through their own hard work. Don’t assume that everyone with their own house has received financial help.

My husband and I both earn a bit more than the average wage. We don’t get any financial assistance from family including any large gifts but we do get Christmas and birthday presents from them - just nothing like the amount you have suggested.

I would say most of our friends are similar. Although not intentional, I think many people socialise with people similar to themselves which may be where your thought process about being average rather than privileged comes from?

You probably aren't privileged compared to your friends, but you are compared to the rest of the UK.

I'm not sure how you inform yourself about how to vote in elections if you don't understand basic problems in society.

You are incredibly privileged. It's such a shame that you are unable to see that and feel that it's 'average'. I think you need to look outside your bubble and look at what most people are actually living.

There's privileged, and then there's ignorant and offemsive privileged llike you, OP.

I'm from a comfortable, middle class upbringing and extremely fortunate to have been adopted by my wonderful parents who gave me the chance to have a childhood in the Home Counties, with holidays, a good education and everything I could ask for.

In comparison to what my life could have been, living in the East End of London, growing up with my drug addict birth mum, it could have been dreadful.

My school friends were from a mixture of backgrounds, some extremely working class, living in constant chaos and fairly messy homes with a single parent. Then, the polar opposite were those friends whose lives were very blessed with their parents being extremely wealthy with large detached houses, and careers usually in excellent executive positions that probably means that they earned well over £100k.

So, in many ways, this gave me a great perspective of life, even from a comfortable and privileged position, I could see just how fortunate I have been - although I won't ever struggle, I'm very aware that my life could have been so much worse. And that of course, there are many whose lives are absolutely awful, very poor, and extremely unfortunate.

You'd think that someone like you might not need a yardstick to measure your wealth by, if you read the news or had an ounce of worldly wise awareness. Clearly, you have some work to do.

Had 50k towards house deposit (everyone I know had had financial support to buy a house)
Gifted 2k to 3k a year (again over birthday and Christmas etc this would seem usual to my friends)
DD has (small) house on trust from grandparents

I had none of these. No help to buy a house, no money at birthday or Christmas and nothing from grandparents.

Not only are you privileged but are you too small in your world to realise that you hang out with a lot of other very privileged people.

People normally socialise with people similar to themselves. If its average for your friendship group it doesn't really matter where other people sit. Focus on what makes you happy!

Privilege is relative. To be honest the level of privilege shaming on mumsnet is ridiculous - success is something to be proud of!

OP You could volunteer for a youth club on the nearest housing association estate.

I did that in 2024 when I was on gardening leave for a few weeks.
I saw 6yo dcs dropped off by the school bus at 3.30 whose working parents didn't get home until 6.30. The dcs ran wild as a little tribe for 3 hours in all weathers. No shelter, nowhere to do homework, often no coats.
We opened up the village hall, handed out burgers and squash. Played board games and did arts & crafts. Read stories.
Those aren't neglectful parents, they are barely making the rent.
Now we collect food from the local M&S that has gone out of date and drop it at the village hall at 8.30pm. Sometimes £500 of bread, milk, ready meals, salad. It's all gone by 9.

Or all three.

Yes, privileged. And it's quite normal that most people you know have had similar or greater levels of assistance, because birds of a feather tend to flock together. I'm a little surprised, even so, that you don't understand just how very privileged you are.

OP, I haven’t rtft because I’m assuming it’s more of the same.

I think it’s easy to become blinded to the differences in society when you don’t open your mind. You might mix with a range of people but you’re still living in an echo chamber.

Expand your mind. Read more. Learn about other countries. Learn about your own.

Read this post back to yourself and see how pompous you sound. I had none of that help growing up and nor did my friends. I earn considerably way more than you do now so with all that help you haven’t done that well. You are living in la la land.

Unless your kids go to private school you may find their are children in their class who live very different lives to yours.

E.g. in my dd's class (very normal town centre primary) there are kids whose parents are professionals (doctors/teachers/lawyers), others earning well, often more than the professionals (e.g. IT/trades), others not earning. Some will likely inherit from wealthy parents, others won't.
Some kids are in big houses with driveways and multiple cars, others in small flats in a council estate. 2 families have been in 1-bed emergency hostels after break ups, 1 family are refugees.
Some parents are still together, others divorced, others always single, others have witnessed DV.

Some go on holiday to Disney or Japan, others have never even been to the beach 10 miles away.

Then there are differing health issues, both parents and children e.g. stroke/mental health issues/ drug addiction (parents), diabetes, allergies, learning difficulties (children).
And different races. One little girl was subject to racist abuse over WhatsApp from one of the parents of another child in the class.

A visitor to the school would see 30 kids dressed the same and think they are similar, but just within that small cross section there is a vast array of privilege of different kinds.

And they all have a privilege others elsewhere in the country don't have - the school is small, safe (apart from the one incident with the racist mum), the school dinners are good. They live in a low-crime town. The secondary schools they will go on to are all pretty good.

Only you know where you fall on the spectrum of privilege. From what you have said it falls on the higher end. Though nowhere near the financial privilege of the super elite who form a small minority right at the very top.

I'd say you are insanely privileged and frankly not living on the same planet as most people.

I consider myself lucky because I went to a grammar school, then to university in the days that grants existed. I have had a 40y career as a result and been paid two or three times national average all the way through . I have a house that I now own outright. I have a pension which means I can retire now (63) and I am fit & healthy.

But, I had my first job at 13, I have not received any financial support from family since 18, I've not married so paid for my house by myself, I've worked ft for 40 years, I'll pay for ds' university and help with his house deposit because I want him to have an equally good start. He has no family money of his own.

That was to @bagsandmags it didn’t quote for some reason

Why so?

Your life is privileged by any normal definition of the term.

I think my life is "privileged" and I have somewhat less that you do in all of the aspects you mention.

I don’t know anyone with this level of financial support and my circle is professional people, maybe we just all made it on our own

my son is privilege in that my late parents left him a large inheritance
this enabled him to buy a house and furnish completely ,pay of debts and buy a car and still have plenty of money left over

he is also privilege in that I give him money to help him out buying stuff , going on holidays

I’m privileged in that I have been able to help him

Could be. It's really very strange to be in such a bubble.

Honestly I think the OP is starting to feel the pinch of the atrocious cost of living nowadays, hence they made a post to get reassurance from all those less fortunate that they are still, indeed, privileged.