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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to think my adult life is average rather than privileged?

685 replies

Finchell · 05/04/2026 21:11

Prepared to be told otherwise and of course I know I have had some degree of privilege. As a child I had a good education and opportunities and I accept that is probably classed as ‘privileged.’ But I don’t think that overall my adult life is, I think it’s pretty standard.

Had 50k towards house deposit (everyone I know had had financial support to buy a house)

Gifted 2k to 3k a year (again over birthday and Christmas etc this would seem usual to my friends)

DD has (small) house on trust from grandparents. I only know one other family who haven’t been in a position to make some provision for their grandchildren, not necessarily a house but cash etc

Earnings 71k, again this is of course not a low amount but in terms of household income it’s not a lot these days.

OP posts:

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EwwPeople · 05/04/2026 21:42

Finchell · 05/04/2026 21:24

@TellMeWhatToWear i thought the UK had one of the highest populations of home owners

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The UK is not even in the top 10. 😬

LarryStylinson · 05/04/2026 21:42

Finchell · 05/04/2026 21:37

@JulietteHasAGun i assumed available as the alternative is being homeless….

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Hi from my council house. I got my tenancy after 6 months on the list due to fleeing domestic violence - this is incredible unusual. Waiting lists in many areas are 10 years +.
I have two degrees but can't earn anything like 71k.
Youre incredibly privileged.

LydiaFunnyGums · 05/04/2026 21:42

Are you for real OP? 🙄

Original poster

Finchell · 05/04/2026 21:42

thisist · 05/04/2026 21:41

What job pays you £71k? Always interested to hear about career paths.

@thisist i work in finance (mid size)

OP posts:

nixon1976 · 05/04/2026 21:42

curious79 · 05/04/2026 21:19

I am very privileged but I see, read and know enough to understand that being gifted houses is not normal under any circumstances.

you need to wake up and look beyond your own nose - honestly you sound thick as mud

This. Even if you claim you don’t know a single person who wasn’t gifted at least one of the above don’t you read or listen to the news?

Come on, nobody is this dumb

Woahtherehoney · 05/04/2026 21:41

I honestly think OP is just trolling now - next they’ll say “why can’t homeless people just go to the council and get given a house” - nobody who is reasonably well educated as OP implied they are can be that blind to the world they live in.

thisist · 05/04/2026 21:41

What job pays you £71k? Always interested to hear about career paths.

TellMeWhatToWear · 05/04/2026 21:41

Finchell · 05/04/2026 21:36

@TellMeWhatToWear but what about council housing? I thought the whole point of that is you get a bigger council house the bigger your family? So why are some people forced into a studio?

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Average wait for a council house is measured in years.

Original poster

Finchell · 05/04/2026 21:41

BendingSpoons · 05/04/2026 21:40

It IS horrendous. Cross posted with you. Google 'council house waiting times in London/Manchester etc'.

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@BendingSpoons thank you, you’re one of the few posters who has actually educated me on this thread! I will look it up

OP posts:

vodkaredbullgirl · 05/04/2026 21:40

Original poster

Finchell · 05/04/2026 21:40

Genxhausted · 05/04/2026 21:39

Volunteer at your local food bank? Make friends with some single mums who didn't go to Uni? Socialise outside of your class or cultural background. It's not difficult!

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@Genxhausted i have two friends who are single mums! Again they have similar experiences to me

OP posts:

BendingSpoons · 05/04/2026 21:40

Finchell · 05/04/2026 21:38

@BendingSpoons can they not go to the council for proper housing? That must be horrendous especially for children

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It IS horrendous. Cross posted with you. Google 'council house waiting times in London/Manchester etc'.

Fantomfartflinger · 05/04/2026 21:40

Are you due a big inheritance or is that all there is, and no more? If so how much approx. I think you are fairly privileged but not on the scale of the mega wealthy. I got help too, most of my friends did not get anything or less than me, it’s just a question of how your family allocates things because some hoard and that is not necessarily any better.

ChickenBananaBanana · 05/04/2026 21:40

Finchell · 05/04/2026 21:38

@BendingSpoons can they not go to the council for proper housing? That must be horrendous especially for children

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You either taking the piss or too stupid to be allowed outside alone

cardibach · 05/04/2026 21:40

Finchell · 05/04/2026 21:37

@JulietteHasAGun i assumed available as the alternative is being homeless….

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A huge number of people are homeless though , mostly in temporary accommodation. How can you not know this? Your ignorance of this fact shows how very privileged (and unwilling to look outside your bubble) you are.
https://england.shelter.org.uk/media/press_release/at_least_382000_people_are_homeless_in_england_today_

At least 382,000 people are homeless in England today - Shelter England

At least 382,000 people are homeless in England today _ Shelter England

https://england.shelter.org.uk/media/press_release/at_least_382000_people_are_homeless_in_england_today_

fartoomuchtoblerone · 05/04/2026 21:40

Just because you choose people who are even more privileged than you as your basis for comparison doesn’t mean you’re not hugely privileged. How about compare yourself to the folk out there who are busting a gut just to pay for the rent on their shitty mouldy private flat and relying on food banks to feed their children? Does thinking about all those folk not make you realise how privileged you are?

JulietteHasAGun · 05/04/2026 21:40

Finchell · 05/04/2026 21:37

@Squirrelchops1 sorry I should have said that’s just one income but entire household

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What?

crawlingovertheline · 05/04/2026 21:40

What’s this all about then, I don’t understand the post…

Evaka · 05/04/2026 21:40

Finchell · 05/04/2026 21:29

@Evaka it was a comment made to me this afternoon that I found upsetting

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Well you've passed on the upset in spades.

I don't particularly care personally because I understand statistics and know what average actually means, plus don't get riled by others having more or less than I do.

But your posts come off as willfully ignorant of how little financial breathing space a lot of people in the UK have. You keep asking what average actually looks like. Use that good education of yours to research it! It'll take you seconds.

Namechange568899542 · 05/04/2026 21:39

Finchell · 05/04/2026 21:24

@BendingSpoons do you mind me asking what you do for a job? I just don’t know anyone in different circumstances, even those I work with have similar or more than I’ve had

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Amongst my peers the salaries range from min wage to £100k+. Only one has had a gifted deposit, another two got their deposit through an inheritance and everyone else has had to live at home into adulthood and save it themselves, or rent. Some grew up in nicer houses and had high flying parents, others grew up working class households with a parent in the trades, and others came from an unemployed single parent home and lived in a council flat. Absolutely none of them get gifted thousands of pounds a year for funsies.

I find it utterly baffling, and frankly unbelievable, that you could have made it to adulthood without having ever known anyone who came from anything less than privilege.

Arlanymor · 05/04/2026 21:39

Finchell · 05/04/2026 21:36

@TellMeWhatToWear but what about council housing? I thought the whole point of that is you get a bigger council house the bigger your family? So why are some people forced into a studio?

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You know nothing about the social situation of the UK then. Never watch the news? Probably don't vote? Everything that is wrong with the UK frankly.

Genxhausted · 05/04/2026 21:39

Finchell · 05/04/2026 21:17

@Genxhausted genuinely, how? I don’t live in a particularly affluent area. I mix with a range of people from different backgrounds. Not sure what more someone can do to not be in a bubble as you call it

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Volunteer at your local food bank? Make friends with some single mums who didn't go to Uni? Socialise outside of your class or cultural background. It's not difficult!

DeQuin · 05/04/2026 21:38

I consider myself very lucky and privileged. We were lent £7k by DHs mum to buy a car 17 years ago (we paid it back) but otherwise have not had any hand outs or free houses or deposits or anything. Very very rarely holiday outside the uk. Earn well (about the same as you). But I consider us to be very secure financially and know how much better off we are than most people. Can afford food, heating and clothes. Can afford kids’ hobbies and can support with rent at uni. Choose not to afford meals out.

BendingSpoons · 05/04/2026 21:38

Finchell · 05/04/2026 21:36

@TellMeWhatToWear but what about council housing? I thought the whole point of that is you get a bigger council house the bigger your family? So why are some people forced into a studio?

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There's not a magic supply of council houses. The wait for a 2 bed flat is over 10 years in many places unless you are highest priority e.g. disabled etc. The wait for a 3/4 bed house is often 20+ years.

Original poster

Finchell · 05/04/2026 21:38

BendingSpoons · 05/04/2026 21:36

Sometimes a studio yes, sometimes a room in someone else's house e.g. family of 4 (mum, dad, 2 kids) in the grandparents' house but all in one bedroom because the grandparents have the other bedroom. Sometimes a room in a hostel with a shared bathroom. I knew 1 mum who fled domestic violence with her 4 kids from 4-18 and they had 1 room in a hostel.

Then there are the better off ones who have e.g. a 2 bed flat with 3 kids, but are still not able to pay for heating and food.

The stories in the news are sadly the reality for many, many families.

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@BendingSpoons can they not go to the council for proper housing? That must be horrendous especially for children

OP posts:

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