AIBU to think my adult life is average rather than privileged?

And as for presents - DH and I receive gifts/birthday or Christmas money of around £50-100 from our parents. Again, I know no one who receives £2-3000.

oh dear

I’m the first to be irritated by the shout of privileged but you’ve had a lot more than the average person

I do think there ought to be some sort of "basic knowledge about life in the UK" test before anyone is allowed to vote, so that people who are so ignorant of life are not allowed to.
You should have to be able to name 4 or 5 stories that have been reported on in the last month or so, to show you have taken some notice of other people's lives.

Gosh we move in different circles! I don’t know anyone who gets any of these things, they earn their own money.

Yes, you are privileged, both financially and also in seemingly being entirely unaware of the circumstances many, many other people live in (and I mostly don't mean that snarkily!).

Help from family with housing deposits - where I grew up, nobody's parents owned their own houses never mind helping their kids do so. Certainly I doubt their parents are in a position to be giving them thousands a year in gifts. (And 'a small house in trust' made me laugh out loud, sorry...!)

But what I do think is interesting - and maybe worth mulling on for you - is why someone implying you were privileged upset you? For me, I'm jealous - good for you! I wish I'd grown up with the kind of family that could afford to give me a 50k deposit, thousands a year and put properties in family members' names - and I definitely wouldn't upset about if it I had and someone else pointed out that it's privileged to have had that. I wonder if you feel like it's bad to acknowledge that you had more than a lot of people? Or like it somehow lessens what you've achieved? I know it's probably fairly widely accepted that it's easier to end up in a position where you can earn 70k+ a year when you're starting with privilege, but it doesn't mean you haven't worked hard for it - many a richer person than you has done sod all with that privilege worth shouting about.

I would say your salary is pretty average (or low in London). But that’s not down to privilege either way but rather down to what you have done personally.

but being gifted £50k is ridiculously privileged.

and having a trust fund for a house - the same.

£2-3k in gifts a year - of course that isn’t normal.

im truly shocked that you have the nerve to ask these questions. It doesn’t take a genius to understand that there are food banks, huge waiting lists for council properties, increasing numbers of homeless people (homeless doesn’t just mean living in a box but so much more) - and even moving away from that - obviously most people are not gifted hundreds of thousands of pounds.

perhaps do some learning and volunteering because you are shockingly naive, entitled and uneducated.

you asked how people afford houses - to be honest most people i know (including me) grafted and saved to buy a pretty tiny first property and went from there.

own and accept your privilege - don’t be ashamed.

but do better in terms of understanding what else is out there because it’s a lot more than what you see and know. Utterly shocking

Are you serious? They save up!! My DS and his GF saved up over £20k between them and bought a three bed semi in the north west. They lived at home for over a year and had already started saving while at uni as they both worked in the summers.

I am a university lecturer. I do not have a single friend as far as I know who was given anything remotely close to £50k as a house deposit. No one has a DC who has a house in trust for them.

You are hugely privileged.

As someone who starts the thread by saying they 'had a good education' can be so ignorant, and unaware of the world around them beggars belief.

I consider myself to be privileged as we now own our house outright. But I am retired, and both dh and I worked all our lives. I saved for my deposit for my first flat by living at home for 7 years, to save, and worked 2 regular jobs plus some ad hoc babysitting on top.

In terms of salary - you could use an internet search engine and look up the salary for most jobs in the public sector - teachers, nurses, firefighters, social workers, physiotherapists, admin, police officers, paramedics, speech and language therapists, and so forth. All careers I am sure even you are aware of ? Careers that need good A-levels and a degree to apply for.
Or, here's a thing, you could chat to the person that cleans your office, (or your home?) or the concierge or security person on the door, or the person who does your nails, or the person that serves you in the supermarket, or delivers stuff you order on the internet, or the school crossing patrol person, or the person that does your nails. Ask them what they earn, or their partners, or what their weekly budget is for food. Or, if you want to make even more of a fool of yourself, ask them how much deposit they have been given to buy a house.

Or as someone else suggested, you could try volunteering at a lunch club or Warm Welcome place, or a Food Bank, or any of the Debt Charities that operate, or at a Night shelter, or anyone or 1000s of small charities that do great work across the country.

I know very few people who have been given money by parents as a house deposit
My own DC who are 33 and 34 were given £5k each by their DF and £2k each by me - we were given nothing
My parents gave us some money towards a sofa for our first house
I earn £50k plus and am the highest earner of most of my friends - but as a lone householder with a mortgage of £1000 per month it doesn’t go far - I also help out friends and family who are worse off than me

You make twice the average salary (£71k puts you in around the top 10% of the population for salary) so you’re nowhere near average there.

Most people aren’t gifted anywhere near the amount you received for their first house. They have to either work for it and/or if they are very lucky, given a very modest contribution by family members but nowhere near the amount you received. The majority of existing homeowners are homeowners because they bought their house decades ago when houses were much cheaper compared to the average salary, not because they were gifted tens of thousands. Nowadays it’s very hard to save up for a deposit hence why most people will be lifetime renters. If the average person is being gifted that much for a house like you think they are, why do you think anybody currently rents?! Just for Lolz?!

A huge proportion of the population can’t cover a £100 emergency bill. 20% of the population have £0 in savings and most people are living paycheck to paycheck (both working class people and middle class people).

I’m actually astonished that someone making a salary of £71k has no concept or understanding of averages, basic statistics, pays no attention to the news, economics or actually opens their eyes and looks at the people around them. Even a basic conversation about economics with their parents growing up would have given you a clue. How can someone who earns that salary not understand that what is normal in their circle or friendship group isn’t true on a population level? How can you not understand how your experience is relative to your intermediate circle and not relative to the rest of the population?

And that’s just comparing yourself to the rest of the UK. Compared to the rest of the world population, you’d be in the top 0.5% or less when it comes to privilege!

Lead a privileged and sheltered life. I believe can be this dumb!

Your salary sounds average depending on how old you are/what part of the country you live in (eg SE) but the rest sounds pretty privileged to me- HTH. (Not read all
of the thread)

Omfg. Why are you even asking? Haven’t you anything better to do/think about than whether you are average/privileged when you clearly are privileged?? Jesus wept.

Bored are we?

No one can be this dumb.

They don't do it magically. They save up for years.

Definitely not normal and I’m from a middle class background with some fairly wealthy contemporaries and no-one had that! DH’s parents did help him w his first flat deposit in thr mid-90s, but no gifts, thousands per year in birthday presents etc.

By saving?

After the first page it so, I just read your posts @Finchell . But even your salary makes you absolutely not average.

I'm a retired teacher. My DDs are a teacher and a nurse, living in the southeast. I wasn't able to give then a deposit, though I helped with their legal fees etc when they finally got a deposit together for their first homes, after they'd saved incredibly hard.

Even I consider myself privileged, so how you can think you're average, I really don't know.

I had a similar experience growing up. I have been out in the real world too so I have gained perspective. I still spend quite a lot of time with people who are very wealthy & it can make you lose a sense of perspective.

Honestly, this isn't the norm and... read the room. Stupid amounts of people in the UK are struggling so no, the posts are how people feel.

OP you asked about council housing and homelessness. I worked for a local council in the housing team a good few years ago. Homeless people don't automatically get housed by the council, they have to be homeless and vulnerable. By vunerable, it means they would be less able to look after themselves if homeless. Children are automatically vulnerable, which is why families with children will be put in temporary accomodation. But, this duty to house is not a duty to keep the children in the area they are used to. The family could be moved into a BnB miles from their primary school, or even into a different town (many I met were from London but being housed in Medway). This means increased travel expenses and being away from your support network. Also, in a BnB or hotel therr are no cooking facilities, meaning you cannot cook and feed your children proper meals. Then you wait for a housing association property to become available (there are actually very few council owned properties anymore). Again, this property could be miles from where you originally or currently live. And, you have to pay towards your temporary accomodation, most of which will be paid by housing benefit but often requiring a top up. You have to accept the property you are offered, or you will be making yourself intentionally homeless. Flat in the middle of a notorious estate that's rife with drugs? Have to take it, and hope your kids don't fall in with a bad crowd.

The saddest cases I dealt with were single men and women who had lost a job, slept in a car, sofa surfed and had finally come to us for help. We assessed them and found they were not vulnerable, so no temporary accomodation for them. They could join the housing register, but do you know how many one bed or bed sits come up? It's as rare as a blue moon, as most are family homes.

Edit for typos

This is fucking ridiculous. Of course you are privileged. And it’s incredibly sad that you don’t know that. I’d hope, if I were you, that I would at least recognise my privilege.

I’m just interested to know what the comment was that sparked all this “self reflection”

🍿

I'd add that I grew up in a council house (in the days you could get one!) and my parents only bought a house after they'd been married about 15 years, after Mum went back to work after having us three kids.
My siblings and I are all degree educated (some of us to Masters/PhD level), and only my sister, who is a hospital consultant, earns anywhere near your salary. We live in a large city in the UK, and I'm on about £50k, and my brother about £60k. We have used cars (bought outright), and mortgages on our properties. Can afford a couple of holidays each year (maybe 1 UK & 1 in Europe; I maybe have more than that, because I'm not paying for kids.) We're all in our 50s.
I think we're all pretty fortunate to be in these positions, and I'd say anyone who has more, is really verging on affluence.

I realise that there are people who are really struggling financially right now. There's no council housing/reasonably priced rent for families in our city (acknowledged rental crisis), and we see many people having to use the food bank. I know people who have to choose between the heating going on, or making a big meal. This is the reality for so many people right now.

Finchell

@Dentalmum2 😬 lucky dog!

edited this to say I thought you’d said dog bog roll not just bog roll. Not calling you a dog!

😂😂😂