AIBU to think my adult life is average rather than privileged?

WTF??? So you're upset that you only got £50 towards your house while one of your best friends bought their house outright at 30 while another was gifted £200k???

I suggest, as others have recommended, you start reading newspapers and taking a keener interest in the world around you in order to self educate .. Your level of insight and intelligence is frankly ridiculous ...

Strangely, I know quite a lot of people 'in finance' and they all seem a bit more au fait with things like average salaries, or at least, how to look them up.

I think I understand better the point of this thread. Rage baiting coupled with faux surprise when challenged. Several pages already to a thread started at 9pm.

A Google search is all you need to understand your situation. Well researched stats are online for all enquiring minds. Average earnings/percentage households that rent/own with mortgage/own outright/average savings/average amounts received by FTBs from the bank of mum and dad. You can see yourself where you fall and decide if its average/above or below average without asking on here.

Everyone you know has had that help because everyone in your circle is privileged. Your deposit gift to you is more than an average person's annual wage. 3k is more than many people's entire annual disposable income

You are extremely privileged to have received £50k towards a house deposit, plus your DD being given a house as well! The only people I know who had help with houses were some of those I worked with in the City early on in my career.

My friends all worked for what we’ve got, and due to their professions, some now live in £m houses. None of us were given a penny as most of our parents didn’t have two to rub together.

Well, I think I am privileged, so you are extremely privileged.

I earn £55000 a year.
My parents gift me about £500 a year in total.
I am a home owner, but was not given any money towards a deposit. I actually did not require a deposit back in 2005. I still have a mortgage today.
My son doesn’t have a house or trust fund, but as an only child, I hope he’ll inherit my home one day (if it doesn’t go on care).
I have a lovely husband and live in a good area. I have much to be thankful for.

Hi OP.

Yes from what you have said it does sound privileged to me.

thought I would share our experience (with kindness)

not sure where we are on the scale thinking about average as I have no idea but we were gifted £15k towards a house deposit, earn around £60k household income (DH self employed so varies), annual gifts nowhere near that, a few hundred for both of us over birthdays and Christmas maybe? Nothing specific for DD from grandparents that we are aware of (they are all still working full time and building up their own pensions)

Jolly good, Well done

where are all the Mumsnet rich and blagging types tonight

Yes, it’s a bit odd. Start a thread about having another dc and you will be told it’s irresponsible to not save house deposits for your dc…

The OP is clearly in a bit of bubble but maybe it’s an age thing as more than 50% of FTBs have some form of help so it’s not that unusual.

You've got a fair bit of money and your family does too. Above average according to statistics, re savings, wages, assets. I don't think rich people are "privileged" though, they're just rich.

I was privileged financially when I was younger

my parents paid my mortgage (deposit from grandparents passing, 95% mortgage on a cheap house) as they didn’t have one to pay (while I was a student)
I am grateful but I would also have liked to have had a mum who wasn’t abusive so I guess privilege comes in different forms. The house was held over me and used to blackmail me into a termination of pregnancy

now I earn 29k, live alone and it’s tough when things go up. I was given 8k by a relative and just sat and cried as I could finally clear some debt I had been trying to for ages. That money was life changing for me

Privilege is relative I suppose. I was able to borrow £3k for a house deposit (1999 - house was 21k - cheap even for then) from my mum which I gave back to her 3 years later when I sold for 36k and used the equity to buy a bigger house. I don’t know anyone else in my friend group who was gifted or even borrowed from parents. My husband and I earn a decent wage and have a lovely home and 3/4 children are adults. We couldn’t afford to gift them a house deposit (maybe we could afford it for one but not all four) but we help where we can (childcare help to save costs, taking them on holiday every so often etc) I feel we’re privileged and I believe our dc would say that they are too.
Only one of dh’s 7 siblings own their own home and none could afford to gift substantial amounts to their children. They all work. None have had any help from parents nor will they inherit anything life changing.
My friend group all own their own homes and some have been able to help their children but most are in a similar position to us.
With kindness, I feel your post is a little tone deaf but suspect it’s because of the circles you’ve always moved in. In my opinion, you are privileged, this is different to being rich or having no money worries but you and your daughter are in a position many people could only dream of.

I was actually feeling pretty inadequate about my crappy life already tonight, and this thread feels like the last straw! Never been gifted a penny, have no family to fall back on, have a stressful job and huge responsibilities and my house (that I saved and paid for myself) is falling apart. I bet the OP can't even imagine someone like me.

If OP is not a troll, then I hope to God she isn't saying these things to people in real life.

Love this response !

As well as broadening your horizons by volunteering, OP, here's another suggestion: educate your daughter so she understands that she is privileged and never comes across as tone-deaf as you have done on this thread.

My mum and dad left school at 14, as most people of their generation did. My dad owned a successful family business with my uncle and we lived in an comfortable new-build house in one of the affluent suburbs of our city. My mum wanted my brother and me to understand we were privileged so she took us on the bus (we had no car) to see heavy industry at work and tiny, grimy terraced houses on the other side of the city.

My life has been materially privileged because both my parents had died by the time I was 23 and I inherited, and I went to university when relatively few people did, built a career and worked hard. That privilege has passed to my daughter. She and I have had conversations about relative privilege since she was a teenager. I have taught her that having people who love you unconditionally, a roof over your head, food on the table every day and access to education is privilege, because many people in the world do not have those things. We have talked about the privilege of going to private school for sixth form, possible because I earn well, of visiting foreign countries two or three times a year throughout your childhood, and of being able to learn to play musical instruments, go to concerts and eat in restaurants. We have talked about the value of hard work and financial independence for women.

Please consider finding your own way of helping your daughter understand her privilege too, so that she goes out into the world with poise and confidence from knowing who she is and where she fits in.

Typo

In the hope you do genuinely want to educate yourself about the wider world, in parts of North London time the waiting list for a council property is 12,000 people. In practice that translates to a 12 year wait. That's why families are living in one room.
And yes, you are incredibly privileged, as much as I am with the financial help I had from family when I bought my flat.

Feeling a bit bored were you?

You are very privileged. I say that as someone who is also lucky enough to be privileged. Please try to educate yourself on what life looks like for people who aren't privileged. Having compassion and understanding for people who aren't as lucky as you is really important for our society.

You're privileged. You're surrounded with privileged people and therefore think it is average. You don't have to apologise for your privilege, enjoy it! (I am as well as are my friends) But surely it is not hard to imagine that an average household making £55k doesn't have a trust fund for grandchildren and saving £50k for their children's deposit.

I'll bite. I didn't get quite the leg up the OP got but have had a solidly middle class, comfortable background all my life. My family were never in a position of having to worry about money and as an adult,, neither have I. Holidays, meals out, theatre, concerts are normal every day activities.

Income wise I'm in the top 1% in the UK. Aside from the house I live in I own 2 flats, mortgage free worth around £450,000 to £500,000, one of which my son (private school obviously) lives in. Most, possibly all, of the people I know socially are the same, or even better off: ;many of the people I work with and for are same, some are considerably richer.

I'm also possessed of the remarkable facility of being able to read the news, watch television, attend lectures, even listen to politicians and generally be fully aware I and my social circle are immensely privileged.

Don't fucking inflict her on us. What did we ever do to deserve that?

Of course you are privileged. I had an ordinary start too - council house, state school, DV/single parent. I am ND. Never had an inheritance, or a bursary, or a leg up. Worked - along with DH - for everything we have. Our children have AuDHD and one has had significant MH issues so life has been bloody hard in the last 10 years.

However, we are financially successful, our retirement will be pretty luxurious, our kids will never want for anything and will inherit from grandparents, extended family and us. My DH is a good man and adores me/the kids and would never hurt a hair on my or my now adult DCs head. I am also white (unlike most of my adoptive family/half siblings), British, able bodied and gifted with intelligence that offsets my ND.

I am beyond privileged, as are my children and pretty much everyone I know, including the ones who had shitty starts like me or struggle with ND.

OP, you really need to take a moment to understand what ‘privilege’ means - it’s broad, multifaceted and far-reaching. And the biggest indicator of your privilege is the fact that you have no idea that you are. Count yourself very very lucky.

About 39% of adult population in this country have savings of less than £1k and 16% have no savings. How many of these people are handing out deposits never mind houses to their adult DC?

I genuinely think this is one of the most offensive threads I’ve ever seen. Thinking this is normal? Fuck off and get an idea of the real world. Astounded.