To be annoyed DP has been at golf all day and out drinking and still isn't home.

I completely disagree, what exactly is selfish?

One day/night drinking with mates out of a 4 day weekend doesn't scream waster or incapable future husband/father to me. The fact he put family first and didn't just start getting wasted on Thursday proves that. He probably feels like he's made everyone happy and now he's having some me time (we all appreciate me time). Drunk people are also terrible at keeping track of time, ending the fun and facing the fuming other half (they would prefer to do that after a sleep). Have a chat tomorrow but I wouldn't over think it. Men, just like women, often do change once kids arrive as do their priorities.

I'd make your own plans tomorrow,please don't let him ruin your day again.
He does it because you let him. Let him wonder where you are tomorrow.

You know he won’t change if and when you have kids so I would run know before you tie yourself to him for the rest of your life your young enough to have time to find some one much better and more worthy of your time and your life.

This is what pissed me off the most!
3pm your thinking home 6pm latest, can do dinner, chill, wine, whatever but together.
Instead it's 9pm and you have wasted what could have been uninterrupted you time.

Has it been communicated to you 'it's a late one' or just become apparent?

We're all different. I'd be glad of a day to myself.
The question is more if you'd wanted him back at an agreed time, would he be reliable?

And don't expect change. If you don't like it now, you won't like it when you're older or stuck home with children.

I had one of these types of bloke once - never changes and always puts this kind of day before you !
If you want to be second best then stay - if not then you need to leave him . He will only get worse if you have kids .

For me the big issues are that he rang you at 3 to say he wouldn’t be late and that you already know he will be incapable of doing anything tomorrow due to the hangover.

He doesn’t tell you the truth and he doesn’t care about the impact of his actions on you. I would not marry him.

^ This.

If you can't trust his word now, when can you? Don't have kids with him as he'll expect you to do it all. He's not exactly long term relationship material either.

Make your own plans for 2moro and think b4 having kids. Hes alllwed to go out but it probably should have been clear about how long so that you dont spend all day waiting. Manage expectations going forward when he goes golfing

To me if he's out then he's out. Plans can change, I wouldn't put a curfew on my husband's day out with friends. And wouldn't accept him to put one on mine. 9 pm isn't late either.

The drinking issue is different but I wouldn't date someone who drinks that much in the first place.

I married a man like this. We had children, and it would still happen enough that after 15 years, I said it’s over unless he quits drinking. Once he started he often got drunk, and whilst it wasn’t every weekend, it affected us enough (me being the default parent that could never switch off, Sundays ruined with hangovers, marital resentment etc).

I was young and naive and I put up with it for too long.

A man who thinks getting totally wasted, to the extent that he’ll be useless for the rest of the evening AND the next day, is acceptable, is not someone who will pull his weight as a husband and father.

Right now you have options. Don’t wait till you’re stuck at home with little kids.

So he stays out? Does he let you know? Where does he stay? Does he get that drunk that he can’t come home? If so big red flag. He is unreliable at best. You need to have a firm chat about what the future looks like with kids as sounds like he won’t be giving up these outings anytime soon if he is already showing so much inconsideration for you with his timings. I think this would give me the ick. Think hard before you marry him as you both seem to have different expectations

I agree with those who say proceed with caution. Binge drinking and coming home wasted at 30 leads to the same behaviour at 60, it’s so depressing. I can’t believe I didn’t see it all those years ago.

How would he plan to combine golf with ‘a few drinks’ without drink-driving? Golf clubs are heavy to carry and courses are not generally near public transport routes. Unless of course he always gets a lift or a taxi home?

All day drinking benders are ok in teens 20’s but when you hit 30 and engaged you should really shape up a bit. It’s the getting completely wasted and sometimes not coming home that would do it for me.

I wouldn't be bothered about today but I'd be really pissed off if tomorrow is a write off because of his hangover. In all seriousness though OP, if you're imagining kids with this man I'd take a lot of care. At 30 spending a day drinking is a bit ick.

Having been married to an alcoholic I would be very wary if I were you of tying myself to someone who goes on all day drinking benders. And where does he go when he doesn't come home at all?

On top of the drinking he is also a golfer and MN is littered with unhappy tales from golf widows.

Personally I think you need to think very carefully about your relationship, especially if you are thinking of starting a family with this man. Because you will probably literally be left home looking after the baby.

So when DH says he's playing golf...I now know it means an ALL DAY JOB:

Meet up grab a coffee and breakfast
Play 9 holes, get liggt bite
Play another 9
Then clubhouse drinks, chat and relax
Then food...more drinks
Others come into the club house after finishing their round so more drinks..

The thing is, he does have a bit of a track record of these things turning into a full-on session. He’ll either come back completely wasted or sometimes not come back at all.
I think this is actually the issue. You cannot trust him. His word means nothing.

Wouldn’t bother me we’re all adults

Wow! He’s just with friends and having some down time … my DH has been away with sporting hobby friends since Thursday and he’s back tomorrow! Just let him have some fun, it’s not all about you as a couple, people need to be with friends/do their own thing without being badgered - if he’s hungover tomorrow maybe go out for lunch with your friends or go do something you like and get him to make dinner

It's a 4 day weekend, 3 of which you are spending together. Wouldn't bother me.

Well, he might change once you’re married but he might not. Does he know how you feel about this? What does he say?