To be annoyed DP has been at golf all day and out drinking and still isn't home.

Whoops missed this bit IDIOT man

If its not every Sunday then no wouldn't bother me

Your bar is set way too low. Worrying.

Don't get pregnant to this guy in future as you'll never get practical support from him with small children when you need it most.

The heart attack was almost 99.9% related to his drinking and he wasn’t registered with a doctor then.

He was just really stupid was he?

One of my DB’s friend’s was a functioning alcoholic, lovely man but loved drink. He eventually ended up having most of his liver removed and died in his late 40s from liver disease.

You have to be pretty drunk to consider climbing a high structure drunk and not consider the consequences.

My best friend was also a functioning alcoholic, fell through a window when drunk, got in random men’s cars when drunk. We all laughed it off, we were young and clubbers and she was a good laugh, should’ve taken her to AA. She’s now dead but from mental health issues. At 33.

Honestly, I ended a relationship with a man I lived with because he played golf and it took up SO much of his time. We had no children but I knew he wouldn’t change as his friends who had children did the same. Wasn’t a life I wanted

Suppose he’d fallen and hurt himself? What job does he do? What would he tell his work? My DB and other people I’ve known who drink haven’t done anything this dangerous but my dad when married to my mum pissed in a wardrobe, he was an alcoholic, they divorced and he died young of an unexpected heart attack at 50.

Not saying this to scare you but have a good hard think and talk with him. He has a drink problem.

He's going to have an earful from me tomorrow, exhausted by it.

Giving him an 'earful' won't change him.
You could try a calm and constructive sit-down heart-to-heart about your expectations and what is acceptable behaviour. But you should know that he won't change unless he wants to, for himself not for you.

If you are exhausted now, what will it be like in ten years when you have children?

There are at least three issues here - consider each one separately, then decide whether or not to break off the engagement.

One - golf as a social event. How often does he play?
It takes a whole day, and often the evening too. Do you mind having lots of time apart each doing your own thing?
How would you feel having one or more children and DH regularly spending 18 hours away at a weekend leaving all the childcare and housework to you?

Two - drink. How often does he get drunk? How many days of the week does he drink any alcohol at all?
If he gets drunk on average more than once in two months, or regularly drinks a lot on more than about two evenings per week, call it off. Life married to an alcoholic is hell on earth.

Three - being unreliable. He was much later back than you expected, and he has potentially ruined a planned day together with his hangover. This is very selfish behaviour.
How often does his behaviour ruin plans or significantly affect you?
How often does he fail to keep you updated when he is unexpectedly late?

Most importantly, don't expect him to change just because he gets married, and don't expect him to change just because he has children.

10 years from now, he'll probably still be doing this but you'll have the kids all day and he won't be in a fit state to parent them the next day either.

A 30 year old man getting so drunk he pisses in the garden, then tries to climb in the window via a conservatory roof because he can't get his key in the door isn't a problem?

I don't see that it's a problem, unless you had other plans.

And she does it again!

Oh my goodness you have given me a good laugh anyway!

Don’t worry, I asked AI for you

The nasty move here is that Farewelltothatid is using a classic deflection tactic.
Franjipanl8r made a perfectly reasonable point — that a 30-year-old without kids having one big night out over a bank holiday is completely normal. It was a defence of someone being criticised in the original thread.
Rather than engaging with that argument, Farewelltothatid:
1. Reframes the behaviour — twisting “a full day and evening out with friends” into “getting out of your head drunk,” which is an assumption and an escalation
2. Turns it personal — “it says a lot about you” is a classic way to shut someone down without addressing their point at all
3. Implies the defender must be the same “type” — suggesting that Franjipanl8r only defends this behaviour because they do it themselves, which is both an ad hominem and a tu quoque
The implied message is: “You’re only saying that because you’re a drunk too.” It poisons the argument by attacking the person’s character rather than engaging with what they actually said.
It’s designed to make Franjipanl8r feel they have to defend their own lifestyle rather than continue making their original point — which is exactly the shutdown you described earlier. Classic DARVO/projection move.

After your update I would seriously consider getting rid. You don't want that caper now never mind if you have kids. Guaranteed tomorrow is a write off.
Selfish twat.

If you aren't prepared to explain why my post was " nasty" but instead come back with this reply and tell me that I'm " nasty" then I would suggest you are breaking MN talk guidelines because you are making this a personal attack on me.

If you want to explain why you consider my post is nasty then I'm quite prepared to listen. But please don't just resort to personal unpleasant comments about me.

Also adding, the majority of my ex’s friends were coke heads at the weekend. He tried to hide it from me but I knew he was too in the end. A very high proportion of his friends’ babies were born with birth defects. This is NOT the only reason for birth defects. But it’s a very big coincidence and something to think about

Where you out playing golf all day yesterday? 2 paracetamol and a fat coke will sort you out. In the meantime, you’re too hungover to make any sense on the internet

How often does this situation arise? Are we talking every weekend or once a month ?
If I have plans with friends, I don't give my dp a home time and would always frame it as potentially being a big day/ night out. I think it's a mistake to say you'll be home by a certain time because things can change.
It's not something I would do every week though, more like once a month at aged 30, even less now I'm well into my 40's.

I can absolutely promise you it’s no fun being married to a drinker, and especially no fun trying to raise a family with one if that’s your aim in due course.

A one off might be fine, everybody is allowed a silly mistake, but you’ve said this is regular behaviour.

I’m not saying LTB (although quite frankly I would) - I’m just saying you’re going into this with your eyes wide open.

I was with a man like this. I eventually left him(left it way too long to do so). He hasn't changed and is an alcoholic.

Get out now is my advice.

Why are you?

Why are you involved in this conversation? 🤣