To be annoyed DP has been at golf all day and out drinking and still isn't home.

Well the climbing on the roof is ridiculous but why couldn’t he get his keys in the lock? Because he was drunk or because you’d put yours in the other side?

You're on the wrong thread, replying to posts nobody wrote on this one.

Have you actually read all OP’s posts?!

sorry missed 2nd comment

I’d go your separate ways
it’s obvious not ideal but your reaction is extreme your not compatible
as a grown adult with no kids I wouldn’t appreciate a curfew

You're be good with him getting so bladdered he pissed in the garden, couldnt use his keys, climbed on top of the conservatory and wrote Easter Monday off because he was ruinously drunk?

Odd.

I don’t think I’d be bothered by this unless we’d made other plans.

Perfectly fine for him to do an all day golf bender. Not okay to lie about it so you don't know what's going on.

Nope, I wouldn’t. My self esteem is about as high or low as the next person. My comment is about how long those listed things generally take.

@SALaw would you also assume that after he had told you a time? And you would be ok with him coming home in the early hours, climbing on the conservatory roof and pissing in the front garden? How low is your self esteem?

I would not have children with him.

To be honest, if I was told my husband was going to a late breakfast, then golf, then drinks, I would think that’s an all day into evening situation.

See my 2nd comment

Completely understand - I also come from a family of heavy drinkers. Dad and brother were alcoholics - both stopped when they hit rock bottom.

Binge drinking to some people is a lifestyle, a way of life. The message when I grew up was that binge drinking = fun. I grew up living in a pub so was surrounded by drink!

It is difficult to get out of the binge drinking lifestyle if a lot of the people around you do it as well. It is a not the healthiest of environments for a child to grow up in.

Think about whether your boyfriend will want to continue the heavy drinking if you have children. What might be 'fun' now may become increasingly stressful for you to live with. Is this the future you want?

Do you rent or own the house? If you rent it give notice on your half of the tenancy - if you own it tell him you want to sell up and split up and move on

you’ll look back on this in afew years when you have a nice partner and kids - someone who respects you and is a support to you - not some embarrassing idiot. You deserve better than this and you know that.

As an aside you might want to block access to your house via the conservatory roof, if a half cut bloke can get in that way a burglar definitely will be able to…

I once in my early 40s had shots in a bar, was wearing stupidly high heels, had had booze in a restaurant beforehand so was quite drunk and I fell over a small glass table cracking my ribs and getting a bloody hand. Had to lie to my boss and say I’d fallen at a dinner party in a bathroom. After that I calmed down my drinking a lot. But I wasn’t a huge drinker, only when out, never drink at home. The pain in my ribs also helped.

My thoughts exactly
do not marry this man or have kids with him. Escape while you can would be my advice!

For context, my ex partner was like this and is nearly 50 now and on his own and has no kids - he’s going to end up a very lonely old man because he has spent his life being selfish behaving like your partner!

Sorry I’m posting so much here, will stop, but having an alcoholic dad, who got divorced from my mum and then died unexpectedly at 50, it makes you angry and sad. 😢 he ruined 3 marriages and had 6 kids too.

There are aspects of this situation that I don't think are a big deal and aspects that I think are unacceptable.

Given the timing of the golf outing and his past history, there's no way I'd have expected him back early. I'd have made my own plans and done my own thing, including for the evening. If I'd been doing an activity all day (yes I know golf barely qualifies as an activity) then went even for just one drink, I'd probably be too knackered to do anything notable when I got home anyway.

I don't consider Easter Sunday as "together time", what even is that? But I do get the impression from the OP that she assumes things will be a certain way rather than actually communicating what she wants - she was "under the impression" he'd be home early, she "feels like" Easter Sunday is a couples day. You really need to do things like ask specifically what time he'll be home and if you want Easter Sunday to be a couples day, say so.

That's where I think the OP is a bit unreasonable. Her partner's intolerable behaviour starts with the misinformation about being home early - if he's going to have a big night with his friends just say so rather than pretending otherwise. The actual drinks are not objectionable but his inability to hold his alcohol is intolerable. I have been very wasted on many occasions and never once have I been unable to put my key in my door, nor have I ever pissed in my garden. I could probably forgive a suitably mortified partner for whom that was rare behaviour, but I couldn't be in a relationship with someone who did that frequently.

His risky behaviour around alcohol is a red flag. If this is not a one off I would seriously consider your future with him. Save yourself a lot of stress and heartache in the future.

Once you have kids and reach a certain age, you shape up. Or you don’t.

Not worry you pissing in the garden and then climbing a conservatory drunk as his key wouldn’t work?!

Have a word with yourself.

Having a day out with his mates, getting caught up and staying out later than expected is fine as long as he isn't meant to be anywhere else / isn't letting anyone down.

Going on a bender that ruins the next day / endangering himself / pissing in the garden / generally being out of control is a massive red flag to me.

Both DP and I have done the former loads pre DC but once it crept into the latter category with DP then we had words (DP wasn't anywhere near as wild as the OP's partner but we had a few instances of him drinking to a degree he was so ill the next day he couldn't look after the kids / couldn't make a family event). I am totally teetotal now and DP drinks very occasionally and not to excess.

I couldn't live with the fact everytime my partner went out I wouldn't know what state he'd come back in. Life is too short for that kind of shit.

The only way things can possibly get better is if he goes to AA.

My DB used to get horrendously drunk and start fights, in his early 40s when he had his first baby he stopped all that. He’s the loveliest man in the world, even when drunk, but he can get violent to other men if drinking to excess. He does still drink but not to excess and avoids pubs. He also avoids wine and beer, prefers gin. However having a toddler and 7 year old is knackering enough as it is!

So you can change, have to want to though.