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To be annoyed DP has been at golf all day and out drinking and still isn't home.

210 replies

lilybit2025 · 05/04/2026 20:51

Am I overreacting here? Please be honest.

We don’t have children, we live together and we’re engaged. We spent Friday with friends and all day together yesterday, so it’s not like we haven’t had time together this weekend, which is partly why I feel like I might not have a leg to stand on.

Today, I was under the impression he was just going for breakfast with the boys, then golf, then a few drinks after, nothing major. That was absolutely fine with me. He left at 10am, golf finished around 4, and now it’s 9pm and he’s still out.

The thing is, he does have a bit of a track record of these things turning into a full-on session. He’ll either come back completely wasted or sometimes not come back at all. So when he says “a few drinks,” it doesn’t always mean that in reality.

I want to be clear I’m not controlling and I’m completely fine with him having time with his friends. I also don’t mind having time to myself. I think what’s annoyed me is that it wasn’t framed as a big day or night out, and it’s Easter Sunday which feels like a bit of a “together” kind of day, even if we don’t have kids.

I’m also conscious that if he is out properly drinking, tomorrow will likely be a write-off with him hungover, even though we had planned to spend the day together.

So am I being unreasonable for feeling a bit put out about this, or do I need to just get over it

OP posts:
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RampantIvy · 06/04/2026 19:33

LizandDerekGoals · 06/04/2026 19:24

No. She wasnt. But feel free to give specific examples.

I agree. She wasn't. Some posters however...

LizandDerekGoals · 06/04/2026 19:24

BitOutOfPractice · 06/04/2026 19:19

That is 100% not what I said. But the op was pretty obtuse thorouout. So…

No. She wasnt. But feel free to give specific examples.

BitOutOfPractice · 06/04/2026 19:19

LizandDerekGoals · 06/04/2026 12:34

Must.
always.
be.
the.
woman‘s,
fault.

That is 100% not what I said. But the op was pretty obtuse thorouout. So…

BitOutOfPractice · 06/04/2026 19:16

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 06/04/2026 13:47

It’s not just ridiculous it’s downright dangerous. What if he’d fallen and was paralysed or even died? No one would be laughing or making light of this then.

Did I make light of it? Erm no I didn’t.

JustGiveMeReason · 06/04/2026 15:44

Oh, and I wouldn't put too mut weight on the vote, as most people will have read your title, then your opening post and voted at that point.

Not once you added the later details.

If you asked people who had read all your posts if you should stay with this man, I think you'd get a resounding 'no'.

rainbowstardrops · 06/04/2026 14:15

So breakfast with his mates, a round of golf and a few drinks meant he rolled in at practically 1am? Yeah, I’d be thinking long and hard about marrying him, or starting a family with him.

Tonkatruck9 · 06/04/2026 13:56

Sounds like you’re not ok with it in your gut and that is OK OP.

Personally I’d fine it a huge turn off having a partner who often came did not come back when he said he would. Or didn’t come home. This is how he is, don’t expect him to change when married so ask yourself honestly are you ok with that?

Liveshives · 06/04/2026 13:54

OP, this is your life if you marry a pisshead.
It would be utterly shameful to inflict someone like this on children IMO.
If he can't go out and not get into this condition regularly, he has a problem.
Going out for a planned day is not the issue.
But messing you about is not acceptable.
If you had know would you have made other plans?
You are mad if you regularlyspend time hanging around like this for him.
Don't marry him if this is a pattern.
You will bitterly regret it.

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 06/04/2026 13:52

PersephonePomegranate · 06/04/2026 12:39

Do you think he says 'it won't be late' to avoid making you angry or upset about him going out?

I remember planning on having a quiet one and ending up having fun and staying out - my DP did the same when we were young, and 30 is young. It doesn't follow that he'll do this as a parent in his mid or late 30s.

Drinking all day or a few drinks is fine. Drinking so much that you can barely walk, and make unwise decisions is not on. If it was once he’d done this (plus the climbing on conservatory roof) I’d probably say eh let it go, be careful and laugh it off. More than once means he thinks it’s fine and carries on doing this maybe worse than before.

Everybodys · 06/04/2026 13:49

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 06/04/2026 13:47

It’s not just ridiculous it’s downright dangerous. What if he’d fallen and was paralysed or even died? No one would be laughing or making light of this then.

Yeah, that is bad. It goes beyond a day on the piss with mates.

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 06/04/2026 13:48

RampantIvy · 06/04/2026 13:12

Do you honestly think that this man's behaviour is OK? If you do then you have a very low bar.

100% agree. Worrying really.

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 06/04/2026 13:47

BitOutOfPractice · 06/04/2026 12:29

Well the climbing on the roof is ridiculous but why couldn’t he get his keys in the lock? Because he was drunk or because you’d put yours in the other side?

It’s not just ridiculous it’s downright dangerous. What if he’d fallen and was paralysed or even died? No one would be laughing or making light of this then.

Theoryofmind2026 · 06/04/2026 13:33

Bearbookagainandagain · 05/04/2026 21:10

To me if he's out then he's out. Plans can change, I wouldn't put a curfew on my husband's day out with friends. And wouldn't accept him to put one on mine. 9 pm isn't late either.

The drinking issue is different but I wouldn't date someone who drinks that much in the first place.

Edited

The drinking is the entire issue. She wouldn't be sitting there anxiously looking at the clock if she wasn't sure he was getting absolutely bladdered to the point he was literally incapable of even using a key, and ruining the next day too.

I would a thousand pounds she wouldn't have been bothered at all if he wasn't a drunk. He has form for it and at times has not bothered coming home at all.

After this last lot of shite, she needs to bin him off.

Theoryofmind2026 · 06/04/2026 13:14

RampantIvy · 06/04/2026 13:12

Do you honestly think that this man's behaviour is OK? If you do then you have a very low bar.

Not to mention the OP didn't give him a curfew, she just thought he'd be home earlier than he eventually turned up because he had told her that he would not be late, and called her at 3 to reiterate that.

And there was no "extreme" in her saying she was a bit put out by all of this.

I think the person you are replying to is either trolling, or in favour of getting so drunk you cannot think straight, act properly or keep promises.

RampantIvy · 06/04/2026 13:12

rwalker · 06/04/2026 13:06

Yeah

Do you honestly think that this man's behaviour is OK? If you do then you have a very low bar.

Theoryofmind2026 · 06/04/2026 13:12

rwalker · 06/04/2026 13:06

Yeah

And yet still you talked nonsense. Odd.

teaandtoastwouldbenice · 06/04/2026 13:09

This will become more of a problem when you do have children. Are you sure about marrying someone who gets plastered and sometimes doesn’t come home?
He sounds like a man who’ll expect you to ‘nag’ and promptly ignore you. If he wanted to spend the long weekend with you, he would.

rwalker · 06/04/2026 13:06

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 06/04/2026 12:25

Have you actually read all OP’s posts?!

Yeah

Notmycircusnotmyotter · 06/04/2026 13:01

I wouldn't marry this man. Not if you want children.

HelloDandy · 06/04/2026 12:52

I hope you've made plans to do something for yourself today.

He sounds a bit of a dick. And he plays Golf. Ugh!

Theoryofmind2026 · 06/04/2026 12:51

PersephonePomegranate · 06/04/2026 12:39

Do you think he says 'it won't be late' to avoid making you angry or upset about him going out?

I remember planning on having a quiet one and ending up having fun and staying out - my DP did the same when we were young, and 30 is young. It doesn't follow that he'll do this as a parent in his mid or late 30s.

Did you both get so disgustingly drunk you could not use your house keys pissed on the front lawn and climbed the conservatory too? Did you both have form for writing off entire days because you were so ruinously drunk?

If OP is anxious about his time keeping, it likely stems from the fact that he has form for getting disgustingly drunk and writing off two days.

At any age, that's concerning.

RampantIvy · 06/04/2026 12:44

PersephonePomegranate · 06/04/2026 12:39

Do you think he says 'it won't be late' to avoid making you angry or upset about him going out?

I remember planning on having a quiet one and ending up having fun and staying out - my DP did the same when we were young, and 30 is young. It doesn't follow that he'll do this as a parent in his mid or late 30s.

Please read all of the OP's posts. Playing golf all day and having a drink or two is fine.

Staying out all night, coming back very late absolutely bladdered, pissing on the lawn and being so drunk he can't even get the key into the lock so he climbs onto the conservatory roof is all OK with you then?

He does the first two regularly. BTW. It's in the first post.

PersephonePomegranate · 06/04/2026 12:39

Do you think he says 'it won't be late' to avoid making you angry or upset about him going out?

I remember planning on having a quiet one and ending up having fun and staying out - my DP did the same when we were young, and 30 is young. It doesn't follow that he'll do this as a parent in his mid or late 30s.

LizandDerekGoals · 06/04/2026 12:34

BitOutOfPractice · 06/04/2026 12:29

Well the climbing on the roof is ridiculous but why couldn’t he get his keys in the lock? Because he was drunk or because you’d put yours in the other side?

Must.
always.
be.
the.
woman‘s,
fault.

Theoryofmind2026 · 06/04/2026 12:34

BitOutOfPractice · 06/04/2026 12:29

Well the climbing on the roof is ridiculous but why couldn’t he get his keys in the lock? Because he was drunk or because you’d put yours in the other side?

He was so bladdered he pissed on the lawn and has form for writing off the entire next day because he drank so much, so I am guessing the former.

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