Are most kids like this?

What do you say to her initially, when you tell her to play on her own, and what do you say when she comes back asking again? It would be helpful to know so posters can give the best advice.

I'm asking because I wonder if it's a mix of things - a) you're not being firm enough and not clear enough about what you want b) she has to learn to spend some time on her own at home and learn to respect that others need quiet/alone time sometimes and c) she's a high energy child that needs more exercise.

I agree with @arethereanyleftatall that she needs at least an hour of exercise a day, quite strenuous exercise. I think a group sport, involving a lot of energy and running around would be good for her, e.g football or similar. A group sport will also help her to learn to work with her teammates, this is important since she doesn't have siblings.
Then teach her to play quietly on her own, read, craft, watch a film etc for a few hours at home. Plus teach her that nagging won't work! If you give some more information then maybe posters can help you come up with strategies that will work for your situation.

Try giving her a routine on days at home. Come up with a list of things with her. Include something active and a chore in the list and then things she enjoys.

Do you think children don’t do this now?

I mean yes, they won’t be listening to their parents’ LPs, but children do play. Mine have been playing happily enough for the best part of two hours now. But children are different and some are just better at self sufficiency and independent play than others are.

Screens do play a part but some children are just like this. One of my friends has a DD a similar age to my DS. I had her one day last September as her school didn’t start until the day after DS and I was exhausted. She just needed my constant input and encouragement; I left her downstairs for a few moments while I put my younger DD down for a nap and she couldn’t cope, she needed me all the time.

Hate harping about the olden days, but I remember only too well those rainy Saturdays at that age stuck in, with no tv for kids in the daytime. I would read, play my DP’s LPs and have a sing along, cut up the newspaper to make doilies and paper doll chains, make concoctions out in the kitchen pretending I was a cook, anything just to find something to do and always ended up finding some fun and filling the time. Gosh how times have changed 😄

You wouldn’t be overloading her, sounds like she needs it.

She sounds busy op, but that schedule isn’t very much actual exercise. Dance is the only thing there, and that’s what - 30 mins a week? As a sporty parent, by 8 years old, non negotiable for me was an hour of exercise per day, they could choose the sport. Many 8 year olds are doing things like 5km park runs; at swim club swimming 2km; etc. I think if you’re not sporty yourself, you can be unaware of how much others are doing. I think getting her in to a sport - and by 8 you can drop and go 🥳 - might be your answer.

It’s not something I’ve experienced directly but I have a relative whose child has always been like this. I think you need to start off small and build up her tolerance. Be firm but give her clear boundaries and time limits to work with. She’s old enough to tell the time so start with things that have fixed deadlines like I’ll play with you in 30mins or I’m making lunch I’ll be ready to play at 2pm. She’s not going to develop it over night so your not going to get a whole afternoon off any time soon but it can be done.

I think this is probably true. OP says her daughter is busy but that’s family outings and a weekend play date. OP’s daughter sounds like a high energy extrovert, so this is not enough!

Frankly OP, you sound like an introvert who has found themselves parenting a high energy extrovert. A high energy extrovert who’s an only child to boot.

OP, you don’t mention any sports or clubs she does (out of school time). Your daughter sounds like someone who could really benefit from those.

If she’s an only child is especially important to get her spending lots of time with other children. It sounds like she really wants this. I would prioritise building a couple of regular sports clubs into her routine.

No not particularly, admittedly there are 2 of them.so they play together a lot but even when only one is home they can entertain themselves...they do like screens but also playing with a selection of dinosaurs/godzillas (DS2) or toy soldiers (DS1). DS1 can also take himself off to the playground to kick a ball about for an hour.

Yes, it's entirely normal. Just maybe not what you were expecting. You don't get to choose your kids personality and there is no guarantee theirs will fit yours.

As said above, could be adhd. Could be a lust for life that many kids share as they have the energy to do so. I know many adults who are quite sedentary with their kids even in their thirties, and others who are busy with their kids all the time. It takes all sorts and you have someone who wants something different from you.

In only a few years she'll probably want nothing to do with you in her free time, so why not enjoy it now? You have a lot fewer years as a parent of a child than you do when they are grown ups so try to enjoy it

You need some strategies to help. What about setting a timer for keeping herself entertained? And she isn’t allowed to disturb you in that time … barring emergencies, of course!
You need to make her the centre of your world just a little less. You’ll be doing her a favour in the long run.

If she's bored give her housework to do she will very quickly find something to entertain herself

Threads like this can be a bit frustrating as they either fixate on simple solutions (‘I would not allow this! Tell her not to!’) or turn into a bit of a pile on about modern parenting. And I don’t think either are particularly helpful.

I do think some people cope badly out of routine and she probably can’t express that. Just like someone losing their temper isn’t saying ‘I’m angry’ as much as overwhelmed / frustrated / distressed ‘boredom’ is often an expression of aimlessness, loneliness, feeling lost, frustration and anxiety. But an eight year old won’t be able to express that and that’s why no suggestion is good enough, it’s not really boredom at all.

I think also some kids are just better out of the house: my ds is, although he’s become very good at imaginative play it tends to involve an enormous mess which I find hard to manage!

My ADHD eldest is this way. His younger son is always just content to play independently and o his own thing. Or saying she has ADHD but may be worth researching it and seeing if she has any further traits. The big thing for us him is his emotional dis-regulation and he can sulk for hours unfortunately.

Reminds me of my friend's daughter who's an extravert and an only child. She's also very sporty and constantly bouncing off the walls. They signed her up for lots of sports- running, biking, swimming. It helped a lot. Maybe your child needs way more exercise than riding her bike up and down the road a couple of times a day? My 8 year old regularly cycles 20km and then spends the rest of the day quietly playing. Try and take her on a long bike ride with you and see if that helps, and get her into some sports clubs..if it helps, there's your answer.

Sounds like you need to opt out, firmly.

My mother would state - "Go outside and play trains." - if we were whinging about the house.
We would be sent out into the back yard until lunch time.

Or firmly state. "Find something to do or you can start on that list of chores.'
Enact the threat. Ask them to sweep, dust, wash the bathroom basin, vacuum, fold clean washing or iron tea towels. etc.

Reasonable suggestions for parent free activities .. reading quietly in their room, taking dog for walk or cleaning out dogs kennel, cleaning out their school bag, tidying their room, playing with some toys, writing a letter to Granny, weeding their own vegie or flower plot, writing a book, arts and crafts, knitting, sewing on sewing machine..

It is fine to make kids entertain themselves. Boredom stimulates imagination. It is fair to demand alone time for yourself every weekend.

Have craft supplies available. Have some toys packed away so that toys are rotated every month. Have netball ring installed in yard, totem tennis, bits and pieces to construct cubbies.
Allow next door neighbour's kids to join in back yard play.

Yes, that makes a lot of sense. I feel sorry for them. They rely on parents for social and the parents need their own time, too. It's hard on everyone.

Far more children now are only children than used to be.
Go back 30 years and it was much more common to have 3 children than one so most kids had siblings to play with

As soon as you said she was very whiney and constantly bored I knew it was screen addiction. At 8 she's far too young to have regular access to a computer. You need to cut right back. Kids are like this and say they are bored when they mean they want to play roblox etc.

My 12yo is chronic but we do have limits on screen time and as a result plays the piano a lot. 15yo has less limits so is always on his phone.... as am I!

I was about to ask this. My kids always play together but if only one is home as the other is busy out, the one at home is bored stiff. I can't imagine what they would be like as only children

If it is an attention thing then high challenge physical exercise can help - especially at the start of the day. Have you tried her at junior parkrun? Or on bike jumps?

It sounds like it is a kind of compulsive energy (the repeated question) and when I notice my daughter is getting like this I send her outside to smash a football into a goal. It can’t just be “be outside” for some kids that big energy has to go somewhere.

I totally get why it’s annoying, but it’s also one of her biggest strengths. She is physically very strong and is great at sport BUT it’s tricky as has very little patience for skill acquisition, dislikes training and just wants to compete and win. It comes with its own challenges, but day-to-day it helps her manage her behaviour.

Kids are overstimulated and need constant dopamine hits in this generation due to phones, learning on computers, parents on phones, friends on phones etc.

It's really uncommon to see many kids quietly occupying themselves with things we grew up with because they simply don't know how.

I don't believe every child has ADHD on this planet, currently, so I think the advice to be firmer with her when she wants entertainment is great advice.

She didn't learn to be this way overnight so it will take patience and compassion to see the other side for her, you as individuals and a couple.

Maybe reward her with a 10 min nature walk when she reads for 2 hours, colours or picks her own activity and tells you about it when time is up. Maybe start with smaller increments of time if 2 hours seems like too much right now.