Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Child wants to move overseas

135 replies

Gremlinsmoothie · 05/04/2026 17:55

My 18 year old daughter was supposed to be going to university in the uk in September, just an hour or so from where we live.
she has now dropped the bomb in us telling us she wants to study in south east Asia instead. This is because he current boyfriend, who she has known for 6 months is returning there to his home country. She wants to go with him.
I think this is a crazy idea but don’t know if I’m being biased & selfish because I don’t want my child living on the other side of the world.

Does anyone have any experience of this & have any advice? My fear is that she will go, love the lifestyle & not return, & she will no longer be much of a part of my life. I’m also worried about health care & emergencies, maybe I’m overthinking.

OP posts:
FlapperFlamingo · 05/04/2026 18:11

I agree with @CallingOnTheMegaphone. She should look into visas, money, language barrier, etc

Importantly - is the course that'll she take accredited in her field? For example if she does biomedical science would she come out with a qualification she can use - or would it need to be topped up? My hunch is it won't get off the ground.

mumonthehill · 05/04/2026 18:11

Realistically you will not be able to stop her but i would play along and ask questions, how will you afford live, how many hours will you need to work to cover tuition and living, ask her about what visa she will need, travel insurance. Sew the seeds of what she needs without telling her and seeming obstructive. It is probably unlikely she will actually be able to do it as she thinks but she is 18 and ds went to New Zealand at 18, but he has come home but he could have gone for 3 years. You have to let her go ultimately.

CallingOnTheMegaphone · 05/04/2026 18:07

Tell her to crack on and keep you up to date with her research into the practicalities of such an adventure. Act totally breezy. I'll bet she won't end up going.

Onadark · 05/04/2026 18:03

It sounds like wishful thinking really. Do you think she's capable of applying for a place at a university in south east asia and living independantly? Let her apply - she probaby won't see it through when she sees how much work is involved.

onyourway · 05/04/2026 18:02

I think basing your next three years of education on a relationship of six months is daft, whether you are moving two or twenty hours away. How about deferring for a year so she can travel there and work temporarily to see how it works out?

Givethemacall · 05/04/2026 18:01

If they can afford it - so be it.

but if they are expecting you to fund it - then I think a big conversation is in order!

Littletreefrog · 05/04/2026 18:01

Will she actually be able to study there? If it is completely doable and she knows the practicalities, will be able to support herself independently of him etc then it sounds like a wonderful adventure. She can always come back and study here later if it doesn't work out.

Ninerainbows · 05/04/2026 18:00

Study what? Where? How much?
Has she actually looked into it?

user593 · 05/04/2026 17:59

It sounds like a great adventure, but understandably you will miss her. What country is it?

LastHotel · 05/04/2026 17:58

Well, the big ones are cost, language barriers, elibility and visas. Have any of these been considered?

Swipe left for the next trending thread