Child wants to move overseas

Keep an eye on the home student factor of if she goes away in the 3 years before a course starting. I think either Southampton or Newcastle or another big one has a campus i Malaysia- would that be a good compromise?

“she is considering working there for a year before starting a course”

OP, there is the minor detail that she needs a work permit, which needs to be applied for by the company she’s working for. She can’t just rock up and get a job! As for university, international students are expected to be self-funded. She really hasn’t thought this through!

I’m assuming she has done all the research - being an adult (?) that she can go to said country to study . Lots of things I’m sure she has considered - funding, language, visas, cost of living, availability of accommodation, like for like comparisons of subjects and degrees she’s wants to study with the UK and other countries , transferability of qualifications across international boundaries, what are her proposals for a social network in a country where she has no friends / family - the list goes on. Once she is able to answer all of these questions then I’m sure the pipe dream can translate into reality and a once in a life time fantastic experience.

Off course op can have a very big opinion - she is funding this. And in no way is this young teen an adult. She’s only 18. And she’s running after a man. Clearly not mature or old enough to be an adult and making big decisions. I would be asking her what’s her big plan for her education and future. What’s her detailed plan, not the one that revolves around her boyfriend

So has she investigated visa options for the year working? And job opportunities for an unqualified 18 year old who presumably doesn’t speak the local languages.
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There is a possible compromise... many UK universities have overseas campuses, as an example, De Montford has branches in Cambodia, Kazakhstan and yes, possibly Malaysia. She could then either study in the UK with a year in Malaysia or vice versa... You would feel happier knowing she's getting a 'UK quality' education abd that it would be easier for her to transfer if things didn't work out. She gets the adventure of bring an overseas student.

I think there are two issues here.

The first is the idea of studying for her degree overseas rather than in the UK. Tuition fees means that the cost differential is no longer the factor it was, although she will probably need to be able to pay fees up front as she won't be eligible for a loan. Is that even feasible? And as PPs have said, there may be language criteria she will need to fulfil, and she will need to verify any professional qualifications. Starting a course this autumn seems highly unlikely.

The other (much more worrying) issue IMO is that she is changing her plans to fit in with a man. Massive, massive red flag, and I would be equally worried if one of my DC aged 18 suddenly switched to a different UK university in order to be with a boyfriend/girlfriend.

Well tuition fees are much more expensive for international students in the UK than British citizens. If the same is true in Malaysia you have every right to say, sorry, that's not in our budget.
Also think it's reasonable to say you're not willing to take the financial risk, considering the relationship may not last forever. So many student couples split up in the first year.

You don't fund it. Of course you are worried YANBU.

I went to university abroad.

It was a great experience. It was indeed harder being in a totally new country but it was wonderful and have no regrets.

HOWEVER: 1) it was a very considered decision and based on some exceptional academic opportunities that I wanted to have access to and 2) I was doing it for MY benefit, not for a fucking boyfriend.

You need to nip this in the bud. I woiuld sit her down and ask her very detailed questions about how it will work, where she will live etc to make her realize what an idiot she is being.

If she doesn't, you wish her well on her adventures, tell her you love her but are sending her £0 to fund this plan but will fund her when she comes back to the UK.

No of course not. However she needs to take the lead and do the research first - visa, uni course, funding options, accommodation, flights and time difference - then you can talk through practicalities and costs. If she can’t/won’t she is not mature enough to go! Could she work here first to fund it?

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable in worrying and being upset about it. You’re her mum, that’s normal and natural 🫶 personally as a mum of adult kids, I think you’ve got to let her go and find out. Sure you’ll miss her and worry about her, but equally she’s an adult who has to be allowed to find out what awaits her. She’ll only you resent you if you don’t. Of course we all know the boy might not last, of course we know she’s probably feeling first love and the boy is clouding everything but equally you don’t want an adult women resenting not going and blaming everything that goes wrong in her life on the fact she didn’t go. I feel for you, no one wants their child so far away from home 🫶

Has your dd actually researched if it's feasible to study there? Things may have changed now but at one stage places were prioritised for ethnic Malays - I know several Malaysians of Chinese heritage who left to study in Europe due to the difficulty in getting a place in their home country.

Malaysia is brilliant. I’d give her my blessing, if that’s what she wanted. Travel widens the mind. She’ll have an incredible experience even if things don’t work out with her partner. She’s an ideal age to go.

A friend of mine went at 17 with his then girlfriend. They’re married now. They live here but spend two months a year there with her family. I’m sure there’s lots of cases that have worked out less well but she’d get a lot out of it regardless.

This may be the first “big mistake” she makes in her life, and you just have to make sure you’re there to hold her hand when it doesn’t work out. You can’t tell her not to go.

It sounds as though she hasn't really researched it. There are usually fairly stringent language requirements. I'm not sure how the fees work.

There are some world class universities there, and she could get an excellent qualification. The lifestyle can be also be better than here, but it really depends on where exactly she wants to go.

It does sound like a spur-of-the-moment thing, based on a relationship that may be compelling at the moment, but could easily burn out. It doesn't sound as though she is taking a very mature approach to this. Tbh, I suspect she will find it much harder to get work, or to get a uni place than she realises.

As a year out idea it's not the worst. She can reassess where she actually wants to go to Uni once she has been there a little while. Sounds like you have the money to get her back quickly if it all goes south.

She's not a child, shes an adult and can, therefore, make her own decisions.
It could be a huge disaster or it could be wildly successful but it's her call not yours.

yep be relaxed about it and say brilliant and see how far she actually gets with planning it.

what country is it

Yup this is how I’d act. ‘Oh wow that’s awesome.’ Let her do the research and work out the logistics - I very much doubt she’ll be able to.