Child wants to move overseas

I used to live in Malaysia. If the boyfriend has been studying in the UK, he probably has family money. Will they be living together in Malaysia? It is a mainly muslim country and how he treats your daughter could be remarkably different once back in his home country. We even had the religious police checking up on our female domestic staff once.

You are right to be worried for all sorts of reasons, perhaps not education related, but relationship related that could then have knock on effects in other areas. Eighteen is very young to be doing this to follow a man.

University of Nottingham has a campus in Malaysia so you can study in both uk and Malaysia and switch And you get a uk qualification at the end.

And how is she going to afford the £20,000+ fees plus living expenses a year for this?

I totally get why you’re worried.

Upset though? Upset that you’ll miss her, yes fine. But she is legally an adult, able to make her own decisions, whether those are good or bad ones!

I went, not abroad, but to the other end of the country to university following a man. Terrible reason, he was a dick and we broke up fairly quickly, but excellent decision, never would have ended up in that location otherwise and it was the making of me.

Be clear to her how much you’re willing to fund and for how long (which I would suggest is the same as you would fund if she stayed in the UK. Presumably if she took a year out to work here you wouldn’t fund anything). Let her do the research and make the decision. Don’t be overly critical, she needs to be able to come to you and say she’s made a mistake. And perhaps if she does go, set aside the money for an emergency return flight home.

That's clearly untrue about the essential travel only. That covers a very small part of the country. It's only a small part of Borneo affected

Good for her, I’d encourage her to get away from the UK.

Maybe she would be better taking a gap year and travelling there. Defer uni for a year. But she would need to work before she goes to save money for it

A quick google shows there are variety of schemes for a year out in Malaysia. TEFL, for example.

then she has a year to figure out uni.

uk uni will still be here if she needs.

Honestly?

I’d encourage it. Massive opportunity. What’s the worst that could happen- she packs up and comes home. Now is the time in her life to do it.

i think her plan of working for a year first is a good one. Then she’s not committed to the full course length, you don’t have to fund it, and she can save some money while she figures things out.

i’d support it in the same way I’d support a year out. Help with visa’s, work permits, practicalities. Maybe enough money to help her through the first months.

To parts of Malaysia, that should say.

The government is advising against all but essential travel to Malaysia so she really hasn’t thought this through has she?

She needs to do thorough research on whether it is even possible for her to move there re visas, education, accommodation, savings, employment etc. Where does she envision that she will live? Malaysia is a country of several official religions but is Muslim majority so living with her boyfriend may not be acceptable.

I visited Malaysia and Singapore on holiday years ago and thoroughly enjoyed both but she really needs to visit a country before deciding to emigrate.

Does the boyfriend know you'll be helping with the bills? Could he be banking on this money?

Tbh I would hold off on that offer for a while. Let her work out the costs without you.

You can always help out if it comes to it.

I’d not be funding that, at all.

I have been on holiday to various parts of Malaysia., Borneo & Singapore

I agree some parts are extremely expensive

It is extremely hot & humid 24x7x365

Your DD should definitely visit first before making any decisions & investigate cost, health, cultural differences, finances, religion, work or study visas, language

Not so many freedoms for females, as in UK

www.gov.uk/foreign-travel-advice/malaysia/entry-requirements

I'd add - I know people who are malaysian and have moved back after british schooling and found the culture shock, particular in how women's roles are perceived, very very hard. Their malaysian partner went from being more "western" in their attitudes to not being very quickly.

https://www.prospects.ac.uk/postgraduate-study/study-abroad/study-in-malaysia/

FWIW, my youngest announced at Christmas she was moving to Germany and flew out a week later. She hopes to start a Uni course in October. She is loving life at present and has massively grown in confidence since being there. She is 19. But not quite so far from home.

Whilst I partly agree with the sentiment in this comment it actually made me really laugh. My quote of the day is" ....in no way is this young teen an adult,she is only 18"

Yabu to worry that she'll love it so much she doesn't come back. That would be sad for you, but it's her life. But a much more reasonable worry imo is that it will all go to shit with the boyfriend and she'll be stranded or vulnerable a long way from home. Can't she defer for a year and stress-test this relationship before deciding?

Why is he returning home, OP?

How did she meet him?

I think 2 things are going on.. The desire to be in Malaysia to be with bf... And, the desire to study and do a degree.

I feel doing both at once is unlikely and prone to failure given her age, work experience, financial circumstances and worldliness.

Rather than enrol on a course and have large overseas tuition fees upfront - Singapore to the south is one of the costliest places to live and study in the world - I'd be giving her 2 grand for a gap year in Malaysia and the wake-up call that £2k, after flights etc, will barely stretch 2 months, even on beans and rice, where beans and rice costs 10p. That's 'if' she gets a work visa, which I doubt she will - she's not a teacher, nurse, anything they need 'yet'.

It will be a time of real growing up, whatever happens. A time to be entrepreneurial, and really open her eyes... And test that relationship!

As someone who went to Australia in similar circumstances, once the money ran out, and real life kicked in, I soon realised that it wasn't the place my partner had built it up in my head. Nor was he.... It was 2 months of heaven (spending my parents money), 2 months of ok and awkwardness (relying on his friends and family and spending my savings) 2 months of real struggle and 2 weeks of realising I'd hit the end of the road when I was down to camping in tents and my tent was broken. Then 2 days of travel home...

The idea of enrolling in a degree at say Brisbane Uni would have been crackers. I could have 'if' my parents had opened their wallets (they didn't at that level), but even if they did, there's no way I would have completed a degree unless I was swimming in their cash and a few years older.

Just set money aside for her flight home. Friends daughter went to New Zealand following a boyfriend. At the end of his degree once he'd qualified the relationship collapsed. She couldn't stay so mum and dad paid for her to come back

She's very young to be throwing up all her life plans for a guy from thousands of miles away who she's only known for six months. It all sounds very impulsive. Is she usually like this?

The positive in this is that she’s young enough for failure (personal, professional, academic) to not have a meaningful impact on her life goals. In a way, if she fails it would have been an amazing learning opportunity, and if she succeeds: well that’s would be even more amazing. What you wouldn’t want is for her to fall into low-paid work, taking her eye off the studying-ball, just drift into a situation she surfaces from aged 26 or whatever and return to a U.K. 8 years down the line with even worse job prospects for her. I’d think long and hard about how I’d structure any financial support I’d give her (while losing sleep that life would be way worse if I extended no support at all). Gah. Young people. She has the whole world at her feet - only you will know if she’s got what it takes.

Several more than I thought! Key institutions include the University of Nottingham Malaysia, Heriot-Watt University Malaysia, University of Southampton Malaysia, University of Reading Malaysia, and Newcastle University Medicine Malaysia (NUMed)