Child wants to move overseas

So true. I watch Ben fogle new lives in the wild and people often seem really happy living v different lives to those in the UK.

Foreign men are sexier too, all tanned, cultured, so much better than a boy from Bradford (my home town).

If you can work out a plan with her, it'll be an amazing opportunity for her, boyfriend or not... Things change 😁

I’ve got kids same age as yours now but I was desperate to get out of my home town at that age and I did. Honestly, it was the best thing I ever did.

Yes, my Mum hated it, but I still have a great relationship with my family via FaceTime and texting and I visit once or twice a year. I’ve lived in multiple countries and cultures and have had career and advancement opportunities that I’d never have had in the UK. Living abroad is a fantastic opportunity for many people, don’t discourage her too much.

There's often work for the backpacker types in the Malaysian palm plantations. Palm oil is booming, so she might get work there if she can get a work visa.

In my early 20s I worked in rubber plantations in South East Asia. We got 3 dollars an hour but it was fun and there were lots of good looking men so we all did it. The 3 dollars were fine as local wages, plus it was cash in hand.

Don't forget flights, insurance, especially medical insurance (the roads are deadly), currency exchange rates, hope you have a lot of money in the bank...

Good idea about contraception. A few chats about drugs too might be a good idea - the local police are pretty corrupt and the punishment for anything to do with drugs is awful. Years in prison with local courts v biased.

I think it's great that you are thinking of bankrolling her though... The tropical rainforests are stunning out there, the animal life and beaches are paradise, it's full of tourist resorts, she will have an amazing amount of fun once everything is in place and paid up.

If you watch the Leonardo di caprio film "the beach" Malaysia is v similar to there (Thailand in the late 1990s). Less developed, picture postcard, hedonistic resorts. V cool for a teenager.

Definitely don't subsidise her. If she can pay for herself then that's up to her but don't make it easier for her.

Once she looks at the costs and realises she has to self fund I guarantee it will become a much less attractive idea to her.

Just let her know that it's her decision but you won't be helping with cost so she should plan accordingly. Then sit back and say nothing.

In your shoes, I think I'd be suggesting a gap year with a visit to Malaysia on a tourist visa. She could also consider year abroad courses. Maybe aim for the visit to be later on in the year and she could work beforehand to contribute to it. Should she have broken up with her boyfriend by then she can easily put the money towards some other fun experience or just have extra fun money for university.

I’m sorry, I hadn’t factored in the student loans, that makes a big difference.

Maybe she could start working, flog her wardrobe on Vinted, and self fund a trip out in the summer. I guess that would show everyone how keen she is for this opportunity and give her an insight into where she is considering spending the next few years. Malaysia can be a big culture shock, and often the only way to truly make up your mind as a young adult is to jump in at the deep end.

Surely you just say " sorry we don't have the financial means to pay for you to do that?"
Just because she says she wants it. Doesn't mean she gets it.
Channel zammo and just say no!

Providing the money up front is a huge ask! Can you afford to do that?

Another angle could be to look at courses here that offer a year abroad. If she could do a year in Malaysia (obviously she might have changed her mind about it all by then) would that sway her towards university in the UK?

What does she want to study? A quick google suggests that most undergraduate courses in Malaysia are taught in Malay. So she would have to learn that as well!

I don't see the advantages either tbh. But researching the potential difficulties and talking about them in a non-judgemental way, just offering information, may help her see that it isn't as simple as she thinks.

Firstly it’s probably worth mentioning that a bachelor’s degree, even as a foreign student, will be considerably cheaper in Malaysia than in the UK. Depending on the university and course, fees start from as little as +/- $3000 USD pa. Her hare-brained scheme may end up saving you £££s

Without a student visa she would have to enter the country on a 90 day tourist visa, nobody without a Degree will get a working visa, even to teach TEFL, so she can forget being able to work legally.

There are also a lot of assumptions being made here by people equating British law to Malaysian Law. A baby born out of wedlock in Malaysia to a non Malay - OP states the BF is Chinese Malaysian - is not entitled to Malaysian Citizenship so if that scenario were to play out she would not be stuck overseas.

I didn’t love the 3 years I spent working in KL but it led me on to better opportunities and I enjoyed a better lifestyle there than I could have afforded in the UK.

As a previous poster said, if the bf has been studying in the UK he certainly comes from a wealthy family who may be less than willing to accommodate their son’s holiday romance. If she were my daughter I would encourage her to apply to a uni there but travel as a tourist before making the financial and time commitment to a plan of study.

Maybe you should ask her why he chose to do his degree in the UK? I presume because it's advantageous to him compared to doing it at home. Wouldn't your daughter like to have the same advantages?

What was your daughter's boyfriend doing in the UK? Was he doing a degree?

What was she planning to do post A Level before she met this man, OP?

I thought that would be the case.

I suspect that not knowing Malay, the national language, will be a major problem as far as jobs and courses are concerned.

Perhaps suggest she speaks to a Malaysian immigration lawyer, could even fund it if you're feeling generous. They should be in a position to provide a few home truths wrt practicalities.

@Gremlinsmoothie

Why is she keen to learn Mandarin, OP?

It is one of the languages spoken in Malaysia, as there is a large Chinese demographic, but it's not the most widely spoken language - that's Malay, spoken by 80 per cent of the population.