Ex ringing 5 times a day

I wish you'd stop putting kisses at the end of all your posts.

Relationships with problems rarely get better unless the problem goes away. If you aren't happy now and the issue is being blamed on you, then it will fester as resentment from you and resentment from him as he doesnt see the issue. If you are ok with that being your future then stay. If not, then you need to act sooner rather than later.

Well he should never put anyone before his relationship with his dc.

But his co-parenting rationale is weird.

put yourself first.

don’t let two people dictate how you live.

I would walk away, its never going to change. It will only change when his ex deems it to change. Your relationship is at the behest of someone else. You either accept that and let it go on, or you walk away.

A relationship is meant to enrich your life; not cause you sadness, pain and stress. The other person in that relationship is meant to cherish you and not cause you pain by their actions or lack of action - he can't because it may impact his relationship with his children; so instead of owning that inability he blames you, because thats easier - you're being too sensitive, this is normal, you're being unreasonable, you're being a brat.

You're not being a brat - if I was bothered by something my husband was doing or involved in, and I took it to my husband, his first goto wouldnt be what is wrong with you again this time? are you still going on about this, ive told you before this is normal... my husband would be "why does it bother you? what can I do?, how can we sort this?"

You can end a relationship for any reason, and being unhappy with how he acts, or how he reacts to your unhappiness is a good reason. You cant control the actions of others (so you cant say - change how talk to her, don't take as many calls from her or do xyz) but you can control your reaction.

If he can't see that someone he broke up with 3 years ago, who rings him 5 times a day and has openly claimed that she still loves him is a problem, well I am afraid he isn't a keeper

He probably loves the attention.
Sounds like he has no emotional intelligence. Of course this would piss off most people

He’s the problem! He likes her attention. He clearly prioritises her over you so move on,

You are definitely not the problem here.

How does this relationship benefit your child?

Because you are an option, not a priority. He either steps up and stops taking her calls etc or you walk. If he doesn't tackle this now, it will just get worse as the kids get older. Trust me.....

You’re not the problem, he needs to set boundaries. I would just end things with him

OP even if you were “being a brat” or others on here would think that was all fine, you don’t want this sort of relationship he’s offering, so it’s fine to end it and look for a man who does offer what you want.

You don’t need a good enough reason to end a relationship, it not being exactly what you want is good enough.

'Hey John, I've decided this relationship is not working out for me. You have a lot of baggage and I'm looking for a relationship with someone where I'm not bottom of their list. It's time to call it a day. All the best for the future'.

Then ignore or block any messages from him. Who gives a shit if he thinks you are unreasonable? Or behaving like a brat. You could dump him because you hate the way he sniffs, or he chews with his mouth open. You can certainly dump him because you've got pissed off with his demanding ex.

It's your choice to stay with someone who tiptoes round their ex like this. It would not be for me.

You can end a relationship for any reason you like. You don’t have to give the real reason.

The vast majority of women would have a problem with this. Him saying it’s all you is just his opinion and he’s only saying it because he has no intention of changing the situation. It’s time to walk away. This is miserable for you and it’s not going to get better

She loves him and wants him back , and he keeps her hoping .

No you don’t, you look fed up of not being considered or prioritised

stop accepting scraps!

bin bin bin bin 🗑️

OP, never treat someone as a priority when they treat you as an option.

First off, you’re not being unreasonable for this to make you feel uncomfortable. But in any case, it is making you unhappy. And so you don’t have to put up with it, irrespective of whether or not you’re being reasonable in the eyes of others. It’s your life, if he’s not giving you what you need from the relationship, dump him & move on.
FWIW people spend their time, effort and energy exactly where they want to. Regardless of what they say.

I just want to sound a note of caution that it might your DP is stringing his ex along. The things you've been told she said were they on messages? The trope of a crazy ex is one some men use to their advantage.

Of course he is. Soon as she doesn't get her way or he sticks up for himself she will stop him seeing his boys - women like her always use their children as a weapon to get their own way.
She has him by the balls as he won't want to be barred from seeing them so that means he has to do as she says. Eff that for a game of soldiers, let her have him back ffs.

She sounds unhinged and he sounds like he doesn't want to let go of the past.....
Firm boundaries need to be put in place for successful co-parenting to work such as only communicating through a parent app and essential communications about the children only between set hours such as 9-5. Only true emergencies should be communicated out of these hours.
Unless he prioritises your relationship, your feelings and needs will always play second fiddle to her demands. You've set a very low bar for yourself already and what you're willing to tolerate within the relationship. This will not go far OP unless you set your own boundaries now which your partner is willing to stick to.
You cannot control what his ex does but he can choose whether to prioritise her needs over yours.
You have a choice; make it a wise one....