AIBU to not enjoy being around my kids?

I separated when my dd was 2.5
It greatly improved my free time (from being the default parent 100% of the time, with a mostly useless hanger-on, to just being the default parent 80% of the time - and my exH has stepped up once he's been left as the only adult in the room)
That said, for more than 1 year after the split my daughter spent EVERY single night sleeping at mine - because she point blank refused to spend the night at his place (which btw was the house she'd always known - I moved out!)
But no, she would wake up in the middle of the night and scream for me nonstop and they would turn up at my door at 2 am (after a 20mins car ride) with him looking shell-shocked😅

The fact that OP said her daughter would go nuclear if she did not respond to her in the night reminded me of this unplanned-for side effect 😅

Omg this is totally normal as a mum of a 12 year old 11 year old and 4 month old I can safely say it’s normal, I love my kids they are my whole world but yes sometimes I just want a few hours alone without anyone around me

Could you have some time away?

Would your finances stretch to a weekend out of it for each of you? Even just for a weekend of napping and snacks in a Travelodge in the same town you live in, if it can't stretch further... Anyone you could stay with and be looked after by?

Sometimes you do just genuinely need a break from it all. I ended up a carer instead to DP, so I'm still always responsible for someone. I love my family, but I really do fucking cherish the couple of weekends a year my kids are with their dad and DP is visiting his family and so I have noone to look after but myself. In the midst of parenting and caring, those 4/5 days a year are absolutely necessary for my mental health. Look after yourself.

I separated from their dad at around that age.

It was the extreme option, but gave me a break for 35% of the time. That was a bit more of a break than I'd have preferred, but was what we settled at. I genuinely think my time without the kids makes me a much better parent when they are with me. It was fucking exhausting at that age and it was the only way to force some time for myself. No regrets a decade on. They ended up with 2 engaged parents instead of one who did nothing and one knackered, broken parent that did everything. I was confident their dad would want time with them and I was right.

It is a frustrating mix of being busy and bored at the same time. So hard not ever being able to do what one wants at the weekends. They are bloody lovely though aren't they.

I've found loop earplugs very helpful in just taking the edge off my children's shrill little voices - would recommend, I feel like a slightly more patient person with them in

Honestly you're in the trenches at this stage. I think I'd take the batteries out of the chainsaw or regularly hide it

Hide that mofo good heavens

I felt the same about my DGS today. 18 months and trundles about grabbing at things and screaming. It’s challenging and there’s only one of him.

it’s perfectly normal to feel that way from time to time

Sounds like you could use a break. Little ones are a lot of work!

I empathise massively because although I do really enjoy my children, I have many many moments of overwhelm. I do my research and I knew all the info about sensory overwhelm in kids, but I didn't expect to experience it myself. Loud, jangly places really set my nerves on edge, whereas I can arse about in the woods with them for ages. I find it stressful being cooped up too, but I know other parents who prefer to be at home with their kids. So I think finding your own comfort zone can help!

I totally get that some days are like that. My four year old has misbehaved sometimes on some big days out (the most memorable was, I said no to a packet of crisps in the shop on the morning of his own birthday party. He went to get them anyway. I repeated the word no and let him straight out of the shop. He had the mother of all meltdowns in the street. Roaring at me, crying his eyes out. Obviously I’ve dealt with a tonne of toddler tantrums in my time but I will say it’s much easier to keep calm and rational when it’s not your own skin in the game 🤣)

Those ages are tough, you’re obviously not alive in feeling that. The advice I would give you is really savour the good bits, chalk up the bad, and sometimes do things in very small manageable chunks. Ie, walk to the shop, feed the ducks, home for nap and reset and bubbles in the garden or some easy craft activity. Then try and enjoy some time for yourself in the evening. I love being around kids but my evenings are sacred, I’m very strict about it.

Before I had kids, I remember another mum telling me that you will only get stressed if you can't accept that for the early years, you are on their schedule / agenda and that's it. It's a phase and it will pass, like everything else. If you are always thinking - "oh but, I need to do x,y,z" you will always feel like you're achieving nothing. Just responding and playing with the kids is enough. More than enough! Stop worrying about the rest. The key is to just embrace the early years and roll with it, basically. When you lean in, you can actually really enjoy it. I was a SAHM and the hardest part was probably when I has a small baby, a 2.5 year old and a 4 year old. It's draining in a very particular way. But it passes so quickly, so please try to enjoy it (or at least some of it). Netflix or whatever else you feel like doing will still be there when this phase morphs into the next!

Do you get any decent time for yourself? It's relentless when they are little, you need to find some time to be alone. Can you partner facilitate that?

I’m a nanny and have been for 15 years, and I’d say the majority of parents I’ve worked for think spending time with two children at once of these ages find it completely overwhelming and exhausting. So no you’re not in a minority. Some parents will do anything to actively avoid being with their two children at once, because they can’t handle it.

I obviously don’t or I’d be in the wrong job, but I do only have one child of my own.

I’ll be honest though, I do find it a bit sad sometimes. They’re not little for long.

'Remind yourself it's a phase' was a mantra I used. It will get easier....Also dont put pressure on yourself to make every day an educational experience, kids that watch tv and screens survive..Good luck OP, you will get through this.

It's a small age gap and that's meant you haven't had a break for 4 years OP. Mine have a 4 year gap and I've found it easier brcause I've only had one small child at a time, and a period when the eldest was at preschool before the youngest was born, so I got a complete break from dcs for a while. It will be much easier once they're both at school and in drop-off clubs at weekends.

I'm a sahm btw, which is why I had that time for myself. If you're working I guess you get that time as a break from the dcs, but it's not really free time that you can choose what you want to do.

It's such a demanding age. It will get better. My little one is only 1 and I'm due another in two weeks but I know pals with kids in the 2 and 4 age group are pulling hair out. School will soon start though for your 4 year old, 3 year old - pre school. You'll get a breather. There is nothing wrong with saying it's hard. It really is and I love my dd. We went through hell to bring her home after terrible losses. But it doesn't mean its easy either🥰🥰 lots of luck to you x

Don't give them airspace, op, they are just trying to stir up trouble.

If this feeling wasn’t totally normal we wouldn’t have the adage “they’re wonderful when they’re asleep”

I found with mine, the year before they started school was brutal!