Tips for how to not get drawn into this? Desperate!

what I did: I just stopped even acknowledging any remarks about anything other than the practical matters at hand. Not even “sure, whatever” or a look. Literally nothing. He knows I think he’s useless and a liar; and he used to control me by pretending he was “carrying” me and making me work ever harder. I was carrying him and now hes started trying to justify himself to me. Whatever he says, he gets nothing from me. Literally nothing. He hates it. Thats not why I do it - I do it to be free and it works - but he really hates it.

Grey rock. Look it up. Stop communicating with him on anything unless it’s to do with logistics over the DC. Just stop.

Oh yeah, or this is good.

I'd agree with this. Stop giving him oxygen in these situations. He's seeking attention, and even negative attention is attention.

Learn how to go "grey rock" with him. Make arrangements over text if you can, ignore if he tries to draw you in via texts and focus just on the arrangements.

Good luck OP, it is bloody exhausting.

He knows he's lying. You know he's lying. He knows you know he's lying. I would be tempted (if in person) to just look at him straight in the eye for an uncomfortably long time to get the point across. Maybe raise my eyebrows or have a barely contained smirk on my face.

If over messages, completely ignore. Try to remember that it's not actually about the truth and proving who is right - he just wants to rile you. You'll drive him more mad by not responding. I second following jessrunsforsurvivors.

Why do you need to keep going over what’s happened in the past. The focus needs to be on your joint child and you only really need to be speaking about them.

Try and pretend that your ex is a colleague and that every time you have interaction you’re actually in a professional work place.

Take all the emotion out of your communications and ask yourself before you reply or react “Would I speak to a work colleague like this?”

Going over and over the past isn’t going to change anything, you’re not together and you need to focus on the new situation of a healthy co parenting relationship for your child. Even if this means biting your tongue, not trying to correct his version of the past etc.

“Yeah , sure ok.” Change subject. If he brings it back “if you say so”. Change subject .No emotion, no interest, no debating.

I follow a lady on insta called Jess (jessrunsforsurvivers) and she does some excellent videos about her narcissistic ex.

She talks about 'JADE' when dealing with her nex - justify, argue, defend or explain.

Maybe check out some of her videos?

He knows he is lying.

you know he is lying.

he is never going to admit it so stop wasting your time.

my ex is like this.

I think I’d ignore whatever he said and not communicate unless it was about child drop off / pick up. Who cares if he lies. Ideally over text or email only to avoid the urge to try to defend myself in real time.

I know it’s easier said than done but the answer is… Don’t argue, don’t get drawn in, don’t even acknowledge what he’s saying in any way.

I take it he’s doing this at pick ups and drop offs? Just completely ignore him when he starts, turn your back on him or crouch down and chat to your child instead… “ooh have you had a lovely time with daddy, come and tell me all about it” while shutting the door in your exes face and saying “see you next time, bye”.

That must be so frustrating. Maybe go with ‘recollections may vary’ like the queen did.

“Well, I don’t agree, but as you say we all have our own perspectives. Anyway, let’s get back to confirming arrangements - what time are you collecting DD on Thursday?”

”I remember it differently but, as you always say, we all have our own recollections. What time are you collecting DD on Thursday?”

etc.

Acknowedge every time that you disagree, repeat his own words back to him, and then just disregard it and get back to the conversations you actually need to have.