AIBU to keep my married name after divorce despite new partner’s objections?

I don’t think men realise how it feels to have a different name to your children. Not being unreasonable at all xx

He sees the name as a brand of ownership in you, which is 🚩 and thinks you should do what he wants when it affects him not at all and you a lot 🚩 and makes you different from your children 🚩. I would not consider it and I would tell him why.

Keep your surname and dump the guy.

One of my close friends still goes by her married surname although she's been divorced for many years. She just feels it would be too much hassle to change it. Current bloke isn't bothered.

I’d keep it and relish the resentment

Total red flag. I'm on my third marriage/civil partnership. I changed my name with both marriages and both my husbands would have been appalled if I hadn't.

I don't think it ever crossed the mind of my civil partner that I would change my surname to his. He sees me as an equal, doesn't think he owns me or has the right to control me, unlike my husbands.

I still use my first exH's surname from 40yrs ago and didn't change it after divorce or when I then married again 20yrs later (divorced now) . Definitely won't be marrying again .....or changing my name ! It's my name now ,it's who I am 😊

Red flag/red pill alert. Your new partner thinks women are a man's property with the surname signifying ownership. Yuck.

You can have whatever surname you want, for whatever reason you want. So can men though most are oddly resistant to changing theirs, funny that. Maybe they are scared people will think their wife owns them or something.

My husbands first wife changed her name on marriage and kept it when they divorced, even though she remarried and there were no kids from the first marriage. She just preferred it apparently. I didn't change my name when we married. I thought it was quite funny that my husband had an ex wife called Mrs Husband and a current wife called Miss Birthname.

You get to decide about your own name. And you want it to match your children's. That's fine.

Similar situation, although there's a kid involved. I've been separated from my ex H since 2018, can't afford to get divorced. I've still got my married surname, and I gave that surname to my DS! My ex (and DS's sperm donor) then tried to claim DS was fathered by my ex H and wanted a DNA test. As I went through the CMS to get him to pay child maintenance and he was disputing DS's parentage, it cost him over £300 for said DNA test, which I feel very smug about.

When people call you that surname literally nobody but your partner thinks of it as your ex’s name. It’s your name and your kids’ name.

Divorce is hard enough. If you ended up with a surname you like, keep it.

Massive red flags for me here.

Your name is your decision. That's it really.

I kept my married name after divorce because it's such a faff changing it.
However, I did change to my new DH's name because I was tired of having to spell out the other tricky one !

Presumably he holds these views whilst also using ‘another man’s name’ as his surname? Aka his dad? Or does he have another woman’s surname? Aka his mum.

I think men who get very upset that a wife wont take their name are a red flag. A partner who has an issue with your current name goes far beyond red.flag territory.

My parents were divorced when I was a child and my mother kept her married name for the rest of her life. Possibly this was her reason too but I also know she never liked her original name as she was teased about it as a child.

She was married to my father for 17 years so I imagine now felt that name was her identity - I don't really know as I never questioned her reasons or asked her about it, but it seemed totally normal to me that she carried on with the same name. That was who she was

He sounds controlling and selfish. Surely he understand you'd want the same last name as your children? Very possessive.

I’m not sure you’ve upgraded on the partner/Dh front

nothing to do with him he sounds like a cat pissing to mark his territory

He’s a massive sexist. Is this the first sign of it?

I kept my married name. For three reasons. I’m known by that name professionally, I wanted the same name as my DC, and I CBA with the faff.

The thought of my now DP (of 13 years) injecting to it is laughable!

I kept my married name when I divorced. It's the same name as my children, it's what I'm known as professionally and I couldn't be arsed with the hassle and expense of changing my passport, driving licence, bank accounts, utility bills and everything else with my name on!

It does sound like a controlling reaction OP as if he views you as property not a person. Take care with him and look after yourself.

Not his decision to make.

Oh dear.

You really said this and admit to it?

And you think it's to annoy you? Bahhhahhaa!

Your ego isn't the centre of the universe. I love how you thought you had a right to even ask her this and can't comprehend that she may have kept it. Your inability to see things from any other perspective than your own is staggering!

That's just her name now and she didn't want the hassle of changing it again.

But no, it has to because she was seeking to annoy you!

Can't think why she divorced you...

If you have a son tell your new partner that yes, you have another man’s name… your sons, abd leave it there.

I wouldn’t change my name. It’s my family name with my children and my professional name.
I wouldn’t get into big discussions or debates about it either trying to justify it.

"Sophie Smith you should return to being Sophie Ramsbottom.

No your identity, professional and personal relationships youve built up under that name don't matter that much. It's just a name.

A name I think matters so hugely because it marks your identity as still belonging to another man and my fragile ego struggles with this.

Of course I'm not prepared to become Harry Ramsbottom if we then get married.

Why the fuck would I want to have a surname with the word bottom in?

It's a massive hassle to change my name. It would affect how others perceive me. I work in a very important industry and changing my name to my wife's would be perceived as me being weak or permissive to a woman which would impact on my professional relationships and how seriously I was taken.

Plus it doesn't reflect my all important paternal heritage whilst expecting you to instantly forget your paternal heritage, which is currently very important to me, the instant I marry you.

What do you mean I'm a controlling hypocritical sexist arse?"

Na mate.

Fuck off.