AIBU to keep my married name after divorce despite new partner’s objections?

Your name, your decision. Your partner sounds either very insecure or is a that.

Fuck all to do with him! Who does he think he is? Honestly. Tell him to piss off

It is her name, her name ‘belongs’ to her. It doesn’t matter if she goes by her birth certificate, the same as her fathers, she same as her ex husband or one she made up randomly, it is what she chooses to be known as and it is hers. Even if she’s called Jane Smith and thousands of other people have it, it is still HER name. Stop giving ownership of her name to someone else.

LTB

Don't marry him. No point. Just stay as you are. If he doesn't like that, ask yourself why.

I was married 22 years, divorced, kept the name and have re-married. DH could not possibly care less what name I use, so I've kept the one from my first marriage. The list of things I would have had to change was daunting. License, Social Security (US), pension, insurance, house and car titles, bank accounts, bonds, stocks, medical records, work records. In a hundred years, even fifty or less, nobody will care what my name was. A rose by any other name smells just as sweet.

I kept my maiden name when we got married and DC have both of our names. I did this for a few reasons but one was I’m an academic with a fair chunk of published work and I wanted to ensure my work was correctly attributed to me. I also don’t like DH’s surname!

Your surname is obviously your choice and many women keep it when it’s their DC’s name.

It's a perfectly logical idea to keep the name you have called yourself, and your children, for twenty years.

OP is soundly ignoring the red flags which numerous people have pointed out...

That’s the main reason I didn’t change my name when I got married 26 years ago. It’s a ridiculous amount of work.

He needs to grow the fuck up. I've kept my "married" name after divorcing him nearly 30 years ago. I like it better than my birth name and I don't intend to ever give it up for anybody.

Tell him it’s your name now and it’s linked to your professional identity and your children.
I wouldnt even be justifying my name and why I want to keep it.

I'd say it's not open for discussion.
Poor fragile man, getting worked up over a name.
If this upsets him, what's he going to be like when other things don't go his way!

I have to say I don't quite follow all the people who say it's your name. It wasn't originally and you only took it because you got married. I absolutely understand why people want the same name as DC and so keep it but yours are older so it seems less relevant. I find it odd that people keep the name of their ex for no particular reason, seems just a constant reminder of this person that you no longer love. I do understand not loving your maiden name and I know someone in your situation who picked another name, and another who took their mother's maiden name instead of reverting back to father's.

Having said that however it is 100pc your choice and your DP doesn't get to dictate this. So do whatever you want to do and that's that.

Watch that red flag a wavin’…….

OP has answered that question - read her posts.

Why did you change it in the first place?
She literally says she hated her maidan name.
Why are you even questioning it, it's not the point of the thread.
I certainly wouldn't be changing my name to protect a man's ego.

As is every man's, if we're going down that route. OP's fiance should change his name. Wouldn't want a surname that used to be another man's after all, even if that man was your father.

Why did you change it in the first place?

Anyway hope partner is being a twat, tell him it's not up for discussion.

Your maiden name is also another mans name, your Dad's. His behaviour is a massive red flag for jealous and controlling behaviour.

It makes perfect sense.

What doesn’t make sense is your partner’s attitude. If you’ve explained your situation clearly to him, then that’s it. He needs to respect your decision.

I once worked with a Headteacher who, after accidentally calling a child by tge wrong name, said, "It would be so much easier if they all came with bar codes."

I do think it's interesting that so many people talk about women's names as being their father's but noone ever says to a man that their surname is their father's.

Tell him it’s your name now and it’s linked to your professional identity and your children.
tell him in hindsight you don’t even wish you hadn’t changed it and given your children your maiden name as you don’t like your maiden name it was Great to have had a life circumstance that led you to change it.
Hanging onto it has nothing to do with you ex you don’t like or love him.
tell him you’re only going to say this once to him and you’re not going to discuss this with him again.

you could even write this all in an email and any time he does mention it have a phrase on repeat ‘please re read the email if you need a reminder- I’m not discussing this any more’ then change the subject .

It is not your ex's name. You changed your name and then it became your name. You choose.

@FidgetWonkham
You’ve definitely made the right decision.

Please don’t let him pressurise you. He has absolutely no right to.

Your name is your name. You've had it for x amount of years. Your partner is being controlling. He doesn't like that the name belongs to your ex and therefore by extention so do you. Your name isn't about about ownership. It about you and your children's joint identity. I'd be very clear that your name isn't up for discussion. You will be keeping it regardless of your relationship status now or in the future. He needs to decide if he can live with that or not. If not then his ego is more important than your relationship.

It's none of this man's business what name you choose to have!
🚩
This has possessiveness written all over it. What a wally.