AIBU to keep my married name after divorce despite new partner’s objections?

Oh dear, you can do so much better than him.

Probe him as to his reasons, pointing out to him how ridiculous he sounds and then give serious thought to getting rid.

Your dad's name is also 'another man's name". Presumably he sees it as a form of ownership as in his partner is still technically owned by another man. Whatever is good going on in his head it's a red flag to be bothered about it and another red flag to try to tell you what to do with you own name. Is this a good relationship in other respects?

YANBU - it’s a load of hassle to change your name. I held onto mine because I had used my married name since 21 and at work that was all anyone knew me as and I had a good profile etc. My partner at time (now DH) wanted me to go back to maiden name but I just left it.

I eventually changed my name to my new married name when I married DH.

Its 100% your decision.

Not upto the partner - red flag if he does not like it he knows where the door is!

You can use whatever title you like, there's no law that says you have to be Mrs just because you're married. You can still call yourself Miss or use Ms.

Similarly if you're divorced you can still use Mrs or use Miss or Ms.

It’s your name and your legal identity, and changing it would be an unnecessary administrative burden - especially when it makes practical sense to share a surname with your children.

His demand comes across as a bit patriarchal and chauvinistic, prioritising his own insecurity over your established life and family cohesion.

Do you feel like he’s trying to diminish or overwrite your past, or is he simply not fully considering the practical and emotional implications of what he’s asking?

What do you think is really about for him - concern about perception, insecurity, or something else?

Calling it “another man’s name” feels quite antiquated - after all, his surname came from another man too.

I’d find the behaviour, and its sexist undertones, quite concerning.

Women are under no obligation to change their name on marriage. Any new DW might or might not change their name. Or the OP’s ex might change his name to a new wife’s name. Though few do. Patriarchal traditions are hard to shift.

The OP can choose whether or not to change her name should she re-marry.

So what if a second wife is also Mrs ExName? A woman who changed her name in marriage likely has the same name as her MIL.

Men expecting to stamp their own label on a woman and peel it off at will is a repellent sexist belief.

I kept my name, my Dc are hyphenated.

(don’t start in the Bingo game of ‘what if they marry someone with a double barrelled name…)

It’s your name and your children’s name. Keep it for those reasons.

I don't have any skin in the game, so no judgement whatever you decide, but how would you feel if he had changed his name with his ex and decided to keep it?

Maybe if you can explain to him why it wouldn't bother you (assuming it wouldn't) then he will come around with some understanding.

When I married for the second time, I still kept my first married name. This was for numerous reasons. I did think I might change it when I had children, but then never bothered. Husband wasn't bothered, nor were first DH and his second wife. I was so used to it that it would have felt strange to change it.

A friend of mine kept her married name when she got divorced as she wanted to still have the same surname as her DS. When he grew up he promptly changed his surname to her maiden name!

I've remarried and I still haven't changed my surname from my previous married name. I want to keep the same surname as my children

If OP changed hers to Princess Consuela Banana Hammock, the appropriate name for the partner to change his to would be Crap Bag. Based on his behaviour, that seems to fit.

OP, it's your decision, not this dude's. He can jog on.

Your name your decision.
He sounds over possessive and insecure.

I did so me and my kids had the same surname and went and called my next two kids same surname so we were all the same. All adults now and no one has ever wanted to change.

You can call yourself anything you like. Your ex sounds like a controlling prig. I never changed my surname, but if I had, that would be my name, no matter what.

Your current partner is an idiot.

Or maybe she could just be MS whatever-name-she-wants!
Honestly what nonsense about Miss, Mrs and "won't his new wife be Mrs x". As if that matters?

Perhaps if her ex marries again his new wife will keep her own name? Or he will change his name to hers? Who knows?
Either way, it just doesn't really matter does it?

He's been with you all this time and only now raised this!? Keep your name especially as it's also your children's.

Hmm, if your ex gets married again, wouldn’t Mrs Xx be her name?

Possibly, if new wife adopts his surname. But so what? Very few surnames for which there is a singular Mrs Roberts (or whatever) in the country

Do your lose the Mrs bit after the divorce. If you do are you Miss ex husband surname or Mrs ex husband surname?

She’s Miss/Mrs/Dr/Ms HerSurname. Because it’s hers.

Do you intend to marry new partner?

Given the 🚩 I do hope not.

Might be different if your new partner was asking you to marry him but it sounds like that is a long way off if it is ever likely to happen.

I kept my ex[s name when we divorced even though later he tried to stop me - the judge ruled against him.
I[m a Brit living in Switzerland. My maiden name is double-barrelled and we are the only family to have it. I even got jokes about it in the UK. My boss took one look at it on my name badge, said: Er, do you mind if I call you by your nickname..!
My ex[s name is also my professional name so there was no way that I would change it. Your partner sounds very unsure of himself.

Hmm, if your ex gets married again, wouldn’t Mrs Xx be her name?
I will admit I don’t know much about the names but when I use my maiden name (don’t anymore) I was a Miss maiden name. Now I am Mrs husband surname. Do your lose the Mrs bit after the divorce. If you do are you Miss ex husband surname or Mrs ex husband surname? Only matters really if your ex remarries as his new spouse will take his name. Truly don’t know the etiquette here sorry OP. Do you intend to marry new partner? If you do, will you take his name? If so, you and the kids will have different surnames anyway…

Keep your name if you want to it is nothing to do with your new partner. I’d feel
odd changing my name to one that is different from my children’s even if they are grown up.

What an odd thing for him to get worked up about.
I'd keep my married name if I got divorced (not that that's going to happen) because I prefer it to my maiden name. It's easier to pronounce and I don't have to repeat it and spell it out when I say it.

Nope. Her birth surname was hers for the first 20-30 years of her life, which she shared with family members.

Then she changed it to another surname, which she has now had for 20+ years, and she shares this name with other family members, ie her adult children.

ETA both those names are hers