He cant commit.to being in child's life

And I fully agree that him saying not to speak to him if you’re talking nonsense is 100% fair enough.

You are being utterly ridiculous and making it much more likely that you will eventually split up. Every time you ask him the stupid question you make it even more likely. You sound very difficult to live with. Poor man. Poor baby.

he said i can only speak to him if its valid and not nonsense

Which sounds fair enough, because you are speaking a colossal amount of nonsense.

I almost never defend the blokes but it's screamingly obvious that you are a toxic nightmare who won't take responsibility for her own behaviour then cries victim when you've pushed any sane person to breaking point.

Stop goading him, stop picking away at hypotheticals, stop being contrary, stop manufacturing drama, treat people respectfully and with positivity.

You've clearly messed this bloke up. Change yourself NOW before you mess up your poor daughter.

Can't you see you are repeating the hysteria and distress of your parents? Look how well that worked out for you. Does your DD deserve that?

You’re emotionally abusing your Dd bringing her up in a household where she is upset because she can hear her parents shouting. She’s very young now but this will get worse for her as she gets older. But even now it’s unsettling her. But in the future it’s likely to cause her anxiety and lead to behavioural issues. You need to stop it. Seek help, see about couples counselling. Or leave him. It’s not healthy.

Why don't you just stop talking about hypothetical breakups, and get on with enjoying life? Like, just don't talk about your relationship AT ALL, stop obsessing over it and making it all you think about. Noone likes a single-issue obsessive, so start looking outward a bit and think about things other than yourself.

Do some gardening, find some interesting walks to take your child on, buy a sketchbook and some charcoal and draw some pictures. Just, stop obsessing over yourself and your relationship. Its not healthy.

I don’t think you should save this relationship to be honest
Certainly not in its current state
Maybe revisit it if you both want to in two or three years time but right here and now this is not a relationship worth saving
Save the relationship with your daughter whilst you still have the chance to do that

Well we could say he needs to stop reacting to you but then where is your accountability?

Stop with the mind games and questioning and nitpicking and he won't have anything to react to.

@Confusedgal0001 , you could start by addressing your behaviour.

I am not being the problem here. but you are.

You seem to be blaming everything on someone or something else.

If you don't want your daughter being upset by the shouting don't have the arguments.

And that’s exactly why I would tell my son to get away from you because you can’t influence him. There’s no WE.
The only person that you can influence and the only behaviour you have any control over is your own.
Once you understand that you may be able to have a relationship with somebody else.
But right now you have a child who is your absolute priority, not fixing your relationship.
That needed to happen beforehand, but here we are.

He wasnt always nasty. He said 2/3 years ago that I am going to chip away until nothing is left. And now he is nasty. He says he is angry he needs to be better and pit work in when he wakes up positive and starts his day with thinking up positive things. He says I start my day negatively and when something goes wrong my go to is going in a mood or blame. He says its my issues that have caused all of this and he thinks I should work twice as hard to get it back to a nice place. He says he has done his bit and if I continue arguing I will get his nasty side. But that isnt right

You moulded him into this.
And are now complaining because you got want you made.

To answer the question about how well he would co-parent?
He would be pretty bad because you are a fucking nightmare and will throw no end of road blocks up in front of him.

To all those that say that the OP is postpartum what is the excuse for how she behaved before the baby?

Have you ever heard of something called Histrionic Personality Disorder? It's where someone constantly creates dramas around themselves to be the centre of attention and to be the hero or heroine of their lives. These people are exhausting to be around, although they can be charming and entertaining at first.

Read up on it, you might find it illuminating...

Women like you cause arguments go running to the police and play the victim.

Youve done yourself no favours on here, hopefully you’re not actually like this in real life.

Do you think he might have a point? Can you try reflecting on what he’s saying and try and change your behaviour? I’m not condoning nastiness but you sound a total nightmare and he sounds at the end of his tether. You will drive him away if you carry on. You don’t sound capable of bringing up a dc without causing them a lot of emotional damage unless you sort yourself out. Get therapy.

With that last sentence, you showed that you’re deliberately doing with us what you do to him - goad and provoke.

You clearly enjoy games and getting a reaction out of people.

I’m out of here.

From what you’ve described here you both need to be out of that environment
But fundamentally, yes, it is down to you as the woman to keep that child safe and at the moment you aren’t doing that.
The expectation and standards are different for women. You’ll discover that if social services get involved and it sounds like it’s only a matter of time.

@Confusedgal0001 You need therapy. Please for the sake of your daughter before you start having a go at her as well . You come off as extremely unhinged but you might have a personality disorder who knows? I feel sorry for your dp because he must be under so much stress. Please seek help.

@Confusedgal0001 , Anyone would be annoyed by a partner who behaves like you.

I would advise my son to leave and take his daughter with him until you can control your emotions.

So what would make you happy exactly?