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AIBU?

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AIBU to think my brother-in-law and partner are copying us?

130 replies

maria199 · 04/04/2026 23:55

I feel like my husband’s brother and his partner are ‘copying’ us. My husband’s older brother is known to copy him and has done throughout his life. It really annoys my husband but he is often told to try to not let it bother him. Now I feel I am noticing a bit of a pattern with him and his partner and I don’t know if I am being unreasonable to feel like this?

Our daughter was born at the end of October (our first baby) and when I was pregnant we had shared names we liked. One of the names was a boy name that was very meaningful to me and I was told at the time that was their “favourite name” and what they would call their baby (they were not pregnant). My husband said another boys name he liked and then suddenly a couple of weeks later that was the name they were going to call their hypothetical baby. We ended up having a girl and forgot all about it. They have announced they are having a baby due mid November and a boys name for them is the name my husband said he liked. I don’t care as we definitely cannot gatekeep names, but it’s just a thing to add to the ‘copying’.

I had a miscarriage 2 months before being pregnant with my daughter, so when I was pregnant with her we got 2 early scans as I was very anxious (I calmed down a lot later on in pregnancy). They have had an early scan and have another one booked in 2 weeks. Again, completely their right and nothing to do with me but it’s just another thing.

Last Easter we announced my pregnancy to our family at the family meal (I was 12 weeks) and then this year at the family Easter meal they have announced theirs (around 8 weeks pregnant). Again, nothing to do with me when people announce but just another thing.

My husband and I are married but I kept my name and our daughter has my name as this was something I was clear I wanted. Today at lunch they said that the baby will not have my brother-in-law’s name but will take his partners name. Again fine, but it’s another thing.

My daughter has gorgeous red hair, neither me or my husband have red hair at all. At lunch my brother-in-law’s partner was saying she’s a natural red head and the baby will likely come out ginger. An odd comment to make I feel?

When they told us about their pregnancy they told us the day they found out and followed it by saying that the baby will be almost exactly a year after ours and that’s what they wanted. At the time I thought nothing of it, but again looking back it seems like an odd comment to make.

They mentioned some prams they looked at and one of the ones they like is the one we have. Again, I can’t gatekeep a pram but it’s just another thing.

I am very happy for them and looking forward to meeting my niece/nephew in the future. We get on very well and my husband and his brother are close. It just seems a lot things seem similar and I guess I’m not sure if I’m just being very self-centred in thinking this is a bit of ‘copying’ and therefore being unreasonable, or whether this just seems like a bunch of coincidences.

OP posts:
PawMaw · 05/04/2026 00:07

I think you are over thinking most of this

LauraJaneGrace · 05/04/2026 00:04

You are not the only fan of any baby name.
You are not the only person in the world to have pregnancy scans.
You are not the only people allowed to announce a pregnancy.
You are not the only couple to conceive at a certain time of year.
You are not the only parents with a red haired child.
You are not the first people to give baby the mom's surname.

Unless your SIL has duplicated your exact same hairstyle, decorated her house exactly the same as yours, bought the same model of car to follow you around in, changed her voice to sound like you and is considering changing careers and moving to your workplace, then I wouldn't worry about being " copied"

Childanddogmama · 05/04/2026 00:04

Hmm I'm not seeing anything that really stands out as copying, maybe at a stretch you might have influenced them in making their decisions.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 05/04/2026 00:02

None of it sounds that unusual. The names thing is annoying. Maybe start dropping in decoy names, you have until November.

Seasonofthesticks · 04/04/2026 23:58

Try to see it as a compliment. My friend will constantly ask me where my clothes are from and buy the same thing or turn up wearing the same clothes as me, even kitchen and household appliances/ decor she copies off me. It did annoy me but I just tell myself I must have good taste and that helps

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