Christening Etiquette?

Who are you to say £20 isn’t a lot of money? To some people that’s a lot and they may not have it to spare. Also ‘once in a lifetime’ …. The christening might be once in a lifetime but it didn’t mean trips to church are, there may be other christenings/weddings/funerals

One of my friends didn't attend the actual Christening part for one of my DC but showed her face at the after bit for a while. She was really ill with flu though, but wanted to put in an appearance.

Regarding putting money on the collection plate, we made a "suggested donation" to have the Christening as part of the usual Sunday service. So the church had more money that week than usual, if guests chose to put more in then that was up to them, but it wasn't expected.

Never heard of anyone missing the Christening and just attending the food/ gathering after.

You do not need to put anything at all in the church plate. Said as a weekly churchgoer.

Sorry to hear you are not willing to contribute to the upkeep of a church. £20 is not alott to ask considering it will be a once in a lifetime contribution. This is particularly the case if it is a pretty village church that only has a service once a month. They will rely on gifts from occasional visitors to keep the church open for when it is needed for weddings and christenings.

It would be quite rude to just skip to the party unless there is a very good reason. It would be a bit like skipping a funeral service and heading to the wake.

OP, the point if the Christening is the baptism. The church service is the important bit, especially for the parents and godparents. You could go to the church and skip the party, but to miss the actual christening itself would be monumentally rude. I can’t believe your friend would suggest such a thing.

Go to the ceremony. It is incredibly rude not to.

Many Christenings are done as part of the Sunday morning service.
Unlikely to be 15mins.

But, obviously your friend is wrong OP.
If she doesn't want to go to the Christening, she should politely decline. No-one skips the main point of the day.

I think thats forgivable.

But generally no you can't rock up at a party if your don't attend the main event first.

Christenings usually/often take place within the context of a service, the whole congregation is part of it. Strange not to go but just to the party

I am an atheist Jew with a Hindu for an adopted daughter and two Catholics for God children. I go to everything they want me to, gladly, because I want them to be pleased. I don’t have to believe in what they believe - I go to Christmas parties, after all.

Of course you can’t skip the church, they are suggesting that

Why? I have never left £20 for the church taking part in a christening.

I went to my nephews Christening, few years ago now, I only attended the party after. But I did have a good excuse, I had given birth 5 days before, and had to wait for the midwife’s daily visit (said it was a few years ago) once she had been and given the ok, the service was under way. So I just went to the party I don’t think I could have managed the service as well tbh. I would never normally do that, and I was upset not see him baptised

@laughloseya your friend is an idiot. If you accept the invitation to the Christening, then you attend the Christening. There’s no ‘after-party-only-option’ - unless specified - for those that just don’t fancy sitting through the ceremony.

£20 is what I put in the plate weekly so would do the same at another church I was visiting for a christening. Doesn't mean it's required but it's also not so ridiculous to be a joke.

And yes, it's pretty rude to skip the actual ceremony. Although if anyone had done that to me I'd find it more bemusing that offensive.

OP @WhitegreeNcandle is pulling your leg, £20 contribution to the church is unheard of in a normal world. Have a few pounds and put them if you want. And by a few I mean two or three pounds.

I suppose I’m coming from a place of trying to keep a village church up and running. Lots of people want them to be available for hatches, matches and despatches but don’t want to pay towards it. I appreciate as a guest it’s totally up to you!

My husbands 2 x friends did this.

They are generally arseholes with regards to basic etiquette despite both going to fucking Winchester.

Go to the church.

I think it would be really strange not to go to the actual Christening. You don't need to put £20 in the collection plate either!

No that’s really inappropriate.

we are going to a friends dc holy communion - they suggested since the service is >1hr and absolutely packed and we have a toddler, (who is just about to walk) and it’s at nap time, that we are welcome to skip the church and join for the lunch etc which I thought was lovely and thoughtful! Dp and dc will go direct to lunch and I’ll go to church.

It's a christening.

It's not a wedding with the main event for a chosen few then evening guests for the party bit.
You were invited to the christening. Probably involves a church service which might be a bit boring if that's not your thing, but that's the invitation.

The other way round, if pressed for time - come to ceremony, show your face at party or immediately after ceremony, leave. Not just come to party!

I once did this. Not intentionally!!! It was mortifying. I had to drive 100 miles, I thought I left so much extra time. I had toyed with driving the night before but it just didn't work. There were roadworks, so many issues and I entirely missed the ceremony.

It did not feel ok. Everyone was lovely, but it was just too embarrassing!