Christening Etiquette?

Not true as long as it’s still voluntary gift aid can be claimed

You go to the service - that’s the important bit

Appalling rudeness to skip it

To give another perspective, we are religious and our children were baptised. I invited close friends and family who were close to us and I wanted to see and celebrate with / who I wanted to meet my baby. We had lovely days each time. I wouldn't have minded if people said they couldn't make it to the actual service and could only come to the after party, I wouldn't have minded if people headed off early. I wouldn't have minded if people came without gifts (I just wanted to see people and have a chance to be together). There is no need to give money to the church unless you really wanted to. Even if you did a couple of pounds would be fine. If a baptism takes place during a normal mass, you absolutely should sit through the whole service but if you have a standalone ceremony then it can be quite quick eg 30mins or so (that wasn't the point of the original post but to answer some confusion in other responses)

Your friend is rude and ignorant. If she doesn’t like Christianity, she could think of the ceremony as a way of welcoming a child into a community who promise to care for the child. It’s a lovely ceremony ( I just glide over in my mind all the god/devil stuff).

A suggested donation means you can't get Gift Aid.

Most churches don't expect visitors to give.

@laughloseya. Very few people put £20 in the collection, it’s why churches are so poor, our roof leaks, seats broken. …. £5 in the collection if you can afford it is about right, we have a card machine too

Do not go to church and walk out right after the baptism! You have to stay for the whole service!

The ceremony is the whole point so skipping it would be wrong.

I assume you are catholic?

In C of E churches they usually aren't separate. They are done in the middle of a normal church service. Vicars usually like some down time on a Sunday afternoon.

This. Most christening these days are done separately from a normal mass so no collection plate. If you are like PP and like to donate though I'm sure you could, but not necessary.

I go to what I am invited too, and no personally I dont get this multi event only invited to one buit like the queen type set up, but if i am invited to a named event at 11am then 1pm to this other named event I presume I am invited to the first & second event so decide if I am going to all or none

I presume receiving an invitation to anything means there is a reason I am invited to what it says

If you are invited to the Christening that is the most important part. The refreshments after are for the Christening guests, not just some random party. If you aren't religious it doesn't matter, just think of it as a naming and introducing to the world ceremony for baby. Many babies that get christened aren't from particularly religious parents anyway.

Of course if invited to a christening I would go to the church part, but why is everyone so adamant that it’s the only important part? When people get married the only important part really is the ceremony, yet people happily go along to only the after party. What’s the difference really?

Going against the grain but DD was christened last month and I invited lots of local friends with kids and said they were welcome to come to both or just the party. About half of them just came to the hall after. It was a pretty long service for toddlers etc and didn't bother me at all. We had family/ godparents so about 30 in the Church and 50 at the party. I wouldn't have thought anyone was expected to give 20 pounds plus to the church. A few quid if you have them.

It's really rude to just come for the food after the christening is over. Unless you have pre arranged it with the host of course and you had a good reason like the pp's who were waiting for the midwife, got lost or were doing the night shift.

With the collection money at our church the collection plate wouldn't be around for a christening. We don't expect visitors to give money, they are guests. We would collect money from people who regularly come but only if they want to. We give 10% of wages or more to our own church but wouldn't give money to another church. Although if MIL is around she will still give dh a pound to put in the collection!

I would only go to both or none at all, it can be justified by other poster's I mean, to me it is simple

Your friend is wrong. Go to both parts or don’t go at all.

It would be incredibly rude to go to the party and not the actual, you know, christening. Like not bothering to turn up for someone’s wedding ceremony but crashing the reception anyway.

Hmm, really weird to be "invited" to a christening if you are not immediate family or a godparent.

It really isn't.

Hmm, really weird to be "invited" to a christening if you are not immediate family or a godparent.
However, as you have been "invited" I would suggest that the proper form is to turn up at the church, dressed appropriately, attend the service and then proceed to the christening party.
Alternatively, if none of this is your thing, just decline the invitation with a "due to prior engagement" excuse.

If you want to go to a celebration to 'wet the baby's head' you really ought to first go to the bit where the baby's head gets wet.

The Christening is the important part of the day for your friends and they obviously want you to be part of it. It would be very offensive to only attend the party.

The Christening is the important part of the day for your friends and they obviously want you to be part of it. It would be very offensive to only attend the party.

Definitely incredibly rude to miss the service. Also rude imo to make it about you by refusing to come on the basis that ‘you don’t believe in it’. It’s about celebrating the person at the centre and their choices. My SIL refused to come to DS’s first holy communion last year on that basis - he had been preparing for months and was so excited for the day. I’m always going to think less of her for that.

I did encourage a close friend just to come to the party for the communion tbf but that’s because she would have been coming straight from a night shift! And she still offered to come to the service bless her. And at my wedding a family friend had junior doctor exams and could only make the reception. But that’s was all fine, very good reasons.