AIBU to decline social invitations when masking leaves me physically unwell?

This ^^ seeing pals is not supposed to be such hard work. Don’t see them - but don’t then be surprised if you lose your mates over it.

This just sounds like anxiety stress rash (hives) mixed in with peri hot flashes and underlying neurodiversity.

You’re not allergic to people it’s a histamine release triggered by stress. Menopause can really trigger anxiety.

You don’t sound like you’re at all ok with yourself which you’re projecting onto other people. I’d suggest some otc histamines to see if that works + CBT referral.

Sounds like social anxiety and muscle tension

Alternatively:
“Sorry friend, I can’t make that. Have a good time though.”

You can reject the invite and explain you’re finding crowds hard to manage as you’re neurodiverse and your capacity comes and goes but :
thank them for including you in the invite, wish their event well, send them a card /gift instead and suggest an alternative low stress meet up like a walk in nature and coffee soon IF you want to keep that relationship going

Are you invited to many?!

YANBU, why would you be?
Nobody is going to put you first, apart from yourself.
Screw others.

Don’t feel guilty - I find social events totally exhausting and not enjoyable - I now decline all events as the stress of them makes me ill the next day - I have learnt to say no for my own mental wellbeing!

I am not sure why it is disgusting or harsh to say that people who hate all other people, not just some- to the point of breaking out in a rash and feeling dizzy- should stay at home. What are we meant to say?

Of course OP and her husband are also people. And it is possible that other people may feel the same way about them.

@RiojaNcheese I found that quite difficult to read

I'm wondering if you are unwell in some other way

Have you always had some alcohol before these physical symptoms came on?

I have had a histamine reaction from alcohol a couple of times. Like tingly lips and lots of sneezing.

You say you have reduced some medications - does your doctor know this?

generally all sounds very odd. We will have to do things that annoy us, but it doesn't usually bring us out in a rash. Something else is going on here.

I love this! True

For heaven’s sake, how do you know that responses are from the NT?

It could be mcas, which nd people often have. Stress does set it off. I can't believe some of the utterly disgusting responses on here. Neurodivergence comes with a raft of physical difficulties which are difficult to manage and aren't bothered with by the nhs.

I can recommend Propranolol for the anxiety symptoms, Fexofenadine for the histamine and perhaps an SSRI or an SNRI for the general struggling type feelings.

You’re not ‘allergic’ to other people, you’re just doing the classic people pleaser thing of seething silently and blaming other people for ‘making’ you do something you don’t want to do, but aren’t prepared to stop because you can’t cope with the discomfort of saying no. You are now really liking the idea that you are being prevented by this new ‘allergy’ from socialising.

Some harsh responses here op

I feel you - peri has been a nightmare for me! I’d like to move to a small flat on my own and even leave the dog too!

I think u just have to strike a balance somehow going fwd

So don’t go out. But don’t expect to maintain any friendships if you stop bothering to see people and that might not be great for your partner who deserves to enjoy normal relationships with people he cares about.

Sorry OP but it sounds like you've cobbled together a load of fashionable cod health theories into one giant melting pot to explain the fact that you're thin-skinned, solipsistic and socially anxious. Possibly exacerbated by neurodiversity.

It's very fashionable at the moment to talk about "hating people" but attributing a histamine reaction to it is a new one on me and taking pathologising social behaviour to a new level. I just don't buy that there's anything to this, sorry.

I think you should consider the possibility that you're having a mental burnout or overload and possibly get some counselling. Or just don't go out for a bit and chill out. But this doesn't sound terribly plausible.

You could be me! I feel the same but with out the rash/flushing! I definitely feel since my autism diagnosis I’m much kinder to myself but this definitely makes me appear less tolerant to social situations! As I get older I seem to care less!
I turn down a lot of social gatherings, and the ones I go too I feel so drained afterwards!
I also feel I notice everything going on, I usually notice things about other peoples personality or how they treat others much earlier than before others do! I too have taken a dislike to certain people and cut people out, I’m usually spot on with it though!
Do what feels best for you! I find the less I go to, the harder it is when I do go but I do make myself go socialising for dh, closest friends, and my family though I just take alot of down time afterwards!

I wouldn’t go to such gatherings given that they’re making you so unwell. It might be worth talking to your doctor about what’s causing these physical reactions and whether you can do anything about them, they sound quite alarming. 💐

I somehow don’t think anyone will be banging your door down to try and get you to socialise if you do decide to never socialise again

You say this isn't psychosymatic. Like you're thinking a psychosomatic illness is fake in the way its talked about derogatorily on tv and day to day life.
But...
A psychosomatic illness is any physical condition that stress/cortisol can help cause or make worse. Are you on board with the idea of stress contributing to heart disease? Or gut issues? Or hair loss? Or eczema? These are fairly accepted to be true thoughts.
You find social situations more stressful than you used to due to your hormone changes and that increase in cortisol is showing in your body's histamine production/sensitivity/reabsorbtion going haywire.

So you could avoid the situations that cause the issue, or try taking antihistamines for an extended period of time, or try HRT, or try to reduce the level of stress you feel through mental health support/techniques

Exactly. You sound difficult, hostile and cantankerous, OP. It’s better for everyone if you stay home alone.

OP absolutely do not push yourself into these gatherings that are stressing you out to the extent it's badly impacting your health.

The symptoms you describe sound like POTS. While these can happen just from anxiety, with the fainting as well I do think POTS may be likely. I used to have it. Important to keep hydration up and I'd eat a scoop of salt when I felt it coming on at all.

https://www.potsuk.org/managingpots/help-managing-anxiety/

For the sake of others, if not yourself, yes -
it would be wise to stop socialising

I would find it hard to be around someone who doesn't want to talk about themselves, but also doesn't want me to talk about myself, and is screening me for any sign of cattiness, entitlement, ill intent blah blah..
What are we meant to talk about?

It's possible everyone will be relieved if you don't go to these events.
.