AIBU to decline social invitations when masking leaves me physically unwell?

Cool.
Don't go out then.

Right. This is a mature and self aware approach. As opposed to lashing out at people when you feel this resentment.

Histamine reactions are quite common when oestrogen goes out of whack and it might be worth looking at hrt, or adjusting your hrt.

I absolutely get more vulnerable to physical ailments when I have to mask for any length of time. For me, masking is a nervous system activation, as instinctive and beyond my control as flight/fight.

The combo of peri, and the increased awareness that comes with a new diagnosis is a lot op. It’s important to cut yourself large swathes of slack, to be gentle as you learn to navigate this.

I’ve found energy accounting helpful. I film my batteries with deep regulating sensory activity before a challenge. And I schedule rest afterwards, and more deep sensory comfort. If I try to push through, I will pay for it twice over with migraines and illness.

This. It has nothing to do with autism.

I mean, I know the thread will have moved on but I've not read beyond the first response, as it nails it. What a load of old flannel and mumbo jumbo about something many millions of people feel as they get older. Histamine response 🙄 People are a pain in the arse and as you reach and pass middle age, they becomes largely intolerable.

But this isn’t about the OP being autistic. Its about the OP being unpleasant and paranoid.

My partner is autistic and finds long periods of having to socialise difficult, he also needs a lot of time alone to decompress and has to mask. He manages not to imply that everyone else is “catty” or “entitled” because he isn’t constantly the centre of attention and people aren’t falling over themselves to centre him all the time.

Stop making autism and other neurodiversity a get out of jail free to be permanently self centred and melodramatic.

Honestly, I don't know what's going on here but really don't think you are having physical allergic reactions to people being catty or boasting about their expensive holidays. It's more likely that you've developed a low tolerance to the sulphates in wine or you've developed Leaky Gut Syndrome or something. Boring, I know.... not as exciting and on trend as being allergic to people when you are AuDHD, but there we are.

Just stay at home, wallow in some more Instagram self-absorbed over-pathologising of your own personality psychobabble bollocks and leave people you don't like much to socialise without you. They'll probably enjoy it better that way too.

@Thepeopleversusworki think with me, i find it so difficult socialising. I can feel really resentful towards people, at times feeling like I didn’t like them at all, well thats what I thought I was feeling, but I think its more the anxiety the social situation brings for me that I’m resentful off.
It’s definitely got worse for me in times of high stress and burn out.
I wonder if this is how the op feels.

Sounds like mcas or an allergy to alcohol to me. Just because you were fine with alcohol in the past doesn't mean you'll always be fine with it, hormonal changes in peri can exacerbate lots of allergies.

There is no help for autism or treatment to get rid of it. Social difficulties are a key part to diagnosis and all traits need to have a significant impact on life.

To tell disabled people to just get on with their disability or erase it is abelist.

This is someone using the language of ND as a cover story to be deeply unpleasant about everyone in their life.

nailed it. Again

you can’t be happy, seeing shadows everywhere you go. You simply can’t be.

I know many people who mask socially, there are many neurodiverse people in my life and am completely familiar with the concept.

But that’s not what’s happening here. This is someone using the language of ND as a cover story to be deeply unpleasant about everyone in their life.

If neurodiversity is the issue here the OP needs to minimise social interaction or find better coping mechanisms.

But going off on a rant about “hating people” is failing to face or understand a complex issue and seeking to recruit others to turn everyone else into the scapegoat.

I am so tired of these highly toxic “hate people” screeds. If you really hate people, get help with it instead if trying to blame others for it.

Keep digging.

Exactly.

Bloody hell.

You are so thin skinned as to be almost transparent

and prone to extreme hyperbole by the look of it

Sure. The neurodivergent poster needs to be reminded to read things "slowly" and to keep her mouth shut...

Spend a minute re reading the OP. Slowly.

Everything you say is perfectly valid.
It's not what the OP said. Or even close.

Some really unpleasant comments on this thread...

I am neurodivergent OP and I find talking to people, even people I really like, physically and mentally exhausting. I usually can do about an hour then start struggling with getting words out and with following conversations. I struggle with noises and crowds.

I am better when talking ro one or two people but can't socialise in groups.

Often I will also starring having physical symptoms like stomach pain and it makes me incredibly self conscious. Only this week I visited a friend for about an hour, had a lovely chat but on my way to the train felt unwell and ended up being sick in the station bathroom...none of these symptoms crop up when I am at home.

If I go out somewhere for just an hour or so it takes me an entire day to recover.

So I have to limit interactions. It is just the way it is.

Suggesting that the OP is "hard work" for something she might have no control over is truly uncalled for.

It is sad that so many people still don't understand in 2026 that not every human is an extrovert who can conduct social interactions with no issues. Some of us are not naturally built that way and that should be accepted and understood better.

@thanks2 I agree!

Ultimately it’s the OP who lives a pretty shitty life because of an inability to have any kind of insight or understanding so I wouldn’t feel too irritated.

ask for your post to be moved to the Sen boards - people who know people who mask socially will be more compassionate

It is a thing - my daughter’s gastro just diagnosed her with histamine sensitivity after a blood test and people with this do have issues in crowded places. Could be the stress but could also be exposure to lots of smells. Newly diagnosed daughter so just learning to understand it.

It’s not uncommon for some people sensitive to histamine to get a histamine dump in crowded places. Of course decline but take a non drowsy anti histamine before you are in crowded places if you need to go. There are histamine intolerance chat groups - my auadhd family member has it. Unfortunately they also suffer from Autistic burnout.