AIBU to want a friend to stop dropping by unannounced?

What do you mean “he walks in?”

Do you leave your front door unlocked? If so, you only have yourselves to blame really.

Lock your front door and ignore him, even if it’s obvious you are home.

100% this. ^ Why on earth are you tolerating this @Pinkgorilla101 ?????

We can’t say anything to him as he would be absolutely devastated but our deterrents haven’t worked.

WHO CARES? This man is jumping over your gate, walking into your house uninvited and completely ignoring not just hints but you specifically telling him you want him to text first. He clearly does not give a shiny shit about your feelings, why are you bending over backwards to protect his?

Not gonna lie, I think I would be moving.

Has he always done this?

I'm imagining him hopping over the gate in the winter when the path is all icy... and OP and DH waiting there ready with their curling brooms to sweep his pathway clear to their front door... which, tragically, remains resolutely locked to him anyway!

its culturally normal in many countries, YABU to expect English cultural norms in other countries.

I’m picturing a home alone type scenario

But no, OP, YANBU! He needs to stop dropping by unannounced!

Out of interest, does he tend to come over when he knows you usually have your meals?

I can't get over an adult (other than maybe a burglar) jumping over a gate - locked or otherwise. I'd second the spikes on top of it - you could always say you don't like birds perching on there and pooing all around (whether they actually currently do that or not).

You could also 'accidentally' spill a large bucket of manure on the path behind when you're fertilising your flower beds - such that he'd have to be Greg Rutherford to be able to jump over and avoid landing in it.

He's not 'forgetting' to message first; he just believes that when it's convenient for him to come over, that's all that matters. He knows that if he gives you any agency in the matter, you may say it's not convenient right now; but if he treats you and your feelings and plans as a complete irrelevance, what's the problem, eh?

I have a friend who has this issue. Small village where everyone knows everyone and no one kicks their doors. Even I walk in and shout hello - but only when they know I am coming! They too had an old boy (much older than 60s as we are early 60s) who would drop in and stay and stay and stay. In the end she started locking the door as she couldn’t stand it.

I’d go ahead and sunbath naked then go absolutely mad if he jumped the gate and came in. ‘I locked the gate for a reason Bob”

He knows you have sunbathed naked, he wants to catch you doing it again even see you undressed indoors, and that's all there is to it.

It's not rocket science. You either let him continue or risk losing his friendship. But he's not a friend. Is he?

Your DH needs to bring his friend to heel.

At the very least he needs to message this friend and explain that you sometimes like to do the nude sun-bathing thing, so visits need to be arranged.

But, even if you didn't have a front-facing garden and a naturist habit - your DH's mate should respect the fact that you don't just drop in someone just because you feel like it. Your DH needs to turn him away next time he shown uninvited. Andvtge next, and the next until he gets the message.

Either have a grown up conversation with him or get a 6 foot fence.

You should be able to relax and enjoy your home and garden any way you want. Just have an actual conversation.

“Hi X, just wanted to message about the way we manage visits. We’ve asked you to text beforehand because we don’t like to spontaneous visits and would rather agree a time when it suits everyone. With the summer coming up, I’m going to be enjoying my garden and being honest, I enjoy sunbathing without clothes but with you jumping the fence, it means I can’t because we have no privacy. We also just want to be able to enjoy our home in peace. Love having you visit, so from now on, let’s arrange it by text first.”

It would be a crying shame if he were to accidentally catch his nether regions on a new anti-theft spike on the top of your gate…

I would sunbathe naked and then hope he takes the fucking hint

YANBU to dislike it, but YABU not to address it directly. What do you think the good women of MN can do to fix it if you can’t use your words with this friend?

Jumping a very obviously locked gate that wasn't locked before? Is he (clearly) totally oblivious?! Get your DH, as it's his friend, to have serious words.

You'll have to start locking your front door so he can't just walk in. If he then knocks or rings, say straight out that you're busy so he can't come in. A more direct approach is needed.

Your husband needs to be blunt with him, if he doesn’t give notice then he won’t be welcome.

It's good to have friends but jumping over a gate and ignoring 'please could you text us first' is a bit boundary-pushing to say the least. He needs to know he's welcome if invited but otherwise not. Why is it difficult to get this through to him, do you think?