AIBU to want a friend to stop dropping by unannounced?

He’s not worried about offending you, so why are you worried about offending him?

Not many men in 60s still able to jump over locked gates.
If you saying it to him play that angle, if gate locked text us as you could get bad injury jumping over it.

That’s the reason then, I bet if he found himself a partner you wouldn’t see him again or very rarely. Think you’re going to just have to be blunt and tell him to stop calling round so often and unannounced and get stroppy if he doesn’t listen. We had a similar situation years ago when I was still married, exh friend was recently divorced and lonely he kept calling round on an evening to fill his time, after about a year of it and dropping numerous hints I just got a bit stroppy and told him to stop coming round as it was getting on our nerves and interfering with the kids bedtime routine. I felt mean at the time but was sick of it. He stopped straight away and exh met up with him once a month instead. Lo and behold as soon as as he found a new partner my exh didn’t hear from him again for months.

Just tell him straight that you're fed up with his turning up uninvited because it's not always OK!

Just trying (and struggling a bit) to think from his point of view... might he be one of these people who is a bit self-involved and no good at reading clear signals?

Is he somehow thinking that you're telling him to let you know so that he doesn't waste his time coming when you're out, or so that you can make sure you're able to be great hosts, have his favourite drink in or whatever... but he's thinking that it isn't a problem for him if you're out or not fully prepared for him?

Is he single and lonely. ?

Hi friend.

We do not like people coming by unannounced. If you’re planning to come by our house in future please message or call us beforehand and check that it’s convenient. We’d appreciate if you do not just turn up anymore going forward.

Thanks!

OP

FFS why can't you just TELL him to not come around without prior arrangement?
Why do his hurty feelings trump your privacy and boundaries? He doesn't give a shit about your feelings!

Bob we love you but you just turning up whenever you want without checking it's convenient or OK with us is pissing us off.
We've asked you before to check with us first but you're ignoring that request and even jumping over our LOCKED gate now!
Pack it in now or bugger off permanently

You need to be blunt, even if you make up a reason why.

This is what's known as the Wet Lettuce Tax

“You can’t say anything to him because he’d be absolutely devastated “?

Then nothing is going to change. You have to say something.

How high is the gate? Could you make it higher? Does he take a run-up? I just cannot fathom a grown human man leaping determinedly over a locked gate as though he were a cat!

Could you at least have a really unpleasant chore that you 'were just in the middle of' that he could muck in and help you with, now that he's here... every single time?

If HE can be the annoying person who just turns up and lets himself in to your home without any warning to you, why shouldn't YOU be the people who always have him scrubbing the inside of the oven, unblocking your bathroom stench pipe or cleaning out the cat's litter tray to him?

That might have been what first encouraged him.

Now though you need to tell him that if the gate is locked he is not to climb over it. Tell him that you need your privacy and you need him to respect that privacy.

It's really not hard to say that is it.

Why are you so scared to offend him when he doesn't give a crap about your feelings?

So he was turning up when you were naked in the garden?

Yeah this'd be my approach. I might say - hi Johnny how you doing weathers great today -
but just a heads-up, it's so nice that we're planning on a bit of nude sunbathing - so let us know before you leave if you're planning on coming over. That gate is locked for a reason!

Failure to follow this request would result in him getting both an eyeful and an earful.

This man doesn't seem to worry about upsetting or offending you with his behaviour, so I think you need to worry less about offending him. Just have a polite conversation, but a firm one, to set him straight.

With regard to the sunbathing naked, maybe better for him to catch your DH naked than you.

Do you ever drop in on him?

Just send him a polite WhatsApp

hi Johnny how you doing weathers great today - we love having u round but please give us some notice first in case we are busy or have plans - it’s a bit tricky to tell you we are heading out once you have arrived as we don’t want to seem rude