Unreliable daughter - do I put my foot down?

This is a different situation to the OP. From what you say, your mother did very little 'mothering' of you as a child, and farmed you out to her mother to provide the nurturing that you needed (and your Nana stepped up, because she was lacking), so she was hardly going to become an amazing grandmother; I wouldn't have even given her the opportunity to spend a lot of time with my children as she had not been a great mother.
In the OP's case, there is nothing to suggest that she didn't fulfill her role as a loving, nurturing mother, but for her, childcare days are over and she doesn't want to start again. This isn't a stance I would take, but just because she doesn't want to do it doesn't mean she hasn't been a good mother to her child(ren).

Being a new mum and going back to work is hard

You are tired and lots of pressure and you don't remember everything

She needs kindness and space and support

I get she needs to learn, but pick your battles and be kind pls

We've all been there. Did you work when you had young kids?

Yes yes yes… this!! It takes a village they say… well not if your own mother can’t even be arsed. You don’t deserve the name @AyiaNanna I’d change it to Ayificanbearsed

Your poor daughter and what a loss to you.
Happy effing Easter!

Her circus, her monkeys. Not your concern.

You're aiming to teach an adult how to be different? She'll only learn to be different if she wants to be different

My guess is she doesn't want to change therefore she won't

It won't matter what you do, she won't change

Why have children? What was the point? I like helping my kids out because I love them.

Gosh 🙀 my step mum had my daughter from 1 years old until 3, every Monday day, Monday night and a Tuesday. My MIL dropped her working days to have my daughter a Wednesday and a Thursday and my Mum gave up her only day off on a Friday.

We got her 30 hours in Jan 2026 as we are in Wales. My step mum now does a Tuesday day, my MIL does a Wednesday and my Mum still a Friday. The other 2 days she goes to nursery. This post has made me appreciate them more than I already do! We are very lucky.

I am 32 weeks pregnant now with our second and do not expect this type of childcare again with our second. It is a huge commitment for them all doing set days. My mum is still going to do 2 days a week though because she has offered to when I return to work in 2027.

As a child I remember spending all school holidays at my Grandparents, it's just the way it was.

This is so sad to read. Don’t you want to be close to your grandchildren ?!
You reap what you sow. When you’re old and vulnerable and need her and your grandchildren to help you with everyday tasks- they will remember this. And how much you did or didn’t do for them.

What a curmudgeon. She's better off without you.

Just another example of broken family values. Feel very fortunate that I don't have this situation in my life.

Because childcare is different to babysitting? Going out for a day? Spending the day together?

People here have taken no childcare to mean zero time with the child without any proof. Going by her post, it seems that she thinks her daughter is disorganised so this 'can you look after for the week' is going to be a regular thing unless the OP nips it in the bud. I don't get the impression that she didn't want any time with her grandchild. The OP's second post was already her saying she'd prob help after all..

We'd have to know how OP defines not doing any childcare. If I said I wasn't doing any childcare it doesn't mean I wouldn't be there in an emergency, the odd babysitting or caring during an appointment, etc. I'd do those even if I said no childcare, meaning providing granny daycare on a regular basis.

No - it’s not, and I’m not jumping to any conclusions.

On this occasion, the mum happens to be at work.

But the OP specifically says that she doesn’t want to provide any childcare.

Whether the mum is working, or otherwise.

Which is her choice.

But she did say that she was excited to have a grandchild.

Me and other posters have asked her why she was excited to have a grandchild, if she didn’t plan on spending any time with them, outwith what the parents can facilitate. How does she envisage building a relationship with the grandchild she was so excited about, if she doesn’t want to make any effort to see them regularly, or spend any one on one time with them?

It doesn’t make sense.

Why do you keep going on about looking after the grandchildren when mum is at work?

Because that was what the OP's post is about.
I think you're jumping to conclusions about any contact tbh.

You’re excited about your grandchildren but you won’t help with childcare? You sound mean. Let’s hope your daughter doesn’t behave the same way when you are elderly and needing help.

Why do you keep going on about looking after the grandchildren when mum is at work?

I’m not talking about mum being at work. Most children are in nursery, or some kind of paid childcare, and then go on to school.

The OP said that she doesn’t want to provide any childcare.

So her contact with her grandchildren is going to be solely at the mercy of their parent’s schedules, and supervised.

The fact is that most people are far too busy working full time, raising children, running a household, with various other commitments, which doesn’t leave much time for visiting relatives regularly. Certainly not regularly enough to be building any kind of meaningful relationship between them and their child.

No, grandma doesn’t need to make 100% effort, but you understand that she needs to make some kind of effort to build a relationship, right? Like “It’s a nice day, I was thinking of taking Grace to the park for a couple of hours”. Or “Yes, of course Ethan can come here whilst you attend your hospital appointment this afternoon. And you know what, I haven’t seen him in a bit, he can eat dinner with me and I’ll give him a bath. Collect him about 7pm?”

It’s hardly raising your grandchildren, is it.

That depends on your personal situation. My parents worked full time and would have had to take leave to care for my children so I could go to work. My job and income isn't more important than theirs. You can't assume grandmothers or grandfathers are just available whenever needed. In an emergency, sure. This isn't a real emergency, just disorganisation on the part of the DD. If OP is free and willing and able, it would be nice just this once. But she should be clear about her DD needing to get organised better in future.

This is literally my life. As a single parent my mum never helps me out and I literally have no real relationship with her. I am organised with out of school etc but when the odd emergency comes up and my mum doesn’t work and isn’t busy I ask her she says not my problem. I don’t forget it so when she expects me to take her places etc I don’t as it works both ways. Hence relationship breakdown I’m sad about it but if I can’t rely on my mum who can I ? It’s crap.

I think (and hope) we're missing context and a back story here.

Poor Ayia

I guess it depends exactly what is meant by 'no childcare'.
There is a big difference between no regular, weekly childcare (grandparents acting as the nanny/childminder) and no occasional childcare eg a few days during school holidays, helping in emergencies. It sounds as if the OP meant the latter as she has already agreed to cover 2 days. I suspect she said 'no childcare' because her DD has form of this sort of behaviour but I could be wrong.

I agree that grandparents who make no effort at all are likely to have little or no relationship with their GC when they are older and that is what they deserve.

There’s probably a balance to be had. You sound a little judgmental and inflexible. Your DD is probably a little disorganised. I’d bend over backwards to help my DD but it’s also fair if you have other commitments. Totally up to you to dictate that balance though.

Childcare... is loads of care in my mind.
Am pretty sure the OP's intent is not to be relied on childcare. Babysitting, going out for day with the kid are different, fun grandma things which will form a bond without having to be an unpaid childminder.

Well if the grandparents are taking the stance of ‘no childcare ever’ as some do then they’re basically turning down any one-to-one time with their grandchildren, of course there can still be visits etc but naive to think the relationship will be the same, it just won’t be.

Is it an emergency?
Why is it all week?
The daughter has form of being disorganised.
Has the daughter asked to share the care with other members of the family, or even shared with herself and partner? No.
She asked grandma for a week, with 2 days notice.

Am all for helping in emergencies when they are real, mucking in, be part of a team (all hands on deck) or even baby sitting on occasion so the parents can go out for the night and have fun.

But expecting someone to do it all, nah. The OP already updated and said she'd prob help for a couple of days. That's more than fair. Asking for a week isn't. We don't know how old or what health the OP is, but anyone having to look after a very young baby for a week is hard and it's not the grandmas responsibility.