Unreliable daughter - do I put my foot down?

not a nice thing to say? Thats minuscule in comparison to OP who is behaving in not a nice way to behave

I think a lot depends on what you are doing - do you have your own job to go to or are you free?

I think it's fair to not do regular childcare, but ultimately this is a question of do I want to be there to support my daughter when she needs help or not. The principal of it sounds important to you but consider the message you send by saying no on principal.

Why not? With so much importance now days placed on the vacuous, shallow and materialistic, a loving and strong family is a big “flex”.
Even the word “flex” is completely devoid of any true feeling or meaning. “Flex” Showing off, boasting, striving to impress others….
Loving and being loved, being loyal, caring, generous… that’s a good life if you ask me.

Surely you understand the pressures of motherhood, having had children yourself? Wouldn't you even do it occasionally to help her out? I don't know your reason though

Why not? With so much importance now days placed on the vacuous, shallow and materialistic, a loving and strong family is a big “flex”.
Even the word “flex” is completely devoid of any true feeling or meaning. “Flex” Showing off, boasting, striving to impress others….
Loving and being loved, being loyal, caring, generous… that’s a good life if you ask me.

It’s ok to have boundaries. She needs to sort herself out.

That’s sad. It’s your grandchild? I can’t image not wanting to help out my kids and spend time with my grandchildren? If you don’t help
her out it will affect your relationship with your daughter. Why don’t you want to help them/enjoy time with them?

You get your time again to be a parent again this time, with time, experience and love and being able to give them back.

What is your problem? We are up against the wall with childcare going through the roof again.

Give her a break are you still working ? what is the issue here ?

I am indebted to my ma for stepping in - my kids have a very loving relationship with their nanny. Make the most off it.

That old chestnut - "Failure to plan on your part doesn't equate to an emergency on mine."

I'd offer a day to help her and other than that she's going to have to sort something out.

I would say the reason an adult child would help an elderley parent is because they are close and have a good relationship - pushing her child away towards her in laws will not improve the relationship.
And yes, if my parents make me struggle on my own when I need support I wouldn't go out of my way to help them when they are struggling (TBF my parents were an amazing support for my kids - but they loved it and really enjoyed spending time with their grandkids)

Are you saying it was unpredictable that nursery would be closed for a week over Easter?

I struggle to understand this mindset to be honest.
Family is the most important thing in the world, my mother died at 54 and never got to meet her grandchildren. My husband and I didn’t have anyone at all to help and it was hard.
I can’t wait to have grandchildren one day and they’ll have a second home with me.
You go to most other places in the world and families are so much closer, inter generational living is the norm, family support networks are stronger.
With such a selfish and standoffish attitude, don’t be surprised to find yourself alone in your older years.

I haven't read all the answers, or any more of your comments, because your first post has me enraged! Looking after grandchildren and being trusted with them is an incredible honour, and one you should be grateful to be able to do!

I'm confused - you are making a point that this is unreasonable as it is last minute - but you also said you made it clear you don't want to provide ANY childcare - so it isn't the short notice that is the issue, is it?
You are perfectly entitled to say no - don't come back with a post complaining you don't get to spend time with your grandkids and the other grandparents are really close to them

I would have a think. You are under no obligation to help at all, but your title and your OP are full of contempt. Would be good for you to look at that if you hope to have a relationship with your DD going forward.

I get it being last minute is annoying and that should be worked on by her. However, you sound incredibly cold here if I’m being honest. Most grandparents would enjoy spending that time with their grandkids. It’s not like you’re agreeing to a regular weekly arrangement, which would be very different.

I think they being your world is not the flex you think it is.

That is not a nice thing to say. Grandparents should not be seen as automatic on demand free childcare. Whatever your thoughts your comments are not at all nice and are extremely unhelpful. Each family has their own dynamics.

When will she ever learn what? Having children can be unpredictable. Do it or don't do it, but don't pretend it's for her own good.

WOW. Personal choice I guess but I have 8 grandchildren aged from 3 up to 19. They are my world and I have them stay over, take them on holiday or day trips as often as I can. I’d much rather take care of them than them you to child minders or nursery school.

So the ONLY reason an adult child might help an elderly parent who’s suffered a fall and needs emergency help is because that parent offered childcare to young grandchildren?

Are you out of your mind?!

I’ve never come across a culture where this is the norm. I can’t believe it would last that long.
With children like this you really have to worry for the wellbeing of any grandchildren. Apparently all a woman deserves is to procreate, raise children, help raise her daughter’s children. It’s like the Stone Ages!

Don't be surprised when you're old and frail and your DD doesn't help you and you have no relationship at all with your grandchildren.

I cannot imagine being this selfish, although I have a mum who is like this.

My own mum would never help out but I had a MIL who was great when my eldest DD was little. My MIL, the Nan to my two youngest lived too far away to be helpful but she would have, had she lived closer.

I help my DD 4 days a week. We do the afternoon school run when they're in school and I look after them those same 4 days when they're on school holidays. I absolutely cherish the time spent with them and dread their need for me coming to an end.

Ooops look at you not undertstanding sarcasm.

Scarleh for ya.

OP, do you work? Or are you going to be just pottering around next week while your dd struggles? If so, I think that's cruel.

Do I say no and let her sort herself out? - Yes, you could do this. And then when you're old and frail and need a helping hand suddenly and with no notice, maybe your dd will say no and let you sort yourself out.

Fucking hell, you won't help out your own DD with childcare when she needs it? You sound lovely.

I am sure she will bear this in mind when she is choosing your care home one day.