Unreliable daughter - do I put my foot down?

I love this. It's hilarious. Is it fan fiction? Or just total fantasy? Maybe both.

Yes absolutely. I have 2 friends who had grandfather's who did drop off and pick up and 1 day child care. The grandmother in one case was still at work and the second was a divorced man.

O.P. this title is wrong! She's not unreliable for working! It's not as if she's going out to party.

Remind her it will just be this once. You don't want to risk her losing her job. Ask her to have another back up plan organised in case the nursery closes again.
Ultimately your decision, although I think its strange you don't want any wee' grandma 'days with your grandchild.

I wonder what the responses would have been if it was the daughter posting. She’d have in all likelihood been told it was her and her partner’s problem to sort out childcare and there’s no expectation for GP to do it.

I think the daughter sounds ridiculous. No one is saying going back to work is easy but you still have to be organised and get on with it. Fucking up a week in is pathetic.

You don’t sound very excited to me! With a mother like you, your daughter needs good childcare. I wonder, as your grandchildren grow up, if they will decide you’re not worth bothering with too. I hope you don’t need caring for in your older age, it’s unlikely your daughter will want to do it. And, who can blame her!

I saw my Nan for a week or 2 a few times a year as she lived miles away. I saw the other one more often but my bond wasn't with her. I loved my 'visiting Nan' and still get upset when I think of her and she died nearly 40 years ago. I hardly ever think of 'Local Nan'.

(She died nearly 30 years ago in case anyone thinks I'm neglecting my elderly grandparent)

I’m glad you’re not my mother!

How is OP unreliable? She laid out her boundaries from the start?

my mother did the same, I was grateful to have that knowledge and was able to find arrangements. My childrens daycare is not her responsibility

I'm sure she adores them but they're not her responsibility.
She's already had many years of that for her own offspring.
GPs who are more than willing to provide days of childcare can merrily crack on with it. It doesn't commit the rest of them.

I don’t know what’s so sad about it ?

The difficulty here is that if the child is in full time nursery then they are always in nursery. There is no opportunity for grandparents to say “we’ll take them out for a couple of hours” as there used to be. With both parents working full time often the only way for grandparents to have time with the DGC is to take some part in the childcare. It is sad but the reality of modern life.

Saying you will not do any childcare means in practice that you will have very little contact with your grandchild. Is this what you realty wan? I quite understand why you don’t want to be the regular carer but do think you should consider offering to be the emergency back up. I don’t think your daughter is being unreliable either I think she is struggling to make the necessary arrangements which can be very tricky when you first go back to work - cut her some slack.

Hrft but is she ND?
Dies she need some support navigating the return to work.
It is so hard for lots of parents and helping out now might save heartache in the future.

Or just let them struggle....as you wish...

My in-laws refused to have our children, and they lived only a short walk away and didn't work. I'm glad they didn't, and I'm glad they never visited our home, because they were truly awful, and it wasn't until later that my wife told me her father had sexually abused her and her sister when they were young. My mother drove across London to babysit, and maybe you need to consider what sort of relationship you want with your grandchildren, because they grow so fast.

I'd ask her to pay you.. I think you should be paid. Yes you should help either way.

I'm glad you have always told her your not babysitting, kept the communication open. Sorry you feel put on the spot. Hope she doesn't want dinner made after work!

My children see grandparents weekly and one set fortnightly, they all have great relationships and bonds.

Ok, the point still stands then that Op doesn't want to do childcare

This is so sad. But your username gives me some insight as to how you see your role/lifestyle. Having been so grateful to my mother for helping me when my children were small, I won’t hesitate to help my children when/if the time comes. I wouldn’t want to do full time either but surely there’s a balance

You sound so judgemental and unsupportive. She needs help at a really difficult time and your response is to judge her and use it as an opportunity to teach her a lesson?! Jesus.

As an unreliable daughter myself, as life throws you all sorts of chaos, I would be lost without the love and generosity of my VERY old parents..life is completely different than you once knew, there isn't a village, you can't ask neighbours and friends to help as they are working too. I'm stunned that you would even consider throwing this curve ball into your daughter's life when going back to work is hard enough. Come on.

No, I didn't say the ONLY reason one might help an elderly parent is if they'd offered childcare. You have inferred a detail that I did not state. What I do think is that a parent who seems happy to watch their children struggle - in any scenario, not just a childcare emergency - when they could step in to help, is cruel. And that they might expect similar treatment should they too experience an emergency. They might be lucky though - their child might be a bigger person.

I bet you'll be one of those old.people that moans family never visits.

I would do anything for my children and grandchildren. By far my greatest achievement and biggest joy

In order to build a bond with a child you need to spend a lot of time with a child on regular basis. You think seeing a grandchild once in a while during 1h visit is going to form a bond? No

no backstory? Why won’t you support your daughter? why don’t you want to spend time with your grandkids? Bizarre.