Unreliable daughter - do I put my foot down?

Op you dont need a reason NO is NO simple your know ones babysitter.
I mean you have raised your family she can now raise hers.
No child care well shes an adult and a mother she has to sort it out herself, what if you was not around, she would have to deal with it somehow.

Just because we have parents dont mean they owe us chilcare.

They was a thread a while back that asked netters would you are you going to provide child care for your grandkids, guess what alot of netters said NO.

Why did you expect other to put their lives on hold to raise your children that you chose to have

I’d be interested to know how you managed to build that relationship with them.

Did your parents host them, or visit them often?

What reason does she need, apart from not wanting to do it?

You don't need to be childcare to have a good relationship with children people can still visit, go for days out, go on holiday. She just doesn't want to put her life on hold to parent again and I don't blame her

My parents did nothing to help me. Ever. PiL do the absolute bare minimum. Never any sort of childcare.

I still feel resentment years later ☹️ for that reason I think YABU.

"Supposedly she’s only just found out that the nursery is closed." is a rather ungenerous thing to say about your daughter without further context.

Are you certain you were excited about having a grandchild? Being a hands-on grandparent, offering support in the early days yes even when it's a bit short notice, might benefit your relationship with your family in the longer term.

I don't understand what your daughter has done to warrant you deciding to continue to 'teach' her lessons in this manner. Have you forgotten that young babies are quite hard work, meaning you do become forgetful of things sometimes? What bitterness/resentment are you holding on to here?

I was never ever looked after by my DGP’s and had lovely relationships with them.

How much childcare did your parents do for you?

A week with a young child is my idea of fresh hell (as a mother to young children). My MIL gave us the same talk you did, it was helpful tbh. Boundaries were established and when she wants to help with our children she does, not in reverse. She isn’t a paid babysitter. Shes actually great with our family, and we’re lucky to have hers fully respect her decision though.

I can't beleive some people are telling you to stick to your word, it's very sad for your family.

I would this time why she is getting everything sorted but if she asks the following week I'd say no

OP, my main thought on reading your posts is simply "Where is the love?" Both for your daughter and for your grandchildren. So bleak.

Why?

Does she have a DH or DP, surely it for them to sort out?
Why or why does this type of thing become a DGM issue?

This. You sound awful op.

If nursery is closed it means she’s chosen term time only so buckle in for when she asks you to cover all of the school holidays

I’m going to guess this is a reverse..

Are you retired?

If so, and she’s only just returned from maternity leave, I’d give her a break and help out. She’s still finding her feet.

You say you were very excited to have grandchildren. But why? If you don’t plan on doing any kind of childcare, how do you envisage building any kind of relationship with them?

Gosh this thread has made me so incredibly grateful for my mum & dad. They moved across the country so they could be involved grandparents and their house is my DCs second home. And when they get to the stage of needing additional care themselves, they’ll move in with me and the kindness will be repaid; as family should. Setting out from the start you will never provide any childcare whatsoever and leave your daughter to struggle as “a lesson” is a great way to ensure your relationship collapses completely.

Ultimately, it is completely up to you.

But don’t forget, you don’t then get to pick and choose the bits that you do want to do. No running around being nanny dearest when it suits you you don’t want to help their family keep a roof over their head which is your prerogative but you don’t get to call dibs on for example Christmas players, et cetera. You want to be a remote and not central figure that is completely up to you but just be aware that that is what you are doing..

I think there is a huge difference between doing regular childcare to enable someone to work and doing occasional babysitting and helping out now and again. I think some of the comments directed to OP have been harsh as she has clearly tried to be clear about her position- and yet there is an ask from her daughter at very short notice almost as soon as she has returned to work. I am puzzled by the nursery being closed and hope it is not some kind of term time setting which the daughter will not have enough leave to cover in the holidays (have assumed she is not a teacher as needs to work next week).
OP knows her daughter best as clearly sees the risk of setting a precedent owing to her daughter’s lack of planning.
OP - I would maybe offer a day or two this time only if you can (maybe you still work and can’t take leave at short notice?!) - but be really clear that this is a one off in terms of anything regular.

Privilege? Yeah right! I hope you've told her to get lost.