AIBU to be confused by sibling invite?

The more the merrier? You said in your OP your child won’t be as comfortable now! First time you’ve ever let them have a party and you’ve let extras tag on that will make her less comfortable. What is the logic in that?

Why?

This is definitely not normal for a drop and go house party. CFs

This isn't normal for drop off party on the home at all, in my experience. Only normal to ask if sibling can come if parents have to stay, because of childcare. Either it's not clear to parents they can drop off (which is surprising they haven't assumed that at 10 at home), or you have an unusually high percentage of CFs looking for free childcare!

No that's extremely rude. The only time it's ok is if the kids are very little and a parent will have to stay with one child. Then (and only then) it's ok to ask if a sibling can come because parent can't be in two places at once and not everyone has a second parent to have the other kid.

How long have you been on Mumsnet/Earth? There is at least a thread a week about party cheeky-fuckery.

I’d just say sorry no siblings as it’s just birthday child’s friends and a drop and go and we aren’t having any extras!

I’ve sometimes taken my kids siblings to party’s if they are at a soft play and the other 2 Play with each other (not so much now but historically) but NEVER at someone’s house

you are not free childcare!
just say no and be firm about it

They are unreasonable, but so are you for never hosting before

Because if the parent is staying with the child, not everyone has childcare options for their other children available.

I will always expect siblings at my 5 year olds parties …… but it would be weird to some to turn up at my 11 year olds!

I would say "no sorry, its only a handful of DD friends" Its fairly standard at soft play/village hall parties, I am a single parent and if I couldnt take sibling, we couldnt go (when they were at an age where parents stayed"

I would never have minded if it had been a no though!

More the merrier ? You’re messing up your own child’s first ever birthday party by inviting strangers.

If it was 20 kids the siblings would blend in but not with small numbers.

mug.com

Just say no. Why didn’t you say no ?

So the parents fancy an afternoon in the pub?

Just say no, a 13yo probably glued to their phone asking for the wifi password and a 7yo being an annoying 7yo, will completely change the mood of the party. It's friends only. They need to sort out their own childcare.

Just say no

Do 13 year olds need childcare?

I think this is the best way to deal with it.

"Just realised that I assumed that you would be staying with your kids at the party without asking! If you stay with them then its fine for them to come, if not them I am afraid I dont have enough supervision for extras" and when the "Oh S/He will be fine!" inevitably comes you go back with "No I am not happy to supervise extra kids so I am afraid they can't come".

My money is mum and dad want a cheeky afternoon shag.

This is not normal for a drop off party. If a parent needs to stay then it’s not an unusual request but if every parent is dropping off and leaving then it sounds like the parent is looking for free childcare so they can have two hours to themselves. It would not be unreasonable to say no.

I have only brought both my kids if they were both invited and that was usually as the parents either knew my children well or there were other similar aged siblings. I always make it clear they didn’t need to invite other sibling, offer to pay if it’s an activity and buy an extra gift. A friend on my behalf asked for our two youngest to be invited to a party recently and I was mortified and refused the invite as it wasn’t someone we know well so it was super rude to ask in my opinion. It’s so common now for siblings to ask to be invited or even worse for them to tell you that they are bringing siblings without asking! I have had it happen to me many times, but if I have spaces at a party I will invite similar aged siblings that my other child would play with at the party, but they are invited they aren’t asking to attend or just turning up.

My son recently went to a party at a house where a very younger sibling was there, they weren’t invited and him and his friends had never played with this kid. Him and a couple of other friends ended up leaving the party early as the sibling was being rude to him & his friends.

I seem to be in minority here, but I think it’s always cheeky to assume you can bring a sibling, at any age. My daughter has 30 kids in her class, and nearly all have siblings. If everyone assumes they can bring a sibling, that literally doubles the number of guests and the party becomes unworkable. I do appreciate that sometimes it’s really tricky with childcare (we don’t have any family nearby, so I really do get it), but sometimes it’s just because the dad can’t be arsed to step up, or the parents haven’t even considered other options. I don’t think it should be the default to bring siblings and I find it quite thoughtless/ entitled!

Yes I think this is cheeky. I wouldn’t dream of asking especially a small party at someone’s house. And as a drop and go it also means you have more kids to mind and entertain. Or if the parent stays then you feel obliged to feed/entertain them!

If you’re doing a big party like 15-30 children at a soft play, then this is generally considered to be ok. Parents then pay for their extra children to attend. That’s ok as there will be other non party children at a big soft play anyway. You are not in this situation. You’re having a small party at home.

It’s pretty off. They’re just using it as free childcare. As you say it impacts on the dynamics with such a small group and also party bags / food etc. I’d be tempted to send a separate message to both parents and say “Actually on second thoughts I’ve thought about this and discussed it with my daughter, and we would like to restrict the invite to xxx-child’s name-xxx. I hope that this is ok.” You might then find they cannot attend so you’ve got one or two of those invited attending. If your daughter really wanted these two there, then maybe she’d prefer the siblings?

You cant really leave your 4 yo alone at a party.... you generally need to attend too. If you have a 2/3 yo unless you have childcare what can you do - you cant drop and run...
So you decline or bring sibling.

Are the kids being dropped off I assume? You’re not expecting parents to stay?

I think it depends on the general ethos of the school community. It's quite normal where I am for people to accommodate siblings where they can. That said though, my kids and their friends are pretty inclusive and will make friends with anyone. They never once complained at extras around the birthday table. It was a given and very normal throughout the kids' childhoods, so much so that we always made extra party bags and treated them as part of the clan. Obviously if it was Quasar or a football party then we couldn't and nobody asked for siblings to join those.

I always thought it was nice for the kids to get to know older and younger kids, and to help fellow parents out when we could. My son is 16 now but he was helping small ones up inflatable slides at parties, and being chased around community centres up until about 3 years ago. Nobody suffered.