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Original poster

AIBU to be confused by sibling invite?

111 replies

PearLover4 · 04/04/2026 17:46

I have somehow managed to get my child to 10 without having to hold a birthday party (born at Easter so we always go on hol instead!) so next week we are having our first party. It's at the house, small scale, drop off and go as the kids are all old enough. We invited 6 kids from school and out of this, 2 have asked if siblings can join and my mind is blown! Is this normal?

For context, one of these asked siblings is 3 years older, the other 3 years younger! My daughter doesn't know or play with them. They will be strangers at the party to everyone except their sibling, who will then be forced to stick to them. The party girl won't be as comfortable when 2 out of the 8 guests she doesn't know and didn't invite. I now have to not only buy more stuff, but also think about whether the activities I had planned cater for these new kids who I do not know. And if you're wondering why I said yes, I was kind of blindsided and it was put to me as if this was the done thing. Which having spoken to some other friends about this, it does indeed seem to be normal!

This has blown my mind. Never when I was younger would I have thought to be invited to my sisters parties. And as a parent, what goes through the mind when you ask? I know your other child is the most important person in the world to their sibling, but they mean nothing to the rest of the friend group - and if they did, they'd have got an invite! Am I out of touch on this and do I need to change my attitude? I'm doing my best to accommodate them and hope they have fun, before anyone thinks I'm a terrible grouch! I just feel like Lucky's Dad when he realised the rules of Pass the Parcel have changed since he was a kid 😂

OP posts:
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Hohumitsreallyallthereis · 08/04/2026 01:34

“No, siblings aren’t invited. This is a small party for close friends”.

GabriellaFaith · 08/04/2026 01:24

I have 2 girls only a year apart so they always both get invited to parties, and I always invite siblings if only a year or 2 older or younger. I just see it as no one is left out, parents can have a break if childcare is sorted for a few hours, and the favour gets returned.

Chilly80 · 07/04/2026 10:22

A house party is pretty cheeky. A big party in a hall is fine. When you pay per child the parent should pay for the sibling not the host.

EmeraldShamrock000 · 07/04/2026 01:39

There is very little extra costs involved in a house party. It wouldn’t bother me if they came, mind you I wouldn’t fancy entertaining without a bouncy castle or something to keep them occupied.
Party games aren’t enough entertainment these days.

Bonsaibaby · 07/04/2026 01:34

It’s been the norm for single parents before drop and leave age but at 10 I’d specify in the invitation that they should drop their child and go, unless parents are invited and it’s more of a family party feel in which case it’s more understandable to bring siblings.

Saladbrains · 07/04/2026 00:36

PearLover4 · 04/04/2026 17:46

I have somehow managed to get my child to 10 without having to hold a birthday party (born at Easter so we always go on hol instead!) so next week we are having our first party. It's at the house, small scale, drop off and go as the kids are all old enough. We invited 6 kids from school and out of this, 2 have asked if siblings can join and my mind is blown! Is this normal?

For context, one of these asked siblings is 3 years older, the other 3 years younger! My daughter doesn't know or play with them. They will be strangers at the party to everyone except their sibling, who will then be forced to stick to them. The party girl won't be as comfortable when 2 out of the 8 guests she doesn't know and didn't invite. I now have to not only buy more stuff, but also think about whether the activities I had planned cater for these new kids who I do not know. And if you're wondering why I said yes, I was kind of blindsided and it was put to me as if this was the done thing. Which having spoken to some other friends about this, it does indeed seem to be normal!

This has blown my mind. Never when I was younger would I have thought to be invited to my sisters parties. And as a parent, what goes through the mind when you ask? I know your other child is the most important person in the world to their sibling, but they mean nothing to the rest of the friend group - and if they did, they'd have got an invite! Am I out of touch on this and do I need to change my attitude? I'm doing my best to accommodate them and hope they have fun, before anyone thinks I'm a terrible grouch! I just feel like Lucky's Dad when he realised the rules of Pass the Parcel have changed since he was a kid 😂

They asked you because you have a choice.

Exercise it.

wellstopdoingitthen · 05/04/2026 23:24

Yanbu to not like it but YABU to let it happen. Just say “no the party/activity/group isn’t suitable. The party is only for my child’s friends “.

YourJoyousDenimExpert · 05/04/2026 19:46

I think it is outrageous for people to ask if siblings can come when your daughter and her friends are 10 - and it is at your house! Beyond cheeky. I would definitely say you’re very sorry but you can’t accommodate siblings as if you had more space, your daughter would have invited more guests.

Delphiniumandlupins · 05/04/2026 19:19

It's not the "done thing" in polite circles! If it was a party where a parent needed to stay then I can understand why they might ask - no other childcare available so either the whole family comes or nobody. But for a 10 year old, no way. If you're catering for 8 guests at least make them friends of your child. Honestly, I would challenge them and say you have reflected and changed your mind, even if you initially agreed. If the invited child doesn't want to come without her big sister (or a similar reason) then surely the parent would have explained when they replied?

LittleBearPad · 05/04/2026 19:03

It’s just utterly bizarre.

Why would any 13 year old want to go to a 10 year olds party? It’s cheeky fuckery of the highest order. Tell them you’ve changed your mind

eulmh · 05/04/2026 18:59

No it’s not the norm here at all. Siblings only come if invited. At a soft play we maybe bring siblings and pay for them to enter knowing they aren’t included in numbers for party food etc. I think it’s really rude. Unless you’re in a bind and can’t leave a little one at home etc but I’ve only ever asked once and I paid separate and got her separate food etc, can’t think of anything worse than taking my 14 year old to my 10 year old friends’ parties!

LittleBearPad · 05/04/2026 18:56

whitehawthornblossom · 04/04/2026 17:49

Kind of. Soft play parties are the parties of choice round here and people take siblings but pay for them to enter the soft play.

I do think there’s a different ‘done thing’ ranging from school to school and possible even class to class. I mean I wouldn’t do it myself but I probably wouldn’t accept the invite for a home party either.

Did you read the OP?

I don’t understand what soft play has to do with anything

Why wouldn’t you accept an invite for a party at home.

Lollipop81 · 05/04/2026 18:56

Not to a party where the kids are being left no. I take both of mine to parties where we stay (single parent no childcare) but I always ask and pay for the other one. There is absolutely no reason at all for these siblings to be coming, i can’t imagine the children will be thrilled at bringing their siblings along either.

jetlag92 · 05/04/2026 18:54

I've been asked many times and if it's not convenient I just say no.

ByQuaintAzureWasp · 05/04/2026 18:52

I'd contact saud parents abd say sorry, now ive had time to think about it I'd rather tve attendees at the party are just those invited friends (also, it's a party, not a child minding service!)

Charliebear201 · 05/04/2026 18:47

This does seem a bit odd when they are older at a party where you drop your child off and leave. When they are younger and parents need to stay, then its reasonable - especially for single parents. We did this for DD's Birthday (we hired a hall with an entertainer) as we know how hard it can be to juggle when you have other children. Seems like in this case, parents are trying to pull a fast one and get a couple of hours peace 😂

ExtraOnions · 05/04/2026 18:02

You’ve been attending other parties since the start of school (5 years) and never hosted one yourself ??? If I was one of the other parents I’d be wanting my moneys worth as well

Coconutter24 · 05/04/2026 17:50

The party girl won't be as comfortable when 2 out of the 8 guests she doesn't know and didn't invite. I now have to not only buy more stuff, but also think about whether the activities I had planned cater for these new kids who I do not know. And if you're wondering why I said yes, I was kind of blindsided and it was put to me as if this was the done thing. Which having spoken to some other friends about this, it does indeed seem to be normal!

YABU for saying yes when you know it will make the birthday girl uncomfortable. Does the parent know it’s a drop of party? It’s not normal to ask for siblings to also be dropped off to a small gathering at someone’s home. I would of let them know the party is a drop off so they won’t need to worry about finding childcare for the siblings, if they then were being a complete CF and asked if they could attend anyway I’d say no due to space that’s why I’ve only invited 6 children

disturbia · 05/04/2026 17:43

You haven't had a party for 10 years so it will be new to you but a classic way of dumping uninvited children on you...it happens all the time

Shinyandnew1 · 05/04/2026 11:42

Hmmm, that is CF behaviour and they are using you for childcare. Why would a 13 year need or want this?!

Go back to them and say they caught you on the hop and it’s not going to work. People bring siblings to soft play when they’ve got nobody else to look after them, this is just giving the mum a few hours child-free!

Acommonreader · 05/04/2026 11:30

PearLover4 · 04/04/2026 18:02

My mind is blown because I'm just baffled as to when this became a thing and why! If I got invited to a work mates wedding, I wouldn't think to ask if my best mate can come to. This isn't done under any other circumstance is it, and it never used to be done and now it's clearly the done thing, so sorry lol but I am blown over by it. There is no harm in them asking - or coming! - I'm just baffled as to WHY they asked and why on earth they'd think their child that doesn't know the party girl would be included?

Show quote history

At least they asked! In my experience they just turn up which is why I always do about 5 extra party bags. Also extra cake as parents have frequently asked for additional slices to take home to other children .
I’ve even had an uninvited child ask me where their special food was , they needed gluten free!

StationJack · 05/04/2026 10:51

Just say 'Invitees only. No siblings.'

thornbury · 05/04/2026 10:50

I voted YABU because you said yes!

Liveshives · 05/04/2026 10:42

Only CF's ask.
I wouldn't entertain this.
They are using you for childcare.

Very different from them going to a soft play centre and paying for them, because it suits them.

Only rude people do this.
I would go back and say upon reflection this doesn't work for you and you will understand if X can't make it.

Violetparis · 05/04/2026 10:40

Even if the kids were 4 or 5 I'd say no to uninvited siblings to a party in my house.

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