Aibu to not insist DS and his friend come home?

You have said you are in France and it is a different culture, but as a British mother, no way would my 15 year old be out till 1am, 10pm would have been curfew if not a school night , and I most likely would go and collect my child, I have boys and stats show teenage boys are most likely to be victims of violent crime. I want to know where they are and how they are getting home. If I was the mother of the friend and my child was not at your house when I thought he would be I would want a phone call no matter what time of night .

I’m really not. How do you think OP has lied though? The understanding was that both kids were sleeping at OPs. Plans changed in the middle of the night. I wouldn’t like to be woken up just to be told my teen is sleeping at A’s house and not OP’s. I can honestly not see what difference that would make for me. They are all friends.

Now you are just tying yourself up in knots, to prove the op didn't "deceive" a boys parent, to i don't know why tbh probably so she didn't upset her son.

I think the majority of us replying are British. No idea why its different in France but i would be absolutely fuming if you didnt 'police' both boys being home on time when they were meant to be staying at yours.

Plus 1am also sounds ridiculous to be roaming the streets at any age - let alone 15?!

OP hasn’t lied to the other parent, she just hasn’t given a running account of the kids whereabouts in the middle of the night. I don’t see the issue of letting them do what they want when what they want is to sleep at A’s house rather than sleep at OP’s. V isn’t sleeping at home either way so it makes no difference to V’s mum. Why would anyone want to force them to walk back in the middle of the night just out of principle?

I don't think it matters what time they are home necessarily, though my experience of French parenting is not like you suggest. Kids might be given more freedom generally but they are absolutely expected to follow rules when they are set.

If you give them a time to be home and they refuse/ignore then that's disrespectful. Is that what happened? Or did they ask for an extension of the curfew before that time?

I see there might a cultural difference but I still think the op is just allowing her son to do what he likes and had lied to the other parent to protect her son, i don't think a 15 year should get the final say which is what happened here. Fwiw I think the son did ignore his mother the "agreed" curfew was 1 an he ignored this and stayed out anyway.

If it’s totally different in France (as you keep saying) then why are you posting asking what to do about it all on a predominantly English chat?
To then just defend your actions when everyone says they wouldn’t let a 15 yr old do what they want etc.

Well yes. If you post on a site that's mostly British parents and you live in France where there's different norms then you'd know more than us. I'm Welsh and I'd expect to know where my dd spends each night.

To be fair OP, you're posting in English to people reading in English who will assume you are in an English speaking country. Back peddling with French cultural differences to justify your position when you got push back is lame. That should have been stated in your fist post. It seems in France this is a non issue, so why post in the first place?.

I understand giving children freedom as they get older, but this sounds a bit too free. At 15, you should know where he is and when he's coming home. If a friend is staying with you, this should be confirmed. And even though it's the school holidays but 1am?

If you didn’t have doubts about your decision, you wouldn’t have posted in here. That should have given you your answer.

It all depends on the child and the context. If he was wayward and the OP didn't know the people they were staying with then that would be a worry.

But, they're at a close friend's place, the DS has been in touch with his mum so she knows exactly where he is, and THEY'RE IN FRANCE and the OP has explained this level of independence is normal.

Stop getting your knickers in a twist people!

Goodness, at 15, I was going to pubs and all night parties, drinking copious amounts of booze and taking LSD and mushrooms and lying to my parents about where I was and what I was doing. As were many, many teenagers in the 90s. I'm not advocating that, but this sounds positively wholesome - the DS and his mum trust each other and he sounds sensible with a nice group of friends. Well done, OP, you must be doing something right!

Depends on why I had to be home I guess. But OPs child hasn’t ignored her, they were in communication and she knew where they were and that they can sleep there instead. Surely it’s safer for them to stay where they are than walk home if safety is an issue.

If I was you I would have got V to message his mum and say that plans have changed.

If it was my daughter, I'd expect her to let me know if there had been a change of plan and ask my permission not leave it up to another parent to tell me.

1am?! Holy shit, I knew some parents were different but that honestly blows my mind. FIFTEEN?!

Agreed. At 15 this blows my mind. A 1am return?! Which he only 'kind of' agreed to? And then ignored?

If your parents asked you to be home for x time would you have ignored them ?

It’s not that deep just bell your sin to make sure his mate messages his mother to tell her where he is

A 1am curfew for a 15 year old??!! WTAF!

It’s not crappy parenting, it’s culturally different to how it is in the UK. Kids in other parts of Europe aren’t as controlled. I grew up in Sweden and never had a curfew, neither did my friends. We were out all hours as teens, stayed over at each other’s from a very young age (like 3/4), were allowed to go on public transport by ourselves from about 8. My kids have also had a lot of freedom but it’s not because I couldn’t be bothered to parent them, I could see the value in growing up being less controlled and therefore less anxious.

I was a pretty laid back parent myself but I wouldn't have had a 15 year old out in the middle of the night without knowing where they were going to sleep. He's a child and children need boundaries. And yes the other parent has a right to know where their child is sleeping too. You should tell them their child isn't at yours and they can do with that information what they will.

YA 100% BU.

But you’re going to keep defending your crappy parenting so 🤷‍♀️