So angry at husband and cannot let it go

What is the real reason you are staying with him? Don’t use your kids as an excuse for staying with him. You have been incompatible for four years. He ogles young men ( how old is he?) His father asked you if he’s gay. There’s been sexual roughness in your relationship. I mean really, why are you with him? It’s your choice if you stay with him for another 4 seconds let alone another 4 years. Move on. Life is too short!

I think there is something else going on, maybe he used your weight as an excuse (which is very shitty) for something else he didn’t want to discuss?

if you are with someone you love, then putting on weight is not going to stop you wanting to have sex with them. Even when I was heavily pregnant and at my heaviest postpartum which I felt disgusting, my other half still wanted to have sex and said I was beautiful.

I really think you need a serious sit down and talk, to not have sex for 4 years is absolutely crazy and rings huge alarms bells. There is definitely more to this and he needs to be honest so you can revaluate the marriage and make your choices.

YANU to still be married.

He sounds awful. Get rid. You are worth so much more than this and so are your kids.

My first thought reading that is that he’s probably a porn addict and (horrible to say) into children rather than being gay. Just based on the body type he seems to like and your comments about him looking at teenagers. Can you see his internet history?

YANBU to be angry with him.

YABU to expect things to continue as they are, with you "having nothing more to do with him" but still married. Either split up or try to mend your relationship.

From my own experience I’d say that the resentment will never go. You can choose to stay for your own reasons, or go, but I don’t think it will ever change.

And? He is abusive.

Do you want your kids to grow up thinking your relationship is normal???

Would you want your own children to settle with a relationship like that? Because that's what you are teaching them.

So he also raped you?

If all is as you say it is then YANBU but what is your solution?

Like many people in emotionally abusive relationships, you have internalised a lot of the abuse, but there is still a little part of you that knows you should be angry.

Good. That is the part of you that is protecting yourself. Hold on to that.

Now find a counsellor (for yourself). You mention therapy in your post, but there is clearly still a lot to work through. Rebuild your self-esteem until you can see clearly what you want to do next.

Sexual roughness? Sounds like rape.

Stop wasting your life on this man. He’s nasty.

I left a sexless marriage I had no kids (it was that sexless) The damage it did to my self esteem was immense. It was a difficult decision to make and life after was tough for a while but life is too short to make yourself continually miserable.

It’s not the 1950s, no need for this stay miserable for the kids.

Sorry but staying together for the children is a poor excuse. All you are doing is teaching them that a dysfunctional marriage is normal and they’ll take that into their own relationships as they grow up.
Why not show them that their mum is a strong woman who didn’t put up with shit and did something about it? You’ll all be much happier.
As a child of divorce believe me, you think you are hiding things from the children and all is well, but they’ll know.

Yes, you are being unreasonable to remain with a man when you clearly utterly despise each other, and have a miserable, unhappy marriage.

I never understand why people post 'my husband is a horrible monster and I hate everything about him - but I'm not thinking about leaving him, I just want to complain about how awful our marriage is'. Erm...okay?

I understand why it’s hard to leave when children are involved and when your lives are deeply enmeshed in every way. Guilting people about the environment for the children is not helpful.

OP it sounds absolutely awful. Really wish you all the best.

I'm going to assume you're from somewhere where separation and divorce are frowned upon, because at least here in the UK, plenty of people separate from their spouses, despite having children together.

Whatever culture you're from where having kids means you're expected to stay in an abusive marriage, nevertheless you need to figure out how to get away from him. Imagine spending the rest of your life with this vile abusive creep.

Why does having children mean that you have to stay with a total arsewipe?

Why are you still with your husband if you can't stand him?

Do you think the atmosphere of dislike between the two of you is a good environment to bring your children up in?

Is there any reason you can't leave him or ask him to leave because your marriage sounds hellish.

I think you need to separate . If your love and his love are only based on size then it’s not even love . Sorry but nobody stops having sex for a going a size up where they are ina heathy relationship. Your issue is not sizes , it’s lack of true love for each other .

None of what you've said is unreasonable. It sounds like he doesn't deserve you.

If you are bothered by a sexless marriage, and you clearly are, why stay?
There are worse things for children than divorce.

You have many years ahead of you, ditch him and move on.

Oh great you want your children to grow up in a stressful environment. you've already said you think you know the answer so again, why is he still your husband?

What do you get out of this marriage?

What do your children get out of seeing their parents so unhappy with each other ?