So angry at husband and cannot let it go

It sounds toxic. Split up. Kids aren’t a good enough reason to keep living in this shitshow. Plenty of people split up and successfully raise kids.

The other issues in our marriage are verbal abuse, an episode of sexual roughness (him pushing past consent when I said to stop because it hurt), general disrespect and him having long periods of dark low mood.

This poor man? That sounds like marital rape to me. Do you normally feel sorry for rapists?

I mean really it’s over and was over years ago - his behaviour is abusive and toxic.

NRFT But he prefered you sexually when you were smaller surely a 6 or 8 is more a young teen size ?
Def divorcing for that alone, the kids will survive as will you as a single mum, so many of us on here have been through it

ok thanks - I didn't mean to hijack I just didn't know if I needed to be aware for protection if that makes sense - sorry OP and others

We’re responding to the OP’s specific questions and updates. She’s said he’s been rough with her sexually as well and hasn’t respected her consent.

OP this is a teachable moment. Read your words back and listen to yourself. Use your healthy and valid anger as a catalyst for change. You are grieving the loss of sex and connection with someone who loves and accepts you, it's extremely understandable. You feel judged unfairly and now that has turned into anger and resentment towards your husband. Your children will feel this emminate from you, it won't serve any of you to endure. He may well be gay/bi/ or just only find young skinny women attractive but the fact is he's not communicating his feelings openly with you. Put your oxygen mask on and find a life that's good for you.

It sounds like your self esteem is already rock bottom putting up with how he treats you. Leave him and regain your strength and self esteem - it’s not going to happen while you’re with him. The issue isn’t you, it’s him.

Your kids are not benefitting from growing up in a household with a loveless marriage.

You know this isn’t right you need to separate regardless of the children. Life is too short to be with someone who makes you feel shit. You deserve to be happy.

As others said, he likes women very small and or young? Porn addicted paedo. Are your kids ok?
Also, leave him asap.

Why put up with this? Your children will sense that you are not happy. All your lives will be better if you divorce.

Um, I'm a size 6-8 and now I feel like this is something I should be ashamed of, based on these comments comparing this sizing to kids sizes......do I need to go binge eat now or something to protect myself from men who like petite women?

Lack of interest unless you were on the lower side of average weight and attraction to only 18-20 year olds as well as forcing you to be sexual when he wanted it, sounds like he could have a porn addiction.

Poor man??? Really???

How grim. Life is too short. You deserve happiness and mind blowing sex!

100% this. There was a man in my social circles who acted like this towards all his girlfriends, fancied girls with short hair who looked like teenage boys, was heavily into babysitter porn (babysitters are teenagers etc) and school girl porn - he must have had something dodgy on his computer. I reported him to the police for chatting up sixth formers when he was 40.
.

Both of you want different things in life. Nothing wrong with that. Time moves on, we change. For whatever reason he doesn’t fancy you, and you now don’t find him attractive. Either way both of you are not thriving. Children deserve parents that are happy and if that means splitting, work towards that. Both of you are simply surviving life, not thriving. Do you want this to be your life?

Staying with this man will be emotionally damaging your children whether you believe so or not.
No one has to stay together “because we have two children” in 2026 - what’s the real reason?
Yes it takes strength and massive effort to go it alone but ultimately you, and more importantly your kids, will be happier for it.

You don’t mention the age of your children, however they will pick up on the unhealthy relationship you and their father have. And it’s absolutely no reason to stay with him. Ask him to leave and rebuild your life and your self esteem. You’re still young enough to have a whole new life!

When you don't want them touching you it's game over OP. You're wasting your life.

If you want to stay with him then you'll have to make your peace with it.

You've had a long and unsatisfactory relationship with this man, that has included a lot of abuse from him. You do not have to spend the rest of your life in this situation. After such a long time, it may seem really hard to leave, but it will be worth it. Take control back over your life. You're allowed to find happiness.

Are you from a culture where divorce is difficult?

This is unsalvageable. See a solicitor. Kids or not, you can’t stay with someone you hate like this for any reason. The weight is a distraction here. You’ve mentioned abuse, rape, repulsion, loathing. None of this is okay in a family home whether you’re size 6 or BMI 100.

What are your circumstances in regard to dc, your own financial position and prospects, the house, etc?

If you are an unwitting beard, the gaslighting is completely destabilising, and the need for truth so intense it makes it impossible to think straight. It’s an incredibly cruel thing to do another person.

Sometimes women have every reason to suspect their dh has had an affair, but because they can’t absolutely prove it, and he denies it, they don’t walk away even though the marriage is in tatters.

This is similar - and what it boils down to is that you end up clinging to the hope that you’re actually mad.

The thing is that you can just leave. You don’t have to stay in an unhappy relationship. Being unhappy is enough reason to leave, and leaving can be the start of regaining some mental equilibrium.

My advice is that you set aside the questions about his sexuality and focus for a while on the practicalities. Get your ducks in a row - you don’t have to act but if you know what’s what, it will give you some solid ground under your feet.

Because skinny flat chested women can resemble the physique of a teenage boy.