Advice for DSS re access to baby post breakup...

Having two equal parents is in every baby's best interests (assuming that both parents are good parents of course!) and it's far easier to establish that now than later on when the baby is more aware/seperation anxiety has set in etc.

Going straight in with 50/50 is obviously not going to be agreed any time soon, and is clearly not in the child’s best interests. If it went to court it would be clear he is only considering himself and not his child.

He needs to be rational and realistic otherwise there’s no way he and ex can start building an amicable co parenting relationship.

Why does he have to live an hour away? If it’s due to costs, but he has support from parents and grandparents can they help financially in the short term to enable him to live closer or at least learn to drive and buy/insure a car?

At that age he should be seeing baby little and often, and not for a longer period infrequently.

He needs to pay child maintenance and work out what it would cost to have his child 50/50. Give ex CMS plus the difference between what he is currently spending on child and what he would be spending is 50/50. That will help keep things amicable.

Ideally contact should he drafted to increase in increments, with the eventual goal of working up to 50/50 once the child is old enough.

Honestly, I don’t think you can take a 4 month old away from its mum for more than an hour or so.

I wouldn't be happy for my 4 month old to be away overnight. 4th trimester only just finished. At 4 months they can be aged in weeks - 16 weeks is tiny. He needs to arrange daytime visits. No need to write formal letters or court applications, it's common sense.

Yes, agreed. If this was the mother posting, she’d be told that the father was completely unreasonable to be asking for 50:50 (as another poster suggested) at this age.

These arrangements may be fine for an older child with a loving and involved father. It is to your stepson's credit that he has been such an involved father. However, can he not understand that every other weekend (or indeed every 3rd weekend) including overnights is not in the best interests of a young baby to be separated from the primary caregiver (which is the mother, like it or not, even if a baby is not breast fed). Baby is too young to understand what is happening and may likely be distressed.

What would be in the baby's best interests is frequent short contacts, maybe several times a week. Living an hour away and not driving obviously makes this tricky, so your DSS needs to get driving or move closer ASAP.

He is now an adult and a parent, not a little boy so he needs to act like it. He needs to live closer to the baby. Baby is too young to be away from Mum for long periods if Mum isn't comfortable. A court would advise little and often for a prolonged period before pushing overnights.

Has he sorted maintenance yet? If not, he should look up the cms calculator for his income, work out how much he should pay and then start sending her the money.

He should also sort out everything that he needs to look after the baby for wherever he is living. It’s reasonable to ask her to send the pram and car seat with baby if they bought them together, but he needs his own bottles, wipes, cot, formula etc.

Id suggest that he accepts the every third weekend that she has proposed but asks if he can also have a couple of hours, near her, a couple of times a week. So, he would pick baby up, go for a walk/coffee etc and then bring baby home. Little and often will be best at this age, and will also give her a regular break.

He should get legal advice and learn to drive.

Also, he now lives over an hour away. He should find a place nearer to the baby. It doesn't matter if the baby is bottle fed the baby is still super young.

I wouldn't want my kid being that far away that young.

He could, but it will be much better for all of them if he can come to a sensible agreement with the mother without involving court, which is stressful, adversarial and rarely achieved exactly what either party wants.

Best to try to reason with her … write to her , it’s non threatening and you have a record.
Hi there
I wanted to talk about contact with [baby’s name]. I’m really concerned that reducing time to every three weeks isn’t enough for me to build and maintain a strong bond with them, especially at such a young age.
I’ve been involved since birth and I want to continue being a consistent and active parent in their life. I don’t think it’s in [baby’s name]’s best interests for contact to be so limited.
I’d like us to agree a regular and predictable arrangement. I think returning to every other weekend from Saturday morning to Sunday evening would be a good starting point, and I’m also open to adding some time during the week where possible.
I understand things have changed with me moving, but I’m committed to making travel work and making sure I’m there for [baby’s name].
I’d really prefer for us to sort this between ourselves if we can. If we’re struggling to agree, I’m happy to look at mediation so we can find something that works for both of us and, most importantly, for [baby’s name].
Let me know your thoughts

if this fails then seek mediation, he’d have to try that before court involved anyway

keep everything focused on the best interests of (baby name)

also due to distance your dss needs to make sure he keeps his commitments to his baby. It’s not about the ex.

Understandable he has had to move home in the immediate aftermath but why does he have to stay living an hour away? Where is his job?

He should get legal advice around a Child Arrangement Order

He needs to live near his baby to be able to see the baby frequently. Then request more access and go from there. But living an hour away and not driving doesn’t give him a chance

He needs to start working on finding a place closer to the baby. Learning to drive (if he can) is probably also a good idea.

He should ask for 50/50 access to the baby and negotiate from there. If she won't budge then he'll need a court order.