Advice for DSS re access to baby post breakup...

Why an hour away? How is baby getting to him? Is he expecting her to bring baby to him?

Given the young age of the baby, I don’t think it’s reasonable to expect overnight visits. The baby may well find it distressing to suddenly be away from their mother for a prolonged period of time.

i think they need to come to an arrangement that doesn’t involve long periods or overnights away and to do that, he needs to live closer. Shorter, more frequent visits are more practical for such a young baby.

I think honestly what he needs to be considering is what's best for baby. Especially since they are still very, very young. I wouldn't be suggesting 50/50 contact for a child of that age, but EOW or a full day once a week is very realistic.

He needs to be looking at renting somewhere closer by than he currently is and structuring his life around where his child is and being stable. As the child gets older he'll be able to request more contact increasing to 50/50 depending on what is best for the child.

Of course it's important he maintains a relationship with his child but I think overnights at this age are unrealistic as kids of that age need structure around sleep etc. I'd also be thinking about the fact his ex is only 4 months post partum and is now dealing with a break up and potentially having reduced access to her child. I know I couldn't have coped what that at 4 months pp so I think he also needs to be considering what's in the best interests of the mother of his child and the primary care giver. So travelling a few times a week to see the child, take them out and do bedtime etc is probably the best option for all right now. I'd be trying to explain this to him and make sure he's not only seeing his own interests in this.

He needs to move much closer to his baby and follow this

https://www.gov.uk/looking-after-children-divorce/apply-for-court-order

Little and often visits are much better for their bond and for baby’s wellbeing then going a long time without seeing baby and then taking baby away from familiar home and main caregiver for a long time

I would strongly advise against court while baby is so little as stressing the mother out when it’s so young is worse for a baby then not seeing a dad as much - post natal depression in mum places baby at a huge risk

Advice while he lives far away is to ask work for compressed hours and get at least an afternoon or morning off midweek. Take baby out locally to a children’s activity like soft play or children’s library for that afternoon. So he always has Wednesday as daddy day. It would be better if he does a shift every Saturday or Sunday for now rather than all weekend every other weekend so that baby isn’t away from usual home and mum for too long and baby sees its dad more frequently.

is mum comfortable doing visits in her home? I don’t think he should push to take baby away from its home over an hour away until it’s a few months older.

”The child has 2 parents with equal rights and responsibilities” yes and it’s about the child and what is in their best interests, not the parent. Fairness to either one of the parents simply doesn’t come into it.

Presumably DSS is working, and ex is on maternity leave for starters. It’s unlikely the child is better off with dad and going to childcare daily, than being at home cared for by their mum.

If there genuinely is some sort of exceptional circumstances that means DSS should be the primary carer it’s concerning that he has left his baby in the care of the mother and is not doing more to ensure he has custody.

Yes. You wont change my mind. I think the contact should be formalised and legal for everyone's sake. You sre allowed to disagree and advise the OP as much. I don't care what you think. We are all here to give our views.

Again, do you have direct experience of the family court?

Yes I still think it is the best idea to follow their recommended process. That is through life experience of long term co-parenting arrangements. I advise the dad in this situation to pursue formal legal channels.

One hour isn’t that far - I commute more than that each day!!
He needs to learn to drive . This will make visitation so much easier !
is he working ?
Avoid courts of you can - it just adds fuel to the fire , drags on for ages and causes more conflict between the parents .

Do you have any experience of the family court?

The family court is not there to be treated like the grown up in the situation deciding what's best for a child. The parents should be able to do that. You can't even apply to court without mediation first because the courts are trying to push back on parents misusing the process when they can work out arrangements themselves. If you do apply to court there are huge delays, often costs, hearings, intrusive assessments and the process can take up to a year or more in many cases. It's awful and should never be entered into unless communication has completely broken down.

I think it makes things easier and clearer with someone there to be objective about what is best for the baby. I think it's best to have it formalised early on.

This is absolute garbage
You realise DSS stands for dear step son not department of social services!?
Even if it did, it would still be garbage

This is really bad advice. Why do you think he should apply to court? They are at the very beginning of working out coparenting. Do you have any experience of the family court? It's a terrible process and should be avoided where possible. Applying to court should always be a last resort where discussion has completely failed.

DDS would be much better off visiting the baby several times a week rather than requesting a full weekend EOW. Assuming that DSS is going to take the baby over an hour away to his parents home, this really is a big ask for a new mother. DSS needs to learn to drive and start acting like a dad - putting his child first - instead of making overnight demands.

I’d also be asking why DSS and girlfriend split up. Was he really as hands on a dad as he’d like you to believe? Can he be trusted to look after a baby overnight? Will he be looking after the baby or would he be leaving the caring to the grandparents? Does he actually know how to care for a baby?

The fact that DDS is talking about removing such a young baby from its mother for such a long period of time isn’t good. As his parents surely you should be explaining why it’s not so simple as ‘it’s ok because the baby is bottle fed’.

Realistically little and often will be best for a baby this young with overnights not happening for a while yet. What is his plan moving forward in regards to living near his child and facilitating meaningful contact?

Has to work to pay CM.

What does an ideal contact schedule look like from his perspective OP, and how would he facilitate that? Given that he doesn't drive.

Does he have a plan on how he is going to move closer? Is he still supporting his child by paying half the rent on the property his child is living and therefore cannot afford to pay another set of rent?

The baby is bottle fed so why on earth not? The child has 2 parents with equal rights and responsibility for their child!

As DSS are involved it might be in the child's best interest to be 100% with the Father, and the Mother can have visitation. You don't know the background and you're being unfair to the Father and the child.

Maybe what he can afford. Some places are a lot more pricey than others.

OP, he should take it all through the courts formally.

Would the baby’s mum allow him to spend time with the child at her house? So that they don’t need to be separated with the baby so young. Why does he need to move an hour away? Does he work?

This

Loads of women go back to work when their baby is this age, admittedly not too many in the UK, but elsewhere it's quite common. It's absolute nonsense that a bottle fed four month old can't be away from it's mother for more than an hour!