Advice for DSS re access to baby post breakup...

https://www.justice.gov.uk/courts/procedure-rules/family/practice_directions/pd_part_12b
https://www.justice.gov.uk/courts/procedure-rules/family/parts/part_03
https://www.judiciary.uk/about-the-judiciary/our-justice-system/jurisdictions/family-jurisdiction/

please take a look at these links, practice directions for the family court and this speech by the president of the family division on this exact subject

https://www.judiciary.uk/speech-by-the-president-of-the-family-division-when-families-fall-apart-do-they-fall-too-easily-into-court/

private family law proceedings should be avoided at all costs where possible. This is explicitly stated in recent family law protocol and guidance. Your advice is simply bad.

It should if the parents can't agree on what is best for the child and their long-term relationships with their parents.

Short and often would be much better for the baby at that age
One day every weekend would be better than a whole weekend every other weekend

Does he work? Can he rent a place near her?

It's really not
I have been involved professionally in dozens of private proceedings. There is nothing adult about asking daddy a judge to decide how you manage your parenting arrangements. It's not what family court is for or should be for.

I think handling it through courts where you make a formal commitment in front of a judge is quite grown up.

No, she proposed a change. He now needs to negotiate with her around finding a middle point between what she proposed and what he's proposing. Honestly, suggesting they need mediation is so premature and so infantilising. This is an adult man who is going to have to communicate with this woman for 16 plus years. Writing off any chance of this when they are both in the trenches of a very young baby and in the aftermath of a recent split when emotions are raw is so misguided.

The comments here are just mean, snide comments about i’m sure he’s smashing, always the go to that the man is wrong.
Can nobody read ? the babies mum suggested overnight and yes a baby can be away from their mum, he’s obviously moved home as not everyone can fund a new home at the drop of a hat.
OP he needs to try and have a calm conversation with her and try and reach an agreement and going forward a court order will keep it right as she has already changed her mind, this happened to my friend; his ex changed access every few weeks and if he couldn’t get time off/swap a shift the kids were told he let them down, just about destroyed his MH, even now as older teens/young adults they trot out utter lies they’ve been fed by their mum. He did eventually get court ordered access, it keeps everyone right.

This

Not RTFT but this situation is not about what is in the interests of DSS but about what's in the interests of the baby.

DSS sounds like a caring dad. It is in the baby's best interests to see him and develop a bond with him. It is not in the baby's best interests to be removed from the mother for a period of 36 hours every fortnight not in the baby's best interests to be carted off in the car to satisfy the father and his living arrangements.

DSS is a dad now. He needs to find a job and move nearer to his child so he can play an active and regular part in the baby's life.

I cannot possibly condone removing a tiny baby from the mother for full weekends. It's not right for baby or for mum. DSS needs to find a way to be there for his baby and develop a meaningful relationship which works for the child so that he can then get a regular contact arrangement in place as the child grows up.

Yes but first he should ask to do mediation with baby's mum.

Courts wont accept goung straight to this without having tried mediation snd they will provide a voucher to cover initial mediation sessions thrn its often done on a sliding scale by income.

When I did it we only had one mediation session and ex showed that he wasnt going to take it seriously so they then issued s certificate saying it needed court. Which I then had to show when I applied for c100 chokd arrangements.

This is a recent break up. You DSS must communice in email, text, politely focusing on best interests of baby at all times. No mud slinging, no personal atta ks keep it all child focused.

Offer his availability and say I can be flexible what works for the baby's routine and mum. Basically be super nice snd super child focused.

If communication is difficult you can suggest they use one of the court approved coparenting apps.

All of this will work in his favour.

Once every three weeks is not enough it needs to be little snd often something like 2 or 3 weekday sessions even if only short ie 3 hours, and one whole day each weekend. Every other weekend etc is not really suitable for a little baby who needs little and often contact.

What are both parents doing job wise? To try and work around that?

If DSS can facilitate 50 50 thrn thats great but he needs to move snd be closer for it to work well.

What do you mean the 'stepsons credit?'

mums dont get credit or a noble prize award for being a mum. But a dad gets 'credit' for simply being in involved dad? No wonder there's so many man children about. He needs to drive as long as he can medically and he needs a place near the baby. Bottle feeding is irrelevant the bag is barely out of the newborn stage.

Please don't start giving grown men 'credit' for simply doing what they should be doing. It puts them on a pedestal when we have enough validated and enabled men from parents (manly mums) babying them.

It does because she reneged on their original agreement.

I don't think they have completely exhausted it. It is the step parent asking for advice, so my advice to them would be to stop babying the step son, encourage him to act like a 24 year old man rather than a toddler fighting over a toy.

It really doesn't. They are at the starting point of negotiations.

It sounds like theyve exhausted step 1 then.

Their recommended process is to coparent like two adults and sort it out between yourselves. Only when you've decided that the child is unfortunate enough to have an immature parent that cannot do that should mediation step in to be the middle ground. And only once it has been decided that a mediator cannot get through to the immature parent should a court step in to make a decision.

I assume he was working when they were together or did he quit his job too when he left?

Where does he work, if he's upped and moved an hour away? Were they on a tenancy or did they own a house together?

There are lots of very strong feelings here about the baby not being separated from the mum for more than an hour, or overnight.

Are many people missing that the baby's MUM suggested overnights Sat AM to Sun PM?

This isn't an absent father starting contact with the child for the first time, it is an involved father who lived with and cared for the baby from birth.

If the mother is going to keep changing her mind, (which is understandable when facing time apart from your small baby,) it does sound like mediation or a formal agreement will be needed. As the grandparents will likely be facilitating transportation, at least in the near future, consideration for all involved would be good.

Hopefully they work it out between them in the baby's best interests, without the need for court.

That’s different

I’m sure he’s a cracking lad - why did they split? Is he going for this forevermore? How much are his parents and grandparents pushing this? It’s a bit of a no brainer- at the v least he should work out that in order to support and have a relationship with his child he needs to be local. Were they always an hour apart? Or did someone move?

I hadn't left any of my babies for more than an hour at 4 months. I feel for your DSS though- lots of short contact is surely ideal at this age.

First things first why can't he drive and why isn't he addressing this ASAP?

Really good point.

You CAN but you SHOULDN'T.

Of course you can.