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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to find it hypocritical when people discourage me from dating?

87 replies

GoldDownload · 03/04/2026 23:39

Don’t know if this will make any sense but I’m in my 30s and have been single and celibate for 10 years, that’s no dates at all, no kissing, nothing. Whenever I mention dating again I get women telling me not to and to stay on my own, all men are trash etc (their words) whilst I’m guessing they mean well AIBU to find them hypocrites? I think it’s pretty unusual for a woman in their 30s to be celibate for 10 years (gonna have loads of people now telling me they are 30s and have been 😂), I don’t believe they are and for most people that would be quite hard, but they expect me to stay on my own? Or am I unreasonable and there’s all these women in their 30s that have been celibate for a decade? Just feels like they expect me to stay on my own but don’t apply that to themselves.. lots of reasons for this not mainly choice but just the way life turned out

OP posts:
DarkForces · 04/04/2026 02:20

I think 2 things can be true at the same time: 1. Dating horrible men is miserable and 2. People still seek connection and relationships as when they work they're great. If you want to date then go for it and do it as safely as you can. There are good men out there but you won't find them if you're not talking to them.

Original poster
GoldDownload · 04/04/2026 02:01

I’ve been cautious, I’ve not even kissed a man or chatted to a man (other than in passing) in 10 years, if that isn’t being cautious I don’t know what is?? Just find it hypocritical when they don’t apply it to themselves. Not like I’m someone rushing from relationship to relationship that needs to be more cautious?

OP posts:
ChocolateAddictAlways · 04/04/2026 01:57

I think if you've had enough of being single then you should date.

I also think a lot of women have put up with unhealthy relationships and tolerated useless partners which is why so many of these women advise caution to their single friends.

But you have to live your life on your terms.

PollyBell · 04/04/2026 01:50

I would tell anyone desperate to date not too and nothing to do with the cliched mn all men are the enemy, more to do with expectations and not opening their eyes to what works or doesn't

And i would say the same to men or women

Shitmonger · 04/04/2026 00:33

GoldDownload · 03/04/2026 23:51

And how long have you been single and celibate and how old are you? Even if you are I’d say it’s still extremely uncommon.

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Why are you so fixated on celibacy? If you want to have sex, have sex. If you want to date, date. You don’t need permission from your friends to do so. If you think they’re less than supportive then just jump back into dating and only tell them when you want to.

But yes, if research and articles are to be believed then there are a number of women that are simply opting out of relationships and sex these days. I just saw another article about it last week or so, talking about how there is now such an education and employment gap between men and women that women can’t find suitable partners.

Tink3rbell30 · 04/04/2026 00:02

GoldDownload · 03/04/2026 23:51

And how long have you been single and celibate and how old are you? Even if you are I’d say it’s still extremely uncommon.

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37 and 7 years. It depends who you know I suppose, I don't think it's uncommon. Lots of women don't want a man in their space or for any sort of company especially with the very slim pickings that's out there. But if you want to dive in and give it a go then it shouldn't matter what other women think.

TooPoor4PandaPooTea · 03/04/2026 23:53

Date @GoldDownload , date like the wind!

You may meet some crappy men but I am sure you have your wits about you and will quickly throw them back. There are plenty of good guys in their 30s who are also single as a result of life going in that direction.

FWIW if he is posting mirror selfies in the gym, maybe just swipe left.

Fafner · 03/04/2026 23:52

I think you must have quite weird friends. Personally, I wouldn’t dream of offering advice either way. You do what you want, as most people do most of the time.

Original poster
GoldDownload · 03/04/2026 23:51

Tink3rbell30 · 03/04/2026 23:42

Nope they are telling the truth. I'm one of them and would also discourage dating, it's rough out there. I'm perfectly happy in my own space without someone's useless son in my way or in my bed.

And how long have you been single and celibate and how old are you? Even if you are I’d say it’s still extremely uncommon.

OP posts:
Hokipoki · 03/04/2026 23:47

Anecdotally I’d say there are a growing number of women remaining celibate long term in their 30s and beyond - but that’s neither here nor there.

If YOU want to find a man why are friends - especially friends who aren’t single themselves - trying to discourage you?

I’d ask them if all men are trash and a waste of time - why don’t they leave their partners and join the single crew?

If their answer to that is their man is special, just say you’re looking for a special man too and you expect them as friends to hope you find someone special too! Make it clear you’d rather they be positive and supportive about this or say nothing at all.

If they can’t be happy for you I’d stop discussing it with them and maybe also reassess the friendship.

I’d say the same to someone who wants to be or stay single and has friends who are constantly trying to discourage her from this path.

Tink3rbell30 · 03/04/2026 23:42

Nope they are telling the truth. I'm one of them and would also discourage dating, it's rough out there. I'm perfectly happy in my own space without someone's useless son in my way or in my bed.

cestlavielife · 03/04/2026 23:41

Dont talk to those people about dating.
You do you.
Dont tell those people about dating.
Just go out and date.