AIBU to find it hypocritical when people discourage me from dating?

If it’s what you want then go for it. Just be patient and develop a thick skin! I’ve met some nice guys who aren’t for me. I’ve met some nice guys and I’m not for them. I’ve had “advice” from friends similar to you and I’ve had advice from others that had been downright hurtful. But… I still think there’s someone out there for me.
Good luck!

So what would you like them to say? I'm a bit confused what you're after. I suspect they're just trying to show a bit of solidarity.

So if you find them hypocritical and condescending, don't ask their advice any more and find friends you like (as well as dating if you wish). Get advice on dating apps on the relationships board if you want it. You'll find people who've met their partners that way as well as the cesspit angle and everything between. You can also respond to their advice by saying sure, but you still keep dating, so which apps do you prefer? It sounds like you're giving their words too much weight and imagining that they're thinking deeply about you when they're not.

They may just be trying to let you know it's fine to be single. Just do what you want, it's no-one else's business.

They can say what they like. You can do what you like. They’re not telling you that you have to do anything. They’re expressing a view but probably don’t care either way as they’re living their own lives. It’s not hypocrisy to have a bad time dating and warn others of how bad it is. I’m sure they don’t expect you to take it as gospel and live your life by it especially when you can see that they don’t. If you want to date, get out there. Don’t sit out your 30s on some imagined rule.

I think you are taking them way to literally. I think they just mean that online dating is a shit show and they've had enough awful experiences that they are saying 'don't bother'. You can do whatever you want. No one would care. They are just making throw away comments, not trying to dictate your life.

It’s because online dating is a cesspit these days.

I had a 10 year gap 22-32 (although I did go on 5 dates with someone at the 7.5 year mark). Then I got married.

Some people date a lot; some have big gaps where there is no-one. It isn't evenly spread and - judging from friends - i think a lot of people find those early stages testing out new relationships to be a series of disappointments.

just as I’ve decided to stay single I’ve met a man in real life I really like.. I’m definitely not looking to date but we get on so well so have had an honest discussion about just meeting up as friends and taking it very slowly and just see what happens old school style! It’s actually lovely to not have the pressure and just get to know each other! I was terrible for jumping in too fast in the past but I’m more cynical now and did not expect to meet someone at a job fair! I’m in the middle of a move an hour away which he knows about so nothing might even happen but I’m just enjoying it for what it is tbh! Not even kissed yet but he’s such a nice man (and I did a Claire’s and Sarah’s law on him
due to past experiences) as im so wary! I do think its right that you meet people when the time is right be that in real life or online dating or a blind date!

I think when you’re in a steady relationship, the thought of having to go through the whole experience of meeting and dating potential new partners does sound hideous. It’s worse than when you are single because there is no perceived benefit. So it’s not necessarily that the people you talk to are being hypocritical, just that they are extremely relieved that they don’t need to start looking for romance.

But - people in relationships have affairs, and are on dating sites so obviously not everyone feels the same.

I think the key takeaway is you do you. If you want a romantic partner, it’s ok to look for one. And I hope you find someone kind who is right for you.

Is there a specific reason you've been single since your 20s? What sort of relationship experiences did you have before that? If your currebt life doesn't meet what you want counselling could be a good option.

43, celibate 7 years. Absolutley no interest in changing that.

When I left an abusive marriage I actually felt the opposite- that there was huge pressure to move on. I briefly dabbled with dating apps after a year single but wasnt interested. I've had counselling and am in a great place personally but just don't feel I need or want a relationship.

Every now and then friends try to persuade me to date. Which I find quite funny as they will go from chatting about how awful and unbalanced their relationships are to trying to persuade me to date. Biased by mainly knowing people in their 40s but nearly all are either in marriage counselling or talking about or actively getting divorced.

I have plenty of men I enjoy chatting too at work, although male friends that are husbands/partners of my female friends have sadly got more distant since I've been single.

What do you mean by hypocrites? Do you mean they tell you what you sais in yoir op, aboit being trash, BUT have boyfriends/husbands? Telling you to be single/alone when they aren’t doing the hard work themselves? Then absolutely yes.

It pisses me of tbh, I do try to date, but never really had luck, so I’m single not by choice and lord I’ve had my share of non-sense comments from people who have no idea what it’s actually like to be actually single in this world. It’s crazy!

I’m in my 50’s and definitely dating. I recommend it, but I have my own money and life and don’t need a man.
The minimum is that he must enhance my life. If he doesn’t then I choose not to spend time with him.

You don’t need other people’s permission to date. Just go do it.

Your friends are weird. My friends kept encouraging me to date in my celibate decade.

Why haven’t you chatted to a man in 10 years? That is unusual, do you not have colleagues you talk to? Do you have literally no male friends?

Which leads me to think there is a massive backstory, which might put your friends comments into context.

They're trying to make you and themselves feel better. I don't think any of them genuinely mean it so, no, I don't think they're being hypocritical. If it bothers you, stop telling people you're celibate or specifically say you want to talk about it (so they are more likely to give you space to say how you feel, rather than jump in with 'advice').

People often say this sort of thing for something to say.
Pay no heed. Obviously.

So if you asked me personally… I would say dating is shit right now and I’m happier on my own. I called myself celibate and got laughed at as my version wasn’t the same as yours - I just hadn’t done the deed in a while.

I wouldn’t use apps, I just really wouldn’t. I would go out more, ask friends to introduce you. I don’t think you should be celibate but you also don’t need to be looking for a husband to not be celibate 🤷‍♀️

idk if you date to meet people and you can do it without it effecting your self esteem too much then great but not many people can. And I definitely think you need to have very high standards to avoid the pointless situationships that put people off dating and relationships

I would assume that it’s this. I think it’s likely that they think you feel badly about the situation ans are trying to reassure you that it’s not all
its cracked up to be. That's supportive. Have you told them that they you would like to start dating and are fending excited? Hopefully they would supportive there as well. I think it’s unlikely that they genuinely think ther you shouldn’t date because all members are crap if they’re in a relationship. The only reasoning I could thing then is that they like you being single but that’s unlikely is they’re in a relationship as people then generally prefer to go out as couples.