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Original poster

AIBU to say no to grandparents' birthday plans on my weekend?

112 replies

3sausagedogs · 03/04/2026 16:36

My daughter turns 18 on Monday. Kids dad hasn’t seen his kids for about 6 years, but his parents see them every other weekend. His parents hate me because we’re not together. The birthday weekend is my weekend, but the grandmother went away last weekend so didn’t have the kids for her weekend. So she’s decided to book a restaurant, cakes, balloons etc for my Saturday night to take the kids out. I said no to my daughter, it’s not her weekend and we fell out about it. My daughter is working Sunday and out with her friends on Monday so I won’t see her then. Am I bring unreasonable by getting upset and saying no. I want to do the Saturday night and do cake, balloons etc for her birthday and I feel she’s ruining it and wrong to ask

OP posts:
Original poster
3sausagedogs · 03/04/2026 17:17

I still have a younger so the every other weekend still stays with him and my daughter goes only if she feels like it or wants to. When we did the court stuff my ex gave up his right to see his children but the court said the children benefited from the relationship with the grand parents

OP posts:
itsadlibitum · 03/04/2026 17:16

How on earth is an almost 18 year old putting up with an EOW arrangement? Surely she’s far too old for this? And surely there’s not much childcare involved anymore?

DalmationalAnthem · 03/04/2026 17:14

NotAnotherScarf · 03/04/2026 17:12

The grandmother obvs

Show quote history

The grandparents don't talk to or look at OP, so likely not to be the grandmother.

Watcher1984 · 03/04/2026 17:14

Bizarre your daughter doesn't need you to sort her weekends out she's an adult without her mother going in a huff or grandparents. At her age I wanted to be with my friends for my birthday tbh.

Catcatcatcatcat · 03/04/2026 17:13

DD is 18. It’s time to knock the EOW grandparent stuff on the head.

DD can make arrangements to see them as and when she wants.

tinyspiny · 03/04/2026 17:12

At that age there shouldn’t be a set visit time anyway surely the kids just choose for themselves .

NotAnotherScarf · 03/04/2026 17:12

DurinsBane · 03/04/2026 16:58

You fell out with your daughter, or the grandmother?

The grandmother obvs

NotAnotherScarf · 03/04/2026 17:11

3sausagedogs · 03/04/2026 16:58

I can’t do anything with the grandparents, they refuse to even look or talk to me. My ex was violent and arrested for it. His parents refused to believe it even though he was found guilty. He gave up his right to see his own children. His parents have always seen the children, but they very much have left me responsible for the children, they pick nice things to do with them but I pay and do all the childcare etc I asked if they would contribute towards driving lessons or take the kids out on holiday etc and they say no. Which I get they are my responsibility but it feel like they pick and choose

So the GPS wants to be in the kids lives, do the big stuff but didn't want to contribute. There son is a blue eyed boy despite the courts deciding he's a cunt. And you've bent over backwards to be accommodating.

How do the kids feel about the situation?

DalmationalAnthem · 03/04/2026 17:11

Why did your daughter fall out with you, does she want to go? Do something with her during the day and she can go to her grandparents event later.

As an adult, she can choose when to see the grandparents, sticking to an every other weekend schedule would be weird.

Can the people be trusted with your younger kids? Being pro domestic violence is vile, they can arrange contact with your kids through their criminal son. As he's abandoned them, that's some natural consequences.

backagainohdear · 03/04/2026 17:10

Oh well then grandmother misses out at least you know where your ex gets it from.

Crunchymum · 03/04/2026 17:07

Why have you allowed these people to have regular access to your DC?

If it isn't mandated by law then I'd have told them to fuck off years ago. Kind, loving, supportive grandparents should always be welcome (regardless of how useless their son is) but people who treat you like crap have no place in your DC lives?

All this has done is model for many years that their behaviour is okay. It is not.

@3sausagedogs are you saying your DD has fallen out with you over this? Sadly I think you have to be the one to back down otherwise you run the risk of ruining her birthday? (Or being accused of such)

Sounds like the 'Disney grandparents' have got their claws in quite deeply.

pruningmybush · 03/04/2026 17:02

My kids grandparents (through ex) are always trying to arrange things on my weekends. It's vile. They know "their" weekends years in advance. I like to make plans and have certainty and I think it's a certain power play when people won't respect the alternating arrangements

DurinsBane · 03/04/2026 16:58

You fell out with your daughter, or the grandmother?

canklesmctacotits · 03/04/2026 16:58

Well if your DD doesn’t want to do grandma’s thing there’s no argument is there? DD just won’t turn up at DGM’s do 🤷🏼‍♀️

Original poster
3sausagedogs · 03/04/2026 16:58

I can’t do anything with the grandparents, they refuse to even look or talk to me. My ex was violent and arrested for it. His parents refused to believe it even though he was found guilty. He gave up his right to see his own children. His parents have always seen the children, but they very much have left me responsible for the children, they pick nice things to do with them but I pay and do all the childcare etc I asked if they would contribute towards driving lessons or take the kids out on holiday etc and they say no. Which I get they are my responsibility but it feel like they pick and choose

OP posts:
Tryagain26 · 03/04/2026 16:56

Your daughter is old enough to decide for herself.
Just let her decide.
It's very childish to be fighting over who gets to make a cake and buy balloons for an 18 year old
Surely you can both celebrate on different days?

Happyjoe · 03/04/2026 16:54

Hobbitfeet32 · 03/04/2026 16:53

Why don’t you just do something together with grandma? And agree with other posters this is up to your daughter really.

Grandma hates the OP.

Happyjoe · 03/04/2026 16:54

3sausagedogs · 03/04/2026 16:45

My daughter asked the grand mother to move it as said we were busy and the grandmother refused saying she can’t move it.

Then grandma just doesn't get to do it?
She's made plans without talking to your daughter, she's being a cow because she knows that you, her mum would love to see your own daughter on her 18th, and now she's being stubborn.

While everything is up to your daughter, I hope she stays with you.

Hobbitfeet32 · 03/04/2026 16:53

Why don’t you just do something together with grandma? And agree with other posters this is up to your daughter really.

Shinyandnew1 · 03/04/2026 16:52

More details needed.

What does your daughter want to do? Who has fallen out?

Blondeshavemorefun · 03/04/2026 16:51

3sausagedogs · 03/04/2026 16:45

My daughter asked the grand mother to move it as said we were busy and the grandmother refused saying she can’t move it.

Granny was wrong to do something on your weekend esp as birthday

could granny come as well to your birthday meal /party plans esp as daughters 18th

Brewtiful · 03/04/2026 16:49

3sausagedogs · 03/04/2026 16:45

My daughter asked the grand mother to move it as said we were busy and the grandmother refused saying she can’t move it.

I suspect she only asked her grandparents to change the date because you made such a fuss over it. Surely she communicated plans with your daughter in advance.

CinnamonBuns67 · 03/04/2026 16:46

She's 18, shes an adult and can decide how to spend her birthday and who she wants to spend it with. There's no more your weekend/their weekend with her anymore and if you continue to control an adults time, it'll be you she decides not to see.

Original poster
3sausagedogs · 03/04/2026 16:45

My daughter asked the grand mother to move it as said we were busy and the grandmother refused saying she can’t move it.

OP posts:
Twasasurprise · 03/04/2026 16:44

Daughter's choice!