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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to say no to grandparents' birthday plans on my weekend?

112 replies

3sausagedogs · 03/04/2026 16:36

My daughter turns 18 on Monday. Kids dad hasn’t seen his kids for about 6 years, but his parents see them every other weekend. His parents hate me because we’re not together. The birthday weekend is my weekend, but the grandmother went away last weekend so didn’t have the kids for her weekend. So she’s decided to book a restaurant, cakes, balloons etc for my Saturday night to take the kids out. I said no to my daughter, it’s not her weekend and we fell out about it. My daughter is working Sunday and out with her friends on Monday so I won’t see her then. Am I bring unreasonable by getting upset and saying no. I want to do the Saturday night and do cake, balloons etc for her birthday and I feel she’s ruining it and wrong to ask

OP posts:
TMFF · 03/04/2026 18:09

3sausagedogs · 03/04/2026 16:58

I can’t do anything with the grandparents, they refuse to even look or talk to me. My ex was violent and arrested for it. His parents refused to believe it even though he was found guilty. He gave up his right to see his own children. His parents have always seen the children, but they very much have left me responsible for the children, they pick nice things to do with them but I pay and do all the childcare etc I asked if they would contribute towards driving lessons or take the kids out on holiday etc and they say no. Which I get they are my responsibility but it feel like they pick and choose

His parents have always seen the children, but they very much have left me responsible for the children

I find this odd. They're your children so of course they've left you responsible for them??

they pick nice things to do with them but I pay and do all the childcare etc

If they want to take the children out they should pay. As for you doing all the childcare....again they're your children?!

I asked if they would contribute towards driving lessons or take the kids out on holiday etc and they say no.

I'm not surprised, this was very cheeky of you.

Which I get they are my responsibility but it feel like they pick and choose

I'm not sure you do get that your children are your responsibility from what you've written, and of course they pick and choose because again, they're your children, not theirs.

You really need to leave the choice down to your daughter here.

Endofyear · 03/04/2026 18:07

3sausagedogs · 03/04/2026 16:58

I can’t do anything with the grandparents, they refuse to even look or talk to me. My ex was violent and arrested for it. His parents refused to believe it even though he was found guilty. He gave up his right to see his own children. His parents have always seen the children, but they very much have left me responsible for the children, they pick nice things to do with them but I pay and do all the childcare etc I asked if they would contribute towards driving lessons or take the kids out on holiday etc and they say no. Which I get they are my responsibility but it feel like they pick and choose

I can't understand why you've facilitated a relationship for your child/children with the people who raised your violent ex and hate you. Am I missing something? I would have had nothing to do with them and certainly wouldn't have let them near my children.

As for the birthday celebration, I would accept that at almost 18, it's your daughter's decision what she wants to do.

TomatoSandwiches · 03/04/2026 18:07

Newyearawaits · 03/04/2026 17:55

Disagree
Daughter shouldn't be in the middle.
Her GPS sound like very decent people

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No they don't they sound awful and manipulative.

youalright · 03/04/2026 18:06

RoseField1 · 03/04/2026 17:53

Of course it is? OP wants to celebrate her DD's 18th birthday!

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Op dd can decide how she spends her birthday.

PrincessScarlett · 03/04/2026 18:04

Let your DD choose what she wants to do.

However I am gobsmacked that you've kept up this EOW with your ex's parents who dislike you for so long. Surely that wasn't court ordered. It's not in the best interests of the kids to have a relationship with grandparents who despise their mum and don't believe their son has been abusive despite a court saying otherwise. It is actually quite damaging.

Brewtiful · 03/04/2026 18:03

TMFF · 03/04/2026 18:02

If you'd mentioned this in your OP I wouldn't have voted YABU.

But you didn't mention what she wants at all.

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As I said earlier I do wonder if she asked to move it because the OP has made such a fuss. It seems like she was initially happy to go.

TMFF · 03/04/2026 18:02

3sausagedogs · 03/04/2026 16:45

My daughter asked the grand mother to move it as said we were busy and the grandmother refused saying she can’t move it.

If you'd mentioned this in your OP I wouldn't have voted YABU.

But you didn't mention what she wants at all.

YerMotherWasAHamster · 03/04/2026 17:58

Let your daughter choose.
At 18 she should decide what she wants, not you.

RoyalPenguin · 03/04/2026 17:58

I think that's really mean of your ex's mum.

Triskellion75 · 03/04/2026 17:57

RoseField1 · 03/04/2026 17:56

Decent people who hate OP for leaving their son? Huh

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And organise a big birthday celebration when they're not due to see their granddaughter.

Soontobe60 · 03/04/2026 17:57

Dozer · 03/04/2026 16:40

Your DD’s grandmother (& ex’s mum) is U.

DD would be inconsiderate to prioritise seeing her grandparents over you on her birthday, if her GPs don’t treat you well.

Edited

Her birthday is Monday, she’s prioritising her friends on her actual birthday.

RoseField1 · 03/04/2026 17:56

Newyearawaits · 03/04/2026 17:55

Disagree
Daughter shouldn't be in the middle.
Her GPS sound like very decent people

Show quote history

Decent people who hate OP for leaving their son? Huh

PermanentTemporary · 03/04/2026 17:56

God she’s 18???

TBH these days I don’t expect to see my adult son on his actual birthday, he does his own thing and we book in some kind of meet up or celebration when he’s free.

I think the nicest gift you could give her is to detach yourself from all this, drop the stress level, and say ‘I’m going to make it easier on us all, let’s have a brunch next weekend, if you see your GPs or your mates we’ll catch up after’.

Newyearawaits · 03/04/2026 17:55

Dozer · 03/04/2026 16:40

Your DD’s grandmother (& ex’s mum) is U.

DD would be inconsiderate to prioritise seeing her grandparents over you on her birthday, if her GPs don’t treat you well.

Edited

Disagree
Daughter shouldn't be in the middle.
Her GPS sound like very decent people

Triskellion75 · 03/04/2026 17:54

Brewtiful · 03/04/2026 17:49

She's turning 18 meaning she is an adult and she is free to make her own choices and decisions. Also she doesn't need to have loyalty to anyone, she's not a dog.

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Was there really any need to be so snarky? Loyalty isn't just for dogs you know?

My eldest is from my first marriage, her grandparents wouldn't dream of pulling stuff like this but if they did she would always prioritise me.

RoseField1 · 03/04/2026 17:53

youalright · 03/04/2026 17:51

Why are you getting involved its nothing to do with you.

Of course it is? OP wants to celebrate her DD's 18th birthday!

RoseField1 · 03/04/2026 17:53

I can't work out if your daughter wants to go or not. She's 18, if she doesn't want to go then she doesn't have to.

youalright · 03/04/2026 17:51

Why are you getting involved its nothing to do with you.

midgetastic · 03/04/2026 17:51

She’s 18 she gets to chose
they grow up and out job is to set them free

Brewtiful · 03/04/2026 17:49

Triskellion75 · 03/04/2026 17:47

Sorry, going to go against the grain and saying her first loyalty is to you, especially as the grandparents have treated you so badly.

She's turning 18 meaning she is an adult and she is free to make her own choices and decisions. Also she doesn't need to have loyalty to anyone, she's not a dog.

DisforDarkChocolate · 03/04/2026 17:48

Your MIL was away last weekend on purpose just so she could pull this crap.

Triskellion75 · 03/04/2026 17:47

Sorry, going to go against the grain and saying her first loyalty is to you, especially as the grandparents have treated you so badly.

Brewtiful · 03/04/2026 17:20

Despite all of your updates you still haven't actually said if she wants to go the meal or if her grandparents organised it with her. She obviously has a good relationship with them despite all the stuff with her father if she still chooses to visit so it seems likely she actually did want to see them.

ErlingHaalandsManBun · 03/04/2026 17:17

She is 18 and will be an adult. Surely its up to HER to decide what SHE wants to do on that Saturday and not anyone else?

TheBlueKoala · 03/04/2026 17:17

@3sausagedogs Ask your daughter what SHE wants. And don't make her feel guilty if she actually wants to spend Saturday with gps. She might want to but doesn't dare to say so because you will be upset.
And maybe she wants to go out with her friends to celebrate- that should be fine too.

Tbh I think she feels oppressed by gps and you "sharing" her eow. She's 18 and should be able to go where she wants with who she wants.